The Parenting Thread II - Advice, Tips, Etc

[Springfield]

My oldest kid’s birthday is October 1, so he’s always gonna be the oldest kid in his class.

[Elessar78]

41 minutes ago, PleaseBlitz said:

 

Yes.  My question is not "should I do it?"  It is "how do I do it?"

 

Doing some basic research and it looks like my school district simply gives me the option to start her at 5 or 6, there isn't any kind of process to go through.  

A lot of people in my ass-backwards town does this. Except they do it for football (so the kid will be a year bigger) instead of academic reasons. 

[TD_washingtonredskins]

22 minutes ago, Elessar78 said:

A lot of people in my ass-backwards town does this. Except they do it for football (so the kid will be a year bigger) instead of academic reasons. 

 

It's why I mentioned that in my reply...I know some people who did it strictly for sports reasons and that annoys me. 

 

 

[PleaseBlitz]

52 minutes ago, Elessar78 said:

A lot of people in my ass-backwards town does this. Except they do it for football (so the kid will be a year bigger) instead of academic reasons. 

 

30 minutes ago, TD_washingtonredskins said:

 

It's why I mentioned that in my reply...I know some people who did it strictly for sports reasons and that annoys me. 

 

 

 

This was popularized by Malcolm Gladwell in his book Outliers which argued that the advantages of relative age, i.e., being older than your peers, leads to sports success because the bigger kids get sorted into the better leagues, and they get better training there.  

 

http://www.espn.com/espn/page2/story?page=merron/081208

 

Edited March 11, 2019 by PleaseBlitz

[TD_washingtonredskins]

17 minutes ago, PleaseBlitz said:

 

 

This was popularized by Malcolm Gladwell in his book Outliers which argued that the advantages of relative age, i.e., being older than your peers, leads to sports success because the bigger kids get sorted into the better leagues, and they get better training there.  

 

http://www.espn.com/espn/page2/story?page=merron/081208

 

 

I understand the advantages, just hate the motive. It's parents putting athletics ahead of social development, academics, etc. for a child who is far too young to understand or have any relevant input into the decision. 

 

And this is coming from someone who played 3 sports in high school and absolutely cares about sports more than most other things in his life. 

[Elessar78]

56 minutes ago, PleaseBlitz said:

 

 

This was popularized by Malcolm Gladwell in his book Outliers which argued that the advantages of relative age, i.e., being older than your peers, leads to sports success because the bigger kids get sorted into the better leagues, and they get better training there.  

 

http://www.espn.com/espn/page2/story?page=merron/081208

 

Nah, these yokels have been doing this since at least the 70s. 

[Elessar78]

39 minutes ago, TD_washingtonredskins said:

 

I understand the advantages, just hate the motive. It's parents putting athletics ahead of social development, academics, etc. for a child who is far too young to understand or have any relevant input into the decision. 

 

And this is coming from someone who played 3 sports in high school and absolutely cares about sports more than most other things in his life. 

I coach soccer and I've done small sample studies of the teams in my clubs because I have access to birthday info. The younger teams 8-10 year olds, there's a really high correlation between early birthdays and being on the A-team vs B-team. A lot of it is just kids get X-more months to be alive and be more coordinated and grow. The even-ing out of placement as they get older seems to back this up.

[TD_washingtonredskins]

4 minutes ago, Elessar78 said:

I coach soccer and I've done small sample studies of the teams in my clubs because I have access to birthday info. The younger teams 8-10 year olds, there's a really high correlation between early birthdays and being on the A-team vs B-team. A lot of it is just kids get X-more months to be alive and be more coordinated and grow. The even-ing out of placement as they get older seems to back this up.

 

I have no doubt that it "works" but I wonder if it's in the best long-term interests. Is making the A-team as a 6- through 10-year old really all that important over time? As is the case with everything, I'm sure it's perfectly harmless for many kids. But I'm also willing to bet some don't develop as quickly socially or academically. Are those negatives worth seeing Ayden out there with the A-team? 

[Elessar78]

6 minutes ago, TD_washingtonredskins said:

 

I have no doubt that it "works" but I wonder if it's in the best long-term interests. Is making the A-team as a 6- through 10-year old really all that important over time? As is the case with everything, I'm sure it's perfectly harmless for many kids. But I'm also willing to bet some don't develop as quickly socially or academically. Are those negatives worth seeing Ayden out there with the A-team? 

I'm not defending it. It's dumb. It's not that important. In many cases it's bad because they rest on their laurels (seen it many times) and they get to 10-12 and kids catch them. There are late developers that learn to be hard workers because that's how they keep up in these pre-teen ages. Then they get a boost from puberty. 

[TD_washingtonredskins]

1 minute ago, Elessar78 said:

I'm not defending it. It's dumb. It's not that important. In many cases it's bad because they rest on their laurels (seen it many times) and they get to 10-12 and kids catch them. There are late developers that learn to be hard workers because that's how they keep up in these pre-teen ages. Then they get a boost from puberty. 

 

I noticed you weren't advocating it after I posted...

 

I agree 100% - you look at the kids who "dominate" in the younger years and they struggle once they don't have a physical advantage to fall back on. Combine that with any social or academic struggles that may occur and it's a very short-sighted and misguided option for parents. 

 

The first time a neighbor mentioned it to me I laughed because I just assumed it was a joke. Then I felt bad as he continued to describe all the reasons why it would benefit his boy. 

[PleaseBlitz]

7 minutes ago, TD_washingtonredskins said:

  

I noticed you weren't advocating it after I posted...

 

I agree 100% - you look at the kids who "dominate" in the younger years and they struggle once they don't have a physical advantage to fall back on. Combine that with any social or academic struggles that may occur and it's a very short-sighted and misguided option for parents. 

 

The first time a neighbor mentioned it to me I laughed because I just assumed it was a joke. Then I felt bad as he continued to describe all the reasons why it would benefit his boy. 

 

Right, there are many developmental reasons to do it outside of sports.  I just want my kid to have the academic and social advantages of a few more months of being alive and to spare her the stigma that comes with being a "late bloomer."   

 

https://www.verywellfamily.com/academic-redshirting-pros-and-cons-620837

Quote

The Pros of Holding Your Child Out a Year

For some children, the short-term benefits of delaying kindergarten entrance by a year are worth it, particularly if a child's readiness skills are below that of his age-eligible peers. Research shows that in comparison to age-similar students, upon school entrance children who are academically redshirted often:

 

• achieve academically in math and reading either at par with or above their classroom peers.
• have increased social confidence and popularity.
• are less likely to be singled out for correction in regard to academic performance or classroom conduct.
• require less special education services than children who were retained in kindergarten instead of redshirted.

The Cons of Holding Your Child Out a Year

For other children, both the short and long-term consequences outweigh the benefits. The biggest reason parents give for holding a child out a year is that he doesn't seem as mature as his peers, either socially or academically. While in many cases an extra year can make a big difference in development, sometimes what is perceived as immaturity is actually an undiagnosed disability that could be addressed by special education services. Other cons of academic redshirting include:

• difficulty making and maintaining friendships with younger classmates, especially during the adolescent years.
• losing an extra year of special education services on the tail end of school if a student has significant disabilities covered under the IDEA.

 

None of the cons apply to my kid.

[TD_washingtonredskins]

1 minute ago, PleaseBlitz said:

 

Right, there are many developmental reasons to do it outside of sports.  I just want my kid to have the academic and social advantages of a few more months of being alive and to spare her the stigma that comes with being a "late bloomer."   

 

https://www.verywellfamily.com/academic-redshirting-pros-and-cons-620837

 

None of the cons apply to my kid.

 

Yeah, that's a good decision and, as I mentioned, we bounced back and forth between waiting and diving in. The private K (which had a small number of students too) was a fortunate thing we stumbled onto. Best of luck with your choice - sounds like your daughter is lucky to have parents who are taking the time to make these types of decisions. 

[Elessar78]

My eldest is in 3rd grade. Should we move to a new school district and have her repeat the 3rd grade so she can dominate? She's already a good student, def top 3rd of her class, but now that you got me thinking of it she could def be in the top ten percent (at least). That April birthday is def holding her back. 

 

All joking aside, I think we all try to give our kid advantages—this is probably no different than moving to a good school district or putting them in a private school if the public schools are substandard. 

[TD_washingtonredskins]

6 minutes ago, Elessar78 said:

My eldest is in 3rd grade. Should we move to a new school district and have her repeat the 3rd grade so she can dominate? She's already a good student, def top 3rd of her class, but now that you got me thinking of it she could def be in the top ten percent (at least). That April birthday is def holding her back. 

 

All joking aside, I think we all try to give our kid advantages—this is probably no different than moving to a good school district or putting them in a private school if the public schools are substandard. 

 

My only beef was about priorities. Sports vs. things that actually matter long-term. 

 

For some reason, I have absolutely no issue with parents making a decision based on academics. So, I agree with you that deciding on the correct time for YOUR child to enter school is about the same as moving to a better school district or opting for a private school. And, when parents do that, I applaud them. 

[Elessar78]

4 minutes ago, TD_washingtonredskins said:

 

. . . about the same as moving to a better school district or opting for a private school. And, when parents do that, I applaud them. 

Here in PA school district shopping has a negative effect, IMO. It makes the region very "tribal". So, I grew up in Fairfax county (when I was there it had a good national rep) and the county ran all the public schools in the county. Here counties can be chopped up into haves and have nots school districts. It triggers housing developments and strip malls, and sprawl etc. 

 

 

[PleaseBlitz]

The Alexandria school district is, as I understand it, pretty terrible.  The elementary school in my neighborhood is, by all accounts, excellent, but it gets dicey after that.  The high school is nicknamed Yale or Jail.  After elementary school, we are probably sending her to private school.  I should have paid off my student loans by then, it would be weird not to have a multi-thousand dollar per month drain on my income.

[TD_washingtonredskins]

1 minute ago, PleaseBlitz said:

The Alexandria school district is, as I understand it, pretty terrible.  The elementary school in my neighborhood is, by all accounts, excellent, but it gets dicey after that.  The high school is nicknamed Yale or Jail.  After elementary school, we are probably sending her to private school.  I should have paid off my student loans by then, it would be weird not to have a multi-thousand dollar per month drain on my income.

 TC Williams?

[PleaseBlitz]

Yep. 

[Elessar78]

Nah Thomas Jefferson.

[Elessar78]

FBI accuses wealthy parents, including celebrities, in college-entrance bribery scheme aimed at schools such as Yale, Georgetown (LINK)

 

By Washington Post Staff

March 12 at 10:55 AM

The alleged crimes, officials say, involved cheating on entrance exams, as well as bribing school officials to say certain students were coming to compete on athletic teams when those students were not in fact athletes.

 

Among those charged are actresses Felicity Huffman, best known for her role on the television show “Desperate Housewives,” and Lori Loughlin, who appeared on “Full House,” according to court documents.

 

Edited March 12, 2019 by Elessar78

[PleaseBlitz]

Quote

Huffman is accused of paying $15,000 — disguised as a charitable donation — to the Key Worldwide Foundation so her oldest daughter could participate in the scam. A confidential informant told investigators that he advised Huffman he could arrange for a third party to correct her daughter’s answers on the SAT after she took it. She ended up scoring a 1420 — 400 points higher than she had gotten on a PSAT taken a year earlier, according to court documents.

 

That's pretty brazen.  

 

What ever happened to using your socioeconomic status to hire the best tutors and punishing mediocrity by taking away the keys to the Porsche ... like normal rich white people. 

[Corcaigh]

1 minute ago, PleaseBlitz said:

 

What ever happened to using your socioeconomic status to hire the best tutors and punishing mediocrity by taking away the keys to the Porsche ... like normal rich white people. 

 

Because that sometimes isn't enough. Anyone who coaches will sooner or later come across parents who accept that their kid doesn't deserve more playing time based on ability, but they still argue that they deserve to play because of seniority, that lack of playing time is upsetting the kid etc.

[PleaseBlitz]

21 minutes ago, Corcaigh said:

 

Because that sometimes isn't enough. Anyone who coaches will sooner or later come across parents who accept that their kid doesn't deserve more playing time based on ability, but they still argue that they deserve to play because of seniority, that lack of playing time is upsetting the kid etc.

 

Well we are talking about hacking college admissions, not youth-sports playing time.  I'm guessing that telling a college admissions person that not getting into Yale will upset your kid doesn't actually get them into Yale. 

 

Edit:  If I'm a coach, another parent telling me their kid deserves to play, even though they suck, will not get them more playing time.  However, $15,000 will.  

Edited March 12, 2019 by PleaseBlitz

[Elessar78]

My wife is a lead child and adolescent therapist for Children’s Hospital in our city and she attended a conference on teen suicide last week. One of the biggest factors, by a large margin, among teens who attempt suicide is not getting sufficient sleep at night. 

[dfitzo53]

35 minutes ago, Elessar78 said:

My wife is a lead child and adolescent therapist for Children’s Hospital in our city and she attended a conference on teen suicide last week. One of the biggest factors, by a large margin, among teens who attempt suicide is not getting sufficient sleep at night. 

Yeah sleep is definitely crucial. 

 

On the other hand, I can imagine that someone considering suicide might have trouble sleeping, so there could be a chicken and egg aspect to it as well.