richard saunders Posted May 28, 2005 Share Posted May 28, 2005 Wow...you work through your problems fast Just curious...was it the pseudoepehdrine you were having a problem with, or stuff like Nyquill to help fall asleep? Continue to work hard and stay focused...don't let any of your new girlfriends get you off track. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dallsux Posted May 28, 2005 Share Posted May 28, 2005 Originally posted by chomerics Hey guys, thanks for the well wishes and thoughts. Well, we had our talk and I think we have decided to go our seperate ways for right now. I truly wanted to try to make things work out, but I think she is not in a position to deal with any type of relationship issues. I offered to go to coounciling with her and to do what ever it takes, but i think she has already reserved herself to the fact that she needs to find out who she is before she can ever truly love anyone. During the conversation, we were both 100% honest with each other. I do have a drug problem, but I am aware of it and I am working on my issues right now. It is with over the counter medication, or cold pills, but it is still a drug problem. I use them as a release mechanism to escape the reality of a bad relationship. She, on the other hand uses alcohol as her escape mechanism. Her point is that this path we are heading on right now will only end in tragedy, and I tend to agree with her. She has issues dealing with intimacy, my issues involve honesty. She needs to learn hoe to love somebody truly and honestly with no regrets. She has never been able to do this with me, throughout our entire relationship, I knew this, yet I never wanted to admit it to myself. My problems have to do with petty issues, things like surfing on the internet and looking at porn, which upsets her, but I would lie about it. They were little lies in my eyes, but I never understood how these little lies could manifest themself into something that was insurmountable until now. Part of the problem is that she was a beautiful woman who had absolutely no self esteem when I met her. She had some bad luck with some guys who screwed her over, and she never truly allowed herself to get hurt like that again, so she never truly alowed herself to love 100% openly and honestly. She has grown into a truly wonderful and successful woman, and I like to think that this was because of me. I like to think that at least I have helped her some way in her life and made it better. When we met, she had trouble with basic math and was borderline ignorant. She was on major drugs when she was younger due to childhood epillipsy and she never got the basic fundamentals of schooling because of the drugs. She worked hard at everything she accomplished and she graduated with an associates degree. She is now a project accountant for a general contracting firm in Boston, second in command to the comptroller. Not too bad considering when I met her she had never been to the city by herself, and did not know her multiplication tables. Well, I am now going to surf the internet for rental apartments, and I will probably move out next week. I think this is for the best, as she may come to understand what she has lost in me, and maybe just maybe this will allow her to solve her own problems. I know I was part of the issue, and I was willing to stay, but in the end this will be for the best, either way. I am going to leave her everything, and just move out free and clear. I am going to fight for the truck, but she can keep the civic. Everything else we have worked for, I will leave her. I do love this girl, and I do want her to be happy in life. If it is without me then so be it, but I am not concerned over petty issues of material things. I am only concerned that she truly finds herself and can one day find the hapiness she deserves. Again thanks for listining to my b!tching, my ranting and allowing me to get things off of my chest. I also want to thank the people who have offfered to "introduce me to god", and I do appreciate your kindness. I applaud you for it and I also applaud you for not using preconceived bias' enter into the fray. I also thank you you for thinking enough of my charactor to ask me to let god into my life. I just don't think me and the good ol' JC get along too well, it is not that I think he's evil, bad or anything like that, just that I am a skeptic and I don't believe things which I can not see or touch. As for staying with her for 12 years, I can honestly say that I did give it an honest effort and it did not work out. I think many others would have left by now, but I stuck with it until it got to the point of reckless behavior. I didn't know if I should post the e-mail, but I thouhgt it would be OK seeing as to how nobody knows her. It is an invasion of privacy on her, but I think posting this e-mail helps me admmit things to myself and to look at the situation with a more objective eye. Again, thanks for listening to my rant, I may not be around as much anymore, until I get settled down, but I still will be here from time to time. . . So this means no free reign on dem bashing OK guys Thanks again everyone, your words truly have helped me through a rough day. :rubeyes: I am truly sorry that things didn't work out the way you wanted them to. I can't even imagine how hard this was for you to open up the way that you did, not just to her, but also to us. That took serious guts. :respect: I know it also had to be equally difficult to finally be honest with yourself & realize that your situation was not the ideal one. I truly hope that everything works out for you & that happiness will soon come. Again, I am sorry that this has happened to you. I wish you the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Die Hard Posted May 28, 2005 Share Posted May 28, 2005 Chomerics, Honestly, you are one of my favorite posters. So needless to say, I was a little disappointed in your past transgressions when we lost you there for a bit. Believe it or not, you are I share almost the same viewpoints on everything. And this situation is absolutely no different. You made a very brave and wise decision.... and you obviously understood the circumstances... and responding appropriately. You have a very good head on your shoulders.... and you will lead a very rewarding and fulfilling life. I'm proud of you. Except with the part of giving her "everything". I thought that was a little whack I'd never give up my dog without a fight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chomerics Posted May 29, 2005 Author Share Posted May 29, 2005 Originally posted by richard saunders Wow...you work through your problems fast Just curious...was it the pseudoepehdrine you were having a problem with, or stuff like Nyquill to help fall asleep? Continue to work hard and stay focused...don't let any of your new girlfriends get you off track. Yea, it was a combination of pseudophedrine and dextrotriptomophan (sp?). It really screws with your mind, and it is almost like you are tripping or something. I realized it one day when I had a cold, and I got to the point where I was spending $5 a day on pills just to get the same feeling. I know it isn't the same as an addicition to cocane or something like that, but I did recognize it as an adiction and I had to get myself off of them. As for working through my problems, I realized in life (a little later then I would like to admit) that when you have a problem you need to face it head on. This is always the best solution, the outcome may not be what you truly want, as it was in this case, but it will almost always be for the best. I used to have the hands off approach to problems and I would ignore them until they became such a burden I could ignore them no longer, but I have come to learn the errors of my previous ways. Now, I try to look at a problem, examine it from all sides and come up with a direct but rational solution. When that decision is made, I make sure to focus on the future and not on the past. As for me and the ex, who knows where things will be in the future. Is there a possibility we will get back together? Sure, but not on her terms, on mine. I will not come back until I see that she is a changed woman, and I need to know that this has happened. Personaly, knowing her personality, I don't ever think this will happen. She has a real hard time at self reflection and a difficulty in recognizing her own faults, but is quick to point our other peoples faults. . . Very hypocrytical and she is often unreasonable. Unless she changes her personality and fixes these charactor flaws, I will never be back, and I know she is not ready to do this right now. I am looking towards the future, and what my life will bring. It is hard to end something you thought would last for ever, and it is hard to remove yourself from someones life that you truly love, but this is for the best. I need somebody who will complete me on a personal, emotional and physical level, not someone who has problems and issues knowing who they are. I realize this now, I am just glad we did not have any children together, as that would have truly crushed me. As for this thread, I have never had a problem opening up and sharing my innermost thoughts or experiences, and I think it gives you guys (and girls) a better insight as to where I am coming from and who I am as a person. Even thought I have not met anyone from ES, I do consider a bunch of you my friends, and I feel like I can talk to anyone here. I am secure enough in my own masculenity and mental well being to open up and let people see what is going on with my mind, my thoughts, feelings and beliefs. I know most of the posters here are very respectful to others, as I try to be the same way . . (well most of the time). I appreciate all of the comments and well wishes, and I like to let people know I am doing OK. I have got a number of PMs from people I always do battle with so to speak (you guys know who you are ) and it just goes to show the charactor of people on this board. It is truly a testament to all the hard work and attention the mods put into this board, and how they keep things under control. Well, thanks again guys, just wanted to update you and don't worry, I'll post pictures once I move in Die Hard, as for the dogs, that part really sucks. I am moving into an apartment, and I am more concerned about them moving from a nice house with a big yard to a small apartment, as I don't think it would be fair to them. I am trying to keep this amicable with her so I can take the dogs on the weekends if I want to, I'm not sure if we will be talking when I move out, but I always want to keep that option open. To be completely honest, I am more upset about llosing the dogs then her, but I guess that goes to show you the state our relationship was in. Truly sad, but it makes me feel even better because I know I am making the right decision, not that I think I am Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
richard saunders Posted May 29, 2005 Share Posted May 29, 2005 It'll be whatever you make of it.... The best thing that ever happening to you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkinsHokieFan Posted May 29, 2005 Share Posted May 29, 2005 Good luck the rest of the way Chom, I have learned a lot just reading this thread and what you have been through. Mad respect for making the best decision for youself, I hope if I ever face this type of decision in my life I can do what I need to do for myself also Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
richard saunders Posted May 29, 2005 Share Posted May 29, 2005 Originally posted by chomerics I realize this now, I am just glad we did not have any children together, as that would have truly crushed me. That's the understatement of the century. I hope to God I'm never in that situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dallsux Posted May 29, 2005 Share Posted May 29, 2005 Originally posted by chomerics Hey guys, update today. . . Well, I'm all packed up and I am moving out on Tuesday. The misses is being extremely difficult as in she wants to keep absolutely everything we ever bought. According to her, she wants to give me a bedroom set which was given to us, a kitchen table we were going to throw away and a TV in the bedroom worth about $250. She gets everything else Needless to say it has not been pleasant talking to her over the past few days. I am still debating on just taking exactly what I want and leaving her with the rest, but I am trying to be mature about this situation and get her to agree amicably. I am leaving her the house with over $100K in equity, plus most of the other stuff inside it. We have a $10K entertainment center which I definitely wanted, a truck (which she can have) a bedroom set and a dining room set. This is not mentioning the $10K in lawn and garden tools, shed I built, floors I installed, Fence I put up, and the entire front yard which was re-landscaped. I don't have a problem with leaving her with stuff, but her petty attitude is driving my absolutely ape sh!t. I am really at wits end trying to decide if I should say screw her and take what I want, or try one more time to have a logical discussion about what to take. Right now, I am undecided on what to do. Now, with that being said, I am definitely excited to be on with my life. I have already met a few people on line, and I have been out on one date. I know I will land on my feet no mater where I go in life, so I am not as much concerned about myself as I am her. Confidence is definitely not an area I am lacking in . . as if I needed to tell you guys this though :laugh: Anyways, thanks again for the well wishes. It was a difficult decision to make, probably the hardest I've ever had to make in my life, but I know I did the right thing. I know my life will be better off in the future, and I also know more of what I am looking for in a wife and partner. I will actually be able to have an intelligent and deep conversation with somebody who I care deeply about, and this is something I was sorely lacking. I can also look forward to a new partner who will be intimate in an emotional and physical state as well. I will find this one day, but I will not settle until I do. Having the experience of this relationship has made me a better man, and it has also made me realize more of what I want in life. I am going to explore my T-type personality fully this summer, as I have already signed up for pilot lessons and I am also planning of going skydiving. I will see what life brings, but I am definitely sure it is heading in the right direction. I will update as things progress I'm happy to see that things are (kind of) working out for you. It's kinda like the Monkey's Paw. You have to lose something to gain something. Unfortunately, it's always something big. Good luck with your new life. BTW, keep us updated on the pilot lessons thing, if you could. I have been thinking about doing that myself cause I think that would be a lot of fun! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenmdixon Posted May 29, 2005 Share Posted May 29, 2005 cho, thanks for updating us on what's going on with you. Just a word to the wise - make sure that your finances are completely separated from hers. This means all (if there were any) joint credit cards or loans for cars or other items, bills for the house, and especially the mortgage on the house if there is one. If your name is on anything with hers and she wants to be petty, she can royally fudge up your credit by not making payments. This happened to my husband in a previous relationship (though not anything he couldn't recover from) and it took him a while to clean that all up. Don't let that happen to you. Keep on the good path, sir. I'm rooting for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PokerPacker Posted May 29, 2005 Share Posted May 29, 2005 don't give her everything. your giving her the hause, that's valuable enough, but to give her everything else she wants... don't go down without fight. if you want that entertainment system, just uninstall it, it will be useless to her because she'd never figure out how to get it running again. if you want something, take it. $crew her, if she gets a whole house, you deserve more than a rag on a stick with a couple luxury items. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iheartskins Posted May 29, 2005 Share Posted May 29, 2005 cho, I think Jen has basically voiced the exact concerns and congrats that I would have--and for that reason I will only say one additional thing... I'm very happy that you're able to make these steps. That's no small feat especially given the emotional turmoil that I'm sure accompanies many of them at least on some level. As always we're here for you. As much as you compliment this Board, you are also part of what makes it tick and go the way it does. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freakofthesouth Posted May 29, 2005 Share Posted May 29, 2005 Hey Cho- Freak here. Hi. Just wanted to identify w/ you for a second; I recently ended a 4 year relationship (living together for 3), and it has been a tough, yet enlightening, road. My own personal struggles have found me at some high highs, and some low lows. All in all, I am confident that my decision to leave was the right one. I wanted to recommend a book to you that you may already know about, as may the rest of the board- "Who moved my cheese?" It's all about dealing w/ change in your life, monitoring change, reacting to change, etc. It's a great, over-simplified story that is right on. I recently read it in about 20 minutes, and it has really changed my outlook. Other than that, good luck to you, and try to keep in mind that so many other people can identify w/ your situation. ~Freak Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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