twa Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 A young man I coached for yrs( and a friend of the family) ,his younger brother celebrated Christmas by cold blooded murder and robbery http://www.hcnonline.com/courier/news/article_cdb2e8d5-268a-58f4-ba58-9fe9a9508439.html allegedly shot Jayachandra Elaprolu, also 22, five times with a semi-automatic handgun as Elaprolu tried to flee inside the Handi-Stop Conoco store. Wtf do you say to him and his family? Sorry it happened ,but I want your little brother dead? There is no excuse for what he did Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mickalino Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 Wtf do you say to him and his family?Sorry it happened ,but I want your little brother dead? There is no excuse for what he did Nothing at all ? :whoknows: Depends on how the family is responding to it. If they're like most families, they are probably already feeling a lot of shame, responsibility, and some degree of grieving of their own, and overall pretty crappy. I don't know that any negative words would help at all, and could only make matters worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enter Apotheosis Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 Sorry it happened ,but I want your little brother dead? This... minus the second part. The best you can do is just offer condolences and stay the **** out of it if you can't remain neutral or have nothing else to offer the family. They're going to suffer enough from that guy's poor decisions without you being an ******* about it outright. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gracelander Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 *sorry, I was drinking last night and what I thought was funny last night apparently was very insensitive, drinking and typing don't mix* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burgold Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 I think you offer the family sympathy. After all, they did not commit the murders, plan them, or likely actively play a part in them. The family is probably in shock right now and feeling destroyed and absolutely alone. More, they're probably twisted with the need to protect their child, find a way to absolve or forgive him, and being angry as Hell at him for what he did. This is a lost time for them assuming that they are not monsters or involved. Sorry that you have to be in these shoes. I never had to deal with that, but a student of mine who was severely intellectually disabled and one of these sweetest children ever born lost both of her parents in a fire when I was teaching her. It blanks the mind. When my friend told me that her thirteen year old daughter was pregnant and that they were keeping the child I didn't know what to say there either. Neither of these things were comparable, but both shocked me out of the comfort zone of the world that I know how to solve. I think that's the bigger question in your board querry. It's not so much what do I say, but what can I do? At least that's what would be in my mind. For while there was a failing in the parent's teachings which enabled a child to do this. Most of us were raised where this behavior couldn't enter our mental vocabulary. Still, the fault is entirely the son's. Even so, the parents, brothers and sisters and even you as an ex coach probably will bare scars from this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twa Posted January 7, 2011 Author Share Posted January 7, 2011 Yes they are trying to rationalize what happened and find it unbelievable. I want to support and help,but the act itself is a abomination to me...keeping my mouth shut is the only thing I've managed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burgold Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 I think you have to figure it out for yourself first because the act is an abomination. Murder is the worst thing a human can do. So, I think giving them silence versus condemnation is probably a good thing. Giving them a kind word and maybe letting them know since these are family friends that they themselves haven't turned into lepers that you and their community won't reject them and they won't lose all the supports that they had come to count on. Maybe even admitting to them that you will try to be there for them, but that right now you don't quite know how to handle this yourself and share their grief and confusion and anger. Then again, there are no easy answers to how to deal with this as a friend, coach, or even community member. If they're churchgoing people hopefully their pastor or priest can help guide them or you can seek counsel on this. Hard thing to be a good man and want to be a good man, but be in this kind of situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan T. Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 twa, did you know this kid at all? Or had you heard about him? Had he been in trouble before? It is mind boggling to me that any human could kill a person in cold blood like that. I wonder about his background, and whether he had any issues growing up. As to what you should say, I think others are correct in that you give general support and sympathy to the family but refrain from saying much else. I imagine it's shaken you up too... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twa Posted January 7, 2011 Author Share Posted January 7, 2011 I coached his older brother for yrs,he went to school,played sports with, and grew up with my kids..they are even customers of mine, His brother I am close to is a non-com in the Marines(just back from Afghanistan) and I know his wife and child. his brother is on my limited facebook friends....ya might say we have met. his little brother never had any abnormal issues that I know of (though I had much less interaction with him) raised by a hard working mother I could see a fight getting out of hand or something,but this was just cold blooded.murder Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan T. Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 I coached his older brother for yrs,he went to school,played sports with, and grew up with my kids..they are even customers of mine,His brother I am close to is a non-com in the Marines(just back from Afghanistan) and I know his wife and child. his brother is on my limited facebook friends....ya might say we have met. his little brother never had any abnormal issues that I know of (though I had much less interaction with him) raised by a hard working mother I could see a fight getting out of hand or something,but this was just cold blooded.murder I wonder if drugs are a factor. Otherwise, to me it's scary that a horrific, cold-blooded act can be perpetrated by someone seemingly out of the blue like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GSF Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 ...keeping my mouth shut is the only thing I've managed. That's what i would do...nothing you can say really other than sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twa Posted January 7, 2011 Author Share Posted January 7, 2011 Judging by his accomplice and the idiocy,drugs are a good bet. The guy going back to the store to protest his innocence was unbelievable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twa Posted January 8, 2011 Author Share Posted January 8, 2011 VW5E8noEbn4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The 12th Commandment Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 Yeah, nothing you can do but shut the. Shame to see people you know have to go through that. In time, I'd guess they'll open up about it a little. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chipwhich Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 You tell his family you will pray for them and call it a day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seabee1973 Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 I think burgold has some good answers but id also like to say be supportive of the family they will probably lose some friends over this. Everybody makes mistakes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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