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DGreenistheBest

By DGreenistheBest
in The Tailgate

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Burgold

Burgold

Posted
Posted

To expound on what my chief advisor said about the state of the union.

At times, it's gotten too darn serious. Maybe there are too many people who just don't know each other. If that's the case I propose we develop more social interactive opportunities (like Pez and Huly's Dave and Buster outings) and more joke threads where the purpose is just to have a good time. Also, to relieve stress and as a proponent of the second ammendment, I think we should all band together and go troll hunting.

Seriously though, a few years ago there were more silly threads and we would laugh more often. Tailgate citizens need to be able to relax and laugh together even as they engage in meaningful and inciteful dialogue.

And of course, as part of my main platform, I propose to improve the state of the Tailgate by offering less Burgold.

Remember, a vote for Burgold is a vote for less Burgold.

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Mass_SkinsFan

Mass_SkinsFan

Posted
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-The Redskins. Where do you see them ending up this season and how will you make sure they win as many games as possible?

I see them ending up at 4-12. It's not my problem to make a Socialist system work.

-Prostitution. Why is it illegal? How would you regulate it if it were legal?

I say make it legal and don't regulate it at all. Of course considering the new restrictions on women under my administration it would probably be somewhat self-regulating to begin with.

-Prohibition. How angry would you be if it were reinstated?

Control of alcohol, tobacco and illicit drugs would be among the highest priorities of the Justice Dept. under my administration.

-The CERN atom smasher in Eurpoe. Will it destroy the world? If it does, how will you address this situation?

Who care is Europeans destroy themselves?

-The First Lady. Who would you pick from the recent Hottie draft to be yours?

Nobody. Then again that shouldn't surpries anyone.

--Concealed weapons. How big is yours?

About a 4.25" barrel, but it carries 17 rounds in it, so that makes up for it.

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Teller

Teller

Posted
Posted
]-The state of the Tailgate. What's wrong with it? How can it be improved? What will you do to make sure it is improved?[/i]

The state of the 'gate is strong. Sure, like any group of 80,000 people, we have our differences. We have our quarrels. We occasionally have knock-down, drag-out battles of wits and ideals amongst friends.

But I see the tailgate as a true, tangible family. A place where what unites us is stronger than what divides us. A place where it's fine for us to pick on our little brother; but a place where an outsider had better not.

We are a diverse group. Not only in our backgrounds, but in our beliefs. But that is what makes us strong. We have the sense to realize that we can learn more from those who DISagree than those with whom we agree.

Can we get better? Of course we can. At such point as we cease trying to get better, we inherently get worse. I will endeavor to set a higher standard for my fellow posters. I will strive to set an example that is humorous but thought-provoking; that is global but introspective, and that attacks only posts, not fellow posters.

-The Redskins. Where do you see them ending up this season and how will you make sure they win as many games as possible?

If the Washington Redskins leave everything they have on the field, the way this lifelong fan vows to leave his vocal cords in the stands each week, they will certainly go 16-0 and win the Super Bowl.

Here again, I will set the example for my fellow fans, by forcing our opponents into at least two false starts per game by myself with the full vocal fury of 43 Sprint Cup cars eminating from my throat.

-Prostitution. Why is it illegal? How would you regulate it if it were legal?

Prostitution is illegal because if it weren't, marriage in this country would cease to exist. Afterall, you're not paying a prostitute for sex. You're paying her to leave when it's over. Wives, by their nature stay. And want to do horrid things like cuddle, and talk.

Of course, my plan is to rid this fine country of the scourge of marriage anyway. Under my plan, men would not only find themselves single, but with an extra $10,000 a month to spend as they choose.

I will propose the 69th Amendment, which will state in part: "Well regulated prostitutes, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep bear vaginas shall not be infringed."

-Prohibition. How angry would you be if it were reinstated?

Dude. I'd be like so ****ing pissed!!!

Errr....

That is to say, prohibition will never be reinstated on my watch. For it is the continued prohibition of the reinstatement of prohibition that ensures the lowering of female inhibition.

-Cylcists. How do you feel about them as a part of road traffic? Do you find them to be pompous in light of recent gas prices and their apparent ability to ride hundreds of miles without breaking a sweat?

I googled "cylcists," because I was unfamiliar with that type of tumor, but I can assure you that my health-care plan will aggressively pursue cures for all types of cancer.

I found no results for "cylcists," but Mr. Google would like to know if you mean "cyclists."

-The CERN atom smasher in Eurpoe. Will it destroy the world? If it does, how will you address this situation?

If it does, I will likely be watching the pretty colors and flashes from Hogship 1, and no doubt addressing the event with multiplicitous "Ooooos" and "Ahhhhhs."

-The First Lady. Who would you pick from the recent Hottie draft to be yours?

I'm not sure if she was drafted, but in my ideal world, I would select the lovely Ms. Laetitia Casta.

-Big burritos. Chipotle or Qdoba (or other; political suicide)?

You have not had Mexican cuisine unless you've had CHUBAKAH'S Mexican cuisine. There is no substitute.

-Concealed weapons. How big is yours?

My concealed weapon is my massive intellect. And like I said, it's massive. Unfortunately, it's also concealed extremely well. :)

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Baculus

Baculus

Posted
Posted

Hmmmm...

-The state of the Tailgate. What's wrong with it? How can it be improved? What will you do to make sure it is improved?

I think the state of the Tailgate is strong due to this buffer I like to call "the Stadium" which appears to keep the riff-raff over that-a-way.

Thank the football Gods for that flypaper.

I really see nothing wrong with it, other then not enough threads about Mastodon. And it could be improved by more threads about Mastodon.

And I will improve the Tailgate by making more threads about Mastodon (when I have vital information about Mastodon to report).

Other then that, seriously, the mods do a great job of allowing most folks to behave like mature folks. In essence, they use laissez-faire, which I agree with.

-The Redskins. Where do you see them ending up this season and how will you make sure they win as many games as possible?

I see the Redskins being around 9 - 7, though 16 - 0 is possible if I win.

Usually, my time spent yelling at the TV (or at them live if I see a game) is how I make them improve. I figure if I yell "COME ON YOU ****S" loud enough, I believe they won't lose.

Of course, that theory may be flawed, since I was yelling that a lot at last year's Buffalo game.

-Prostitution. Why is it illegal? How would you regulate it if it were legal?

I blame the Welsh for prostitution being illegal.

Also, I would regulate prostitution on the same way as any commerce, and probably use Nevada and the Dutch's example to regulate. Either that, or let Bill O'Reilly take care of the matter.

-Prohibition. How angry would you be if it were reinstated?

Wars have been started for lesser reasons.

-Cylcists. How do you feel about them as a part of road traffic? Do you find them to be pompous in light of recent gas prices and their apparent ability to ride hundreds of miles without breaking a sweat?

I used to ride so...uh... :paranoid:

Never mind I said that. Next question?

-The CERN atom smasher in Eurpoe. Will it destroy the world? If it does, how will you address this situation?

I really do not know if the CERN atom smasher will destroy the world. But the scientists seem confident...perhaps a little bit too confident. Is that maniacal evil scientist laughter I hear? OMG!

BRUCE WILLIS! WE NEED YOU!

*Ka-blamo*

Problem solved.

-The First Lady. Who would you pick from the recent Hottie draft to be yours?

I think Megan Fox is pretty fine (and I really can't think of any of the other chick's names, TBH).

-Big burritos. Chipotle or Qdoba (or other; political suicide)?

Qdoba, who? I am a man of the people, not some elite! Taco bell FTW! (Actually, I am not sure what's a Qdoba...really, what is it?)

-Concealed weapons. How big is yours?

Compact, but maneuverable, because I know to use it: A M-92 short-frame Beretta.

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DGreenistheBest

DGreenistheBest

Posted
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Posted

Okay, I think we've heard from all the major candidates. Tomorrow, I'll give a breakdown of how I think everyone fared and who answered each question the best, and therefore who is closest to receiving my endorsement which carries no value whatsoever and may in fact be a hindrance. But in the mean time, I'd like to open it up for town hall style questioning as well as for candidates to address each other.

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Tastes Like Chicken

Tastes Like Chicken

Posted
Posted

-The state of the Tailgate. What's wrong with it? How can it be improved? What will you do to make sure it is improved?

Too many political threads, same old ****, different thread. I would create a separate politics forum called "Capitol Hill". The tailgate would be for silly threads, hottie pics, interesting China finds, and Pez's official tailgate threads, etc.

-The Redskins. Where do you see them ending up this season and how will you make sure they win as many games as possible?

Our burgundy & gold, will deliver this year with a vengeance. 13-3 with home field advantage. I will do my part, in section 402 screaming my fool head off and in the Green lot of FedEx, spreading crack-on-a-stick, pedestrian burgers and beer to the greatest fans on earth. Did I mention yet, No endorsement = No COAS?

-Prostitution. Why is it illegal? How would you regulate it if it were legal?

It's illegal because women know that their gold prize would be devalued if it wasn't. Under my plan you will legally obtain a variety of tang, and take pressure off your wife so that she can cook, do laundry, and therefore will have the correct mindset to service you 33% more.

-Prohibition. How angry would you be if it were reinstated?

I'd be out of my ****ing mind! What else would I do around noon?

-Cylcists. How do you feel about them as a part of road traffic? Do you find them to be pompous in light of recent gas prices and their apparent ability to ride hundreds of miles without breaking a sweat?

Cyclists do not belong on the road. I will immediately make it illegal for that annoying bicyclist to slow you down on the way to the liquor store or brothel. And if you hit 'em? No sweat, no points.

-The CERN atom smasher in Eurpoe. Will it destroy the world? If it does, how will you address this situation?

Yes, it is potentially very dangerous. It should be tested somewhere of little US value, like Afghanistan or Dallas.

-The First Lady. Who would you pick from the recent Hottie draft to be yours?

Jessica Alba (shocker, I know)

-Big burritos. Chipotle or Qdoba (or other; political suicide)?

I do not in any way endorse illegal immigration. I prefer Pez wings.

-Concealed weapons. How big is yours?

Ask SO's mom. bwahahaha

Actually, I am in the process of purchasing a firearm and am actively searching for a Secretary of Defense to assist in this.

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Burgold

Burgold

Posted
Posted
Well, since the candidate who was closest to getting my endorsement had to drop out due to health reasons (get well soon), the rest of you have to continue the debate! DarrelsMyHero28 is currently in the lead for my endorsement.

DarrelsMyHero28 is very worthy of your support. He volunteered to become my campaign manager yesterday and has proven himself top notch in every respect. Since you support him, I would like to ask for your support and to remind you that

a vote for Burgold is a vote for less Burgold.

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