Poll: Ever ended up having sex on a first date?

[Henry]

ill, quit while you're behind, buddy.

[rdsknbill]

Henry SSHHHH

This could get good

[sonsofwashington]

As I read this whole thread I tried to recall an offical "first date" that included sex at some point during the "date". Like some people have mentioned "offical dates" are not my bag. I have been on dates, but dont really enjoy them....too much tension to conform to the other person for the sake of not making the date an entire nightmare.....and some dates can really be nightmares......and then you are really screwed..HAHAHAHA. Laughing at my bad experiences.

So since I can't recall I guess the answer is no, but I swear it is yes...so so close to want to touch to so close to touch. lol.

My take on a woman's past:

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas......just as long as when she leaves Vegas she stays the hell away from Nevada! lol.

[zoony]

Is illone really taking this subject on?

:doh:

[illone]

Originally posted by jenmdixon

So, tell me, in your world, what exactly constitutes a slut? How many sexual partners? In what timeframe? How one dresses? How one acts other than in sexual encounters?

I'm all ears.

This is not about my world or your world or any of that. This is nothing personal. Like I said above, I mean no offense or personal attack here. I don't know you or your friend. I am sure she is a great person, as are you.

BUT, nine times out of ten if you tell that story in public with people listening someone is going to think to themself "what a slut". Anyone who tells you otherwise is scared to tell the truth and just wants to kiss your ass.

The point here is that most people are very quick to judge others. I didn't make this up, this is a fact of life. If you were to tell most people on the street that "Hey my girlfriend here likes sex and doesn't deal with relationships" 99% of the people who heard you are going to think "slut" right away.

Sad but true.

[sonsofwashington]

Here is how I define slut:

A woman who will sleep with any man on any given night in any number of consecutive nights without regard for the man, the man's partners/friends (wifes, friends), herself, and or her partners/friends. So really what I mean is if you sleep with anything that moves without regard my impression of you is that you are a 'slut'. If I get to know you and I like your personality, then I'll consider the promiscuity to be a personality defect, which we all have, and then i'll probably just think you're 'easy'.

A slut is the kinda girl who sleeps with every man, including her best friend's husband. It's a little more selfish than just being easy. That is sort of where I am going with that.

Can't say I haven't slutted myself at one point in my life......17-20, but it's all good. No harm done, no relationships severed and I'm still alive and healthy.

[Henry]

Originally posted by illone

This is not about my world or your world or any of that. This is nothing personal. Like I said above, I mean no offense or personal attack here. I don't know you or your friend. I am sure she is a great person, as are you.

BUT, nine times out of ten if you tell that story in public with people listening someone is going to think to themself "what a slut". Anyone who tells you otherwise is scared to tell the truth and just wants to kiss your ass.

The point here is that most people are very quick to judge others. I didn't make this up, this is a fact of life. If you were to tell most people on the street that "Hey my girlfriend here likes sex and doesn't deal with relationships" 99% of the people who heard you are going to think "slut" right away.

Sad but true.

The thing I don't get here, and maybe I'm mis-reading you here, is not that a double standard exists for some men (which it clearly does.) But that you think this justifies practicing the double standard yourself. What you think and do IS your world, and has nothing to do with what other men think.

[illone]

Originally posted by Henry

The thing I don't get here, and maybe I'm mis-reading you here, is not that a double standard exists for some men (which it clearly does.) But that you think this justifies practicing the double standard yourself. What you think and do IS your world, and has nothing to do with what other men think.

I understand what you are saying, Henry and can see why you would think that I am that way. I did post above that I think it's a shame that this double standard exists. Did you catch that part?

I've been with the same woman for over a year and a half. I no longer care about the game nor do I play it personally. I do get to witness it regularly as I have plenty of single friends and at one point I was single too so I get "it". I used to care about only one thing, taking down as much real estate as possible in as little time as possible. Command and conquor:laugh:

It's a widely known fact that women are labeled as "whores" far quicker and easier than any man would be for the same actions. In most circles it is socially acceptable for men to act worse than a woman in the same situation and not be frowned upon. In other words my neighbor Lisa slept with the postman, she's a slut. Well, what about the postman?

Jen, I apologize if I offended you in any way. I did not mean to single you out and I re-read my post above. It was a bit harsh. I'm much better in person because over the net I tend to blurt stuff out without explaining it. Anyways, hope you don't take offense to the slut comments. When I say she is considered a slut what I really mean is that most people would label her as such simply because that is human nature.

[TODD]

Originally posted by sonsofwashington

Here is how I define slut:

A woman who will sleep with any man on any given night in any number of consecutive nights without regard for the man, the man's partners/friends (wifes, friends), herself, and or her partners/friends. So really what I mean is if you sleep with anything that moves without regard my impression of you is that you are a 'slut'. If I get to know you and I like your personality, then I'll consider the promiscuity to be a personality defect, which we all have, and then i'll probably just think you're 'easy'.

Switch those genders around and you have yourself... a guy.

[WM_Marylander]

Probably the only college aged kid who'll say no.

Not really my bag. I'm probably in the barely will even kiss a girl on the first date. I'm not against that either, but I just do what feels comfortable.

It is not that I'm against that type of thing, because, to each his own, but, just not my style. Rather make sure it's something that is worth my time, or something I'd really want to think back and say, eh, that was worth it.

Though, I won't say never, maybe with that someone it'll happen. But, I'd bet probably not.

[sonsofwashington]

Originally posted by TODD

Switch those genders around and you have yourself... a guy.

A better word for that is a 'player'. I use the words 'player' and 'easy'. As opposed to 'man' and 'slut'. Unless the hoe cheated on me! lol. j/k

When my female friends ask me about guys...........if I think he is a male slut I call the guy a player. What I am trying to tell them is becareful cause he probably will cheat on you and sex is certainly a priority for him. Its up to them to decide what to do from there. Doesn't entirely bash the person, but certainly keeps it real.

[jenmdixon]

Originally posted by illone

This is not about my world or your world or any of that. This is nothing personal. Like I said above, I mean no offense or personal attack here. I don't know you or your friend. I am sure she is a great person, as are you.

BUT, nine times out of ten if you tell that story in public with people listening someone is going to think to themself "what a slut". Anyone who tells you otherwise is scared to tell the truth and just wants to kiss your ass.

The point here is that most people are very quick to judge others. I didn't make this up, this is a fact of life. If you were to tell most people on the street that "Hey my girlfriend here likes sex and doesn't deal with relationships" 99% of the people who heard you are going to think "slut" right away.

Sad but true.

99%? If they are all men, perhaps.

Women don't all think that way - in fact, women would be more likely to think that she has issues (which she does) and/or has been abused.

At least most of the women I know would be thinking that way...

Originally posted by Henry

The thing I don't get here, and maybe I'm mis-reading you here, is not that a double standard exists for some men (which it clearly does.) But that you think this justifies practicing the double standard yourself. What you think and do IS your world, and has nothing to do with what other men think.

ITA, Henry. Thanks for saying it.

Putting labels on people requires that you associate the label with your own knowledge/experiences, so it *IS* your world from which you speak.

Originally posted by illone

I understand what you are saying, Henry and can see why you would think that I am that way. I did post above that I think it's a shame that this double standard exists. Did you catch that part?

I've been with the same woman for over a year and a half. I no longer care about the game nor do I play it personally. I do get to witness it regularly as I have plenty of single friends and at one point I was single too so I get "it". I used to care about only one thing, taking down as much real estate as possible in as little time as possible. Command and conquor:laugh:

It's a widely known fact that women are labeled as "whores" far quicker and easier than any man would be for the same actions. In most circles it is socially acceptable for men to act worse than a woman in the same situation and not be frowned upon. In other words my neighbor Lisa slept with the postman, she's a slut. Well, what about the postman?

Jen, I apologize if I offended you in any way. I did not mean to single you out and I re-read my post above. It was a bit harsh. I'm much better in person because over the net I tend to blurt stuff out without explaining it. Anyways, hope you don't take offense to the slut comments. When I say she is considered a slut what I really mean is that most people would label her as such simply because that is human nature.

illone, np. I know it's not personal.

But understand that calling someone a 'slut' has a really negative connotation - especially when you basically said that you used to act like one when you were single. Pot calling the kettle black, as it were.

I am not sure where people get these ideas that all women are that judgmental. Yeah, some are (including women in my own family). But that doesn't mean all of them are - in fact, I know more women with open minds than closed. I guess I'm lucky that way.

I also find it quite ironic that it has been posted that women are *SO* judgmental about women who are more free in their sexual lives when it has been mostly MEN in this thread who have judged those women as 'sluts'. JMHO.

[jenmdixon]

Originally posted by sonsofwashington

Here is how I define slut:

A woman who will sleep with any man on any given night in any number of consecutive nights without regard for the man, the man's partners/friends (wifes, friends), herself, and or her partners/friends. So really what I mean is if you sleep with anything that moves without regard my impression of you is that you are a 'slut'. If I get to know you and I like your personality, then I'll consider the promiscuity to be a personality defect, which we all have, and then i'll probably just think you're 'easy'.

A slut is the kinda girl who sleeps with every man, including her best friend's husband. It's a little more selfish than just being easy. That is sort of where I am going with that.

Can't say I haven't slutted myself at one point in my life......17-20, but it's all good. No harm done, no relationships severed and I'm still alive and healthy.

Originally posted by TODD

Switch those genders around and you have yourself... a guy.

:1stplace:

Originally posted by sonsofwashington

A better word for that is a 'player'. I use the words 'player' and 'easy'. As opposed to 'man' and 'slut'. Unless the hoe cheated on me! lol. j/k

When my female friends ask me about guys...........if I think he is a male slut I call the guy a player. What I am trying to tell them is becareful cause he probably will cheat on you and sex is certainly a priority for him. Its up to them to decide what to do from there. Doesn't entirely bash the person, but certainly keeps it real.

A better word for a MAN is a 'player', eh? But you cannot use that label for a WOMAN, right?

That's a bunch of crap.

'Player' would be acceptable ONLY if it is used for BOTH sexes OR for NEITHER. So would the use of 'slut' or 'ho', but only if the use of it is consistent for BOTH sexes.

[sonsofwashington]

What I meant was:

"Switch those genders around and you have yourself..." a player.

It's not meant to be a compliment. I think you think I'm calling a man a player as some sort of compliment. I thought I tried to give an example of how I am not using it as a compliment, but maybe where you are from 'player' is a good thing.

I'm not saying you can't call a girl a player, I'm just telling you how I phrase it. It's not a rule, it just my habit. 'player' and 'easy' apply to both sexes, but I was just giving yall a little insight to my habit. No double standard at all. I would have no problem flipping the owrds in any situation. I think people would still get my drift.

This is sort of off topic as far as the whole 'slut' issue is concerned. The whole issue of equality between men and women is can be ugly in so many areas. I'm not saying women or men shoud be discriminated. I just think it's ugly when women start behaving like men and vice versa. Live your life how ever you want to, but I want my woman to be/act like a woman so I can be a man. That's just me. It's not a discriminatory thing, but it certainly depends on my idea of what I means to be a woman and what it means to be a man. I think, however, that we all have the right our own opinions on that.

For example: (kind of a strech but hopefully you get my point) I dont want to come home to find my wife on the couch with a lip full of tobacco with her hand down her pants.

[stevenaa]

"Women don't all think that way - in fact, women would be more likely to think that she has issues (which she does) and/or has been abused."

I think this is way over generalized.

It odd that so many operate with the, "that's the way it is" mentality regarding the double standard. The act is what it is, whether male or femaile. How is it acceptable for a man sleep around and not a woman. A woman is no more a slut than a man, given equal behavior.

[sonsofwashington]

You are right, but traditionally those threshold points appear to have been different. Recently our society has been able to close the gap a little.

[Johnny Punani2]

Yep, and I married her too!

[Johnny Punani2]

If anyone sleeps with someone on the first date for the first time they meet then they are sluts. Pretty simple....

[chomerics]

Originally posted by jenmdixon

Obviously, you haven't met my female friend from college who enjoys a love-em-and-leave-em attitude, with guys begging her (yes, you read that right - begging - I saw it for myself) to try a long-term relationship after one-night stands or first-dates. She's not a long-term relationship type though - but that doesn't make her a slut or a 'ho.

...or my male friend from college who would rather wait than go for it, and always ends up being cheated on or dumped because he doesn't want a cheap screw. No, he's not a shutin and he doesn't live with his parents - he's looking for someone special and is religious.

I think it all depends on the person and what their attitude is towards sex and who they choose as their sexual partners. If you choose badly (whether through laziness, fear, lack of education about the issues, stupidity, alcohol-haze, etc.), well, it's on you, since sex has this great component called self-control, right?

Yes, there are plenty of people who try their damndest to adhere to these archaic and STUPID stereotypes (and yes, including the phrases "she was a ****-tease" and "I've got blueballs because you won't put out" and "you can't make a wife out of a 'ho").

Try to escape being a lemming.

Great post Jen

You hit on so many points, and they are all spot on. It works both ways, I know a bunch of women who have the love-em and leave-em attitude, and I also know a bunch of guys who play it "cool" and hold out only to have their girlfriend getting it on with another guy.

I had a long discussion with this one friend of mine who doesn't like having sex until he really knows a girl (yes he is religious too) but he is a good looking guy who goes out on a lot of dates. He just doesn't understand that sex is a major part of a relationship, and people not only want to have sex, they need to. I tried to tell him this, but do you now how frustrating it is telling a guy he needs to put out :doh:

I have learned through various experiences with many different women in my younger days that you should find someone with the same sexual appetite as yourself or it will never work. Now with that being said, I now find myself single again for the first time in a long time, and I get to FINALLY test out some of my theories on women. I THINK I know how to push a womans buttons (sexual inuendo not intended) but I need to try it out and see how it goes :laugh:

[chomerics]

Originally posted by Johnny Punani

If anyone sleeps with someone on the first date for the first time they meet then they are sluts. Pretty simple....

Well I guess I am a man slut then :laugh:

Come on now Johnny, with a name like Punani do you really think this way? :laugh:

In all seriousness though, Jen is 100% correct in her thinking and she was justified in her posts. The only reason the double standard existists is because people like illone are absolute hypocrites. How anyone can justify calling someone a "slut" then say he takes the command and conquer attitude is beyond me.

It is one of the MAJOR problems with this country right now, and this is a great example. Everyone is sooooo quick to label and stereotype someone else, yet they can't see the real problem lies in the mirror. There is absolutely nothing I hate more in life then a hypoctite and unfortunately, that is pretty much all I see everyday. If people would just practice what the preach, this world would be a hell of a lot better of a place.

Now, bock to the topic, if you are a guy, and you will sleep with a girl on the first date, then you don't get to call anyone a slut. It should be that simple. You can say something like she is promiscious, or something like that, but a slut? No freakin way, you loose the ability to use that word and still be taken serious.

I also will say that through the people I've known in my life, the first to call somebody a slut or a ho is just as promiscious themselves. It is a common defense mechanism built in prople to go on the offensive instead of the defensive. If that person is a slut, then they can put the attention on somebody else instead of themsleves. Hypocritical to say the least.

[Ghost of]

Ok, I'm actually pretty 'liberal' on this subject but let's call a spade a spade.

I have a friend who was an ex of mine. Like a year, not even that, after we broke up(it was only 6 weeks but it was good for 'rebound') she told me that she had had sex with some of her friends(male friends, pervs) I'll be honest, part of me was saying:

I was your friend, dammit, how did I not get a taste.

Another part told that part: You want a bunch of dude-friends' sloppy seconds?

Another thing, if my daughter told me she had a love-em and leave-em one-night stand attitude towards sex, I'd be disgusted.

And before I get called a sexist, I'd feel the same way if my son didn't open up his heart to any of the girls he was having sex with and not being open about what he was doing with them.

I know it's cool to recognize that women are sexual beings too and that not all want relationships, but men and women are different and the more women want to be like men, the less respect they will earn as potential mothers/caregivers/sisters/daughters.

If I have a girl one day, I hope I'll raise her to be a lady. Not a prude or someone who only does things to please me, but someone who can be adult and honest with anyone that she may get involved with. (and same with a guy, but that's a given as I'll relate to him a certain way and impart honor in a way that is more difficult to do with women--another sexist view of mine lol)

[zoony]

it appears that so far (according to the poll), we have

110 sluts

46 prudes

17 who aren't sure.

....

:jk:

[Johnny Punani2]

Originally posted by chomerics

Well I guess I am a man slut then :laugh:

Come on now Johnny, with a name like Punani do you really think this way? :laugh:

In all seriousness though, Jen is 100% correct in her thinking and she was justified in her posts. The only reason the double standard existists is because people like illone are absolute hypocrites. How anyone can justify calling someone a "slut" then say he takes the command and conquer attitude is beyond me.

It is one of the MAJOR problems with this country right now, and this is a great example. Everyone is sooooo quick to label and stereotype someone else, yet they can't see the real problem lies in the mirror. There is absolutely nothing I hate more in life then a hypoctite and unfortunately, that is pretty much all I see everyday. If people would just practice what the preach, this world would be a hell of a lot better of a place.

Now, bock to the topic, if you are a guy, and you will sleep with a girl on the first date, then you don't get to call anyone a slut. It should be that simple. You can say something like she is promiscious, or something like that, but a slut? No freakin way, you loose the ability to use that word and still be taken serious.

I also will say that through the people I've known in my life, the first to call somebody a slut or a ho is just as promiscious themselves. It is a common defense mechanism built in prople to go on the offensive instead of the defensive. If that person is a slut, then they can put the attention on somebody else instead of themsleves. Hypocritical to say the least.

I can still like Punani and not be a slut. I'm pretty conservative when it comes to relationships. I've never cheatted on any woman I was in a relationship with. I've never slept with a woman I didn't know or just met.

I think my prior post is pretty fair. It deals with both men and women. I think the reason why women are held to a double standard is becuase they have the power when it comes to having sex. Since men are geared to have sex pretty much any time and any place women are the ones who control exactly where and when. If a woman uses that power in a way society in general believes is abusive or excessive then she will face negativity(ala slut, whore, etc)

[illone]

Originally posted by chomerics

Well I guess I am a man slut then :laugh:

Come on now Johnny, with a name like Punani do you really think this way? :laugh:

In all seriousness though, Jen is 100% correct in her thinking and she was justified in her posts. The only reason the double standard existists is because people like illone are absolute hypocrites. How anyone can justify calling someone a "slut" then say he takes the command and conquer attitude is beyond me.

Don't get all high and mighty with me, dood.

Stop, think, stop again, now think. Do you really respect those girls that sleep with you on the first date?

Really?

You are full of it and complete weak sauce if you do. You are the type of guy that is just "too nice" that all the girls want to be friends with. So much so that you sit at home and ask yourself why your sex life sucks. Well, I can now tell you why it sucks. It's because you are soft and you let women push you around. Grow a backbone for crying out loud. Women like confidence, not some weakling.

Nothing in my post was hypocritical. I just call it like it is.

Are you still friends with the girls you slept with on the first date?

Ask yourself why, and honestly come back and post that you don't think of those girls differently.

Ironic how you call me a hypocrite and you call yourself a man slut.

[ironmic]

Thats my whole objective:point2sky