Huly Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 We all learn from expierances and each other! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkinsNut73 Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Originally posted by Ghost of Nibbs McPimpin My Uncle told me, somewhat surprisingly, that the devastation I felt after my 'first love" and I broke up was not going to be replicated. There is an 'innocence' involved, one that you bring to the whole process, and once you go through it, it's different from then on. This is so true...I never thought about it...but it is soooo true. And to think Ghost...when I clicked on this thread I thought you attached an audio clip of you singing a Whitney Houston song :laugh: Damn Nick...that story really got me choked up. I was having a pity party for myself this morning because some things haven't gone quite the way I'd like in recent days...but after reading your story it put everything in perspective. ...on another note...my in-laws got MARRIED on their SECOND date. They remained married until my father-in-law passed away shortly after their 28th wedding anniversary. My sister-in-law and her boyfriend broke up after 12 years together (always dating, never engaged) when they realized they were no longer in love with each other. Talk about 2 extremes coming from the same family... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ntotoro Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Originally posted by SkinsNut73 Damn Nick...that story really got me choked up. I was having a pity party for myself this morning because some things haven't gone quite the way I'd like in recent days...but after reading your story it put everything in perspective. It's all about perspective, brother. I have a friend in a bad marriage who just had a child. Her Mother died several years ago and her Father died almost four years ago, so she has literally no family where she can turn. I feel like the luckiest guy on Earth compared to her, but we know what we have by how we live with it and what we pass on. Nick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NASMTrainer Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Originally posted by Fatty P For The Pulitzer Yeah, the first time I was in love, I was seeing this girl from Loyola College in Bmore (her name rhymes with hairy man!). We had some good times, and I learned a lot from her. A lot. But when I found out she liked to hook up with girls when she was drunk, I had to let her go. I agree with whoever said that it's love when it hurts to lose them. It hurt, but those kind of things always make you stronger. Mulva? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ntotoro Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Delores Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Punani2 Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Originally posted by Ghost of Nibbs McPimpin Does anyone actually take this line seriously? Dks thread kind of reawoke old and painful memories for me. From the classic, "I want our kids to have your eyes" that my ex from way back threw at me, to her looking over baby name books and screaming beyond human comprehension. :laugh: Without getting into everything that happened, it ended. OK, I don't think people need to try to force a 'friendship,' especially when it's painful for one or both parties. But, does the "always love" still apply? What about all those married then divorced people? And what if you no longer 'love' someone--is there still residual love there even after there's been a long time since the relationship, and indeed quite a long silence between the two? Does anyone take this word seriously? My girlfriend now hasn't used it and we've been together months and I'm RELIEVED. It took my last girlfriend a long, LOOOOONG time to say it, but then she was telling me how vulnerable she felt and of course, not too long after we broke up. So, can you still love someone that doesn't even care about you anymore? Should you, on some level, still care for them? Does honoring that one facet of your life, at one point conjoined with another's, does this include honoring a friendship if they are amicable? Or does any sentiment have to go both ways? At what point does honor become obsession or pitiable scarring of the heart? Love is the best thing in the world. It can also be the most painful thing in the world as well. As far as the "residual love goes" I think so. Esp when it's your first love. Why? Because it was the first time you had those feelings and the last time you will idealize the relationship that much. Just like your Uncle said, the innocence is lost. You can never get that back. Hell, it has been 16 yrs since my first love and I still think about her. Would I date her again? Hell No.(relationship ended on VERY bad terms) I feel the reason why I still think about my first love is not so much the person but the relationship itself and how that whole process of falling in love with someone was new and special. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seanskins Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Originally posted by halter91 I will always love my 1st real girlfreind, even though she dumped me for a doctor. She will always have a place in my big ole heart. My biggest problem is, I always hold other girls I date to her standards, which really isn't fair. I will always love my best friends, guys I would take a bullet for, I will always love my family, so I guess it depends how you use it. Bingo. I have the same problem, I am constantly holding GF's to the same standard as my first love. Something about it, simple, untapped emotion. I agree with everything you said, my guys, and my family I will always hold dear, but the thing about the old loves. You may have love in your heart for what they once were, but as time goes on and the relationship diminishes, thats all it is, a love of fond memories. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oldskool Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Like some other posters have said, love varies from individual to individual. I can honestly say that I still have a bit of love or a soft spot for all of my ex’s except one. I’ll get to her in a sec. Remembering that according to the ancient Greek’s there are 3 types of love Philia - which is brotherly/sisterly love. Agape – Love that a parent/God has for another Eros – Romantic/lustful love I still feel at least Philia love for them and perhaps a bit of Eros but not enough to ever attempt a relationship again. As for the heartbreaker, well Nicole was her name and she literally did me wrong. I’ve never met a person who took soo much emotion from another person and gave nothing back in return. I was blind, yes I’ll admit that and I willingly gave to her but when she finally decided to break it off and I found out she was marrying a guy she was seeing at the same time I was with he, I had to erase her from my life. She literally is a ghost to me now. Ironically, a mutual friend of ours happen to run into her and he passed on some words from her to me. My response was “that’s nice; she no longer exists in my world.” Anyhow I believe that you will love multiple people in your life until you are able to meet that one special person. I’m with a woman now that I can see me spending the rest of my life with but unfortunately there is one lady that I can’t get over the what if feeling about. Oh well, nothing is ever perfect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RAC Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 I love the Redskins.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ntotoro Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Originally posted by seanskins Bingo. I have the same problem, I am constantly holding GF's to the same standard as my first love. Something about it, simple, untapped emotion. I agree with everything you said, my guys, and my family I will always hold dear, but the thing about the old loves. You may have love in your heart for what they once were, but as time goes on and the relationship diminishes, thats all it is, a love of fond memories. You'll get to learn that over time, but it seems you already have an idea. While you'll (maybe) always care for these women (and you ladies, too, with your men in the past) and a part of you may still love them, you eventually will no longer relate to the feelings you had when you were in love with them. You start questioning yourself, asking stuff like "what was I thinking?" or "was I really that lame?" Don't worry about it. Even if it seems like a remote or distant feeling, you did the things you did and felt the things you felt because that was how you were at the time. Even if you can no longer relate to it, take solace in the fact that you're not loony toons... Nick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Huly Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Originally posted by ntotoro You'll get to learn that over time, but it seems you already have an idea. While you'll (maybe) always care for these women (and you ladies, too, with your men in the past) and a part of you may still love them, you eventually will no longer relate to the feelings you had when you were in love with them. You start questioning yourself, asking stuff like "what was I thinking?" or "was I really that lame?" Don't worry about it. Even if it seems like a remote or distant feeling, you did the things you did and felt the things you felt because that was how you were at the time. Even if you can no longer relate to it, take solace in the fact that you're not loony toons... Nick I can say that about most of my Exs but the one I kept going back to I was definately loony toons. I was just blind all of my friends saw what I did not! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkinsHokieFan Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 I have never been in love with another woman (besides my mother but thats something else), but not to take this thread too far off on a tangent but for the people in love, did you ever have that kind of love for close friends of yours? I can honeslty say that I truly love my 8 closest friends, and especially what we went through last month, its only grown stronger. Almost in a Lord of the Rings sense, where you could see the love Frodo had for his friends. Is it the same love between your "soul mate" and that you have between very close friends? I tell people I am lucky to have developed the friendships I have now, and I really don't know if any woman could make me feel "better" (for lack of a better word) then these guys do. And this isn't in some homoerotic sense, but just in the feeling you have for one another Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riggo-toni Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Love is truely Evol spelled backwards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ntotoro Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Originally posted by SkinsHokieFan I have never been in love with another woman (besides my mother but thats something else), but not to take this thread too far off on a tangent but for the people in love, did you ever have that kind of love for close friends of yours? Nope. Not even remotely the same. Friendly relationships tend to be more like family to me, but I have an even completely different love for my own blood. It's almost difficult to understand, but my ethnic background puts a very, very large importance and affectation upon our own blood over others. Cliche, but true. When you're in-love, you'll know it. Trust. Nick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghost of Posted January 27, 2005 Author Share Posted January 27, 2005 Thanks for the responses, everybody. It's interesting to see my online friends' 'histories' and how these stories led them through the course of their lives. I can relate to my namesake, Nick, in losing a parent. I also know what it's like for your last words to be spoken in anger to someone who you love who passes shortly after. I had a lot of guilt about that for years afterwards and the fact that I didn't know he was downstairs in the kitchen needing to be saved. We tried, though. My mom and I definitely tried. Maybe that's my problem. My relationship with my father was my most painful and most loving relationship. In a way, my first love lit a light in that void in my heart, and when that was gone I pretty much collapsed. I'm now the age my father was when my mother was pregnant with me. I feel like I don't have much time left to get to that point. I know that this is not rational, but I don't have a particularly great feeling about what will happen in the future. I'm not talking about wealth or career(though that's not exactly looking up) but about 'love' and children. A LASTING love. Oh well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Huly Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Originally posted by Ghost of Nibbs McPimpin Thanks for the responses, everybody. It's interesting to see my online friends' 'histories' and how these stories led them through the course of their lives. I can relate to my namesake, Nick, in losing a parent. I also know what it's like for your last words to be spoken in anger to someone who you love who passes shortly after. I had a lot of guilt about that for years afterwards and the fact that I didn't know he was downstairs in the kitchen needing to be saved. We tried, though. My mom and I definitely tried. Maybe that's my problem. My relationship with my father was my most painful and most loving relationship. In a way, my first love lit a light in that void in my heart, and when that was gone I pretty much collapsed. I'm now the age my father was when my mother was pregnant with me. I feel like I don't have much time left to get to that point. I know that this is not rational, but I don't have a particularly great feeling about what will happen in the future. I'm not talking about wealth or career(though that's not exactly looking up) but about 'love' and children. A LASTING love. Oh well. You have pleanty of time to find what you are looking for ghost! The first thing you need to do is heal old wounds. You talking about it will help but I will tell you that it takes years. I am still trying to heal myself. My parents did not know till recently that I cried myself to sleep every night till I was 18 after my brother died or what I said and why I was so torn up and why I denied it for so long. I did not tell them. My father has a serious heart condition. He had hist first heart attack at 36, well one of his heart doctors is a very good friend of the family. I call him Uncle Allen. Well Uncle Allen followed my father around for weeks making sure he was ok after my brother died and he also told me that I have to be careful and not upset my dad as it can hurt his heart. I took that as only to show happy emotions and not my pain so I put on a mask around my parents. By 18 I was working 80 hours a week through the holidays where I would not have to face the anniversary of my brother's death and his birthday. I worked myself like crazy. I had to learn to forgive myself. I am still not 100% there and I still feel guilty but I had to go to the gravesite and say I was sorry. I know my brother would not want me feeling this pain for this many years, he knew it was just a child talking. I also know he loves me more than anything and one day I will be able to look him in the eyes and say I love you and I am sorry. I had to let it go and you do too. You also need to learn to trust and love again. Luckly enough Pez has helped me with that. He knows how hurt I was with the situation of my ex and my brother, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Huly Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Example of my Ex (I dated him on and off for 8 years) Our last break up was due to him taking his ex out in my car while I was in the hospital getting a partial hysterectomy because I had a 28lb mass in stomach and no one knew what it was just that it kept growing quickly! I still love him as he was my first love but no way am I in love with him. It is diffrent but yu have to heal from past wounds and move on! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thiebear Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Im sitting in a 16 x 10 room in burgundy and gold with redskins border seperating the two.. That is love... i still love my first real girlfriend..... I love my children above all else, and let them color better than me. I love my ex-mother-in-law for standing by me. Same with ex's Grandmother that i take the kids to see still.. Love exists, its just sporadic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarhog Posted January 28, 2005 Share Posted January 28, 2005 Originally posted by Skin-N-NY OK, I'm sure I'm gonna get a bunch of crap about this one but here goes. I met my wife in Ok. when I came back to the states. We had only known each other for 6 weeks when we got married. I got all of the usual comments from buddies, "your nut's", "no way it's gonna last", " I give it 6 months". I was ok with that, I mean I had seen many people that had started out that way and ended in divorce 6 months later, but there was something about Stacy, I just knew. As far as love goes, YES, I will always love her. I can't imagine my wife without her, when she goes away on business, I can't sleep because her body is not in bed with me, I can't go 1 day without making her laugh, I love to hear her laugh. You hear people talking about soul mates, I believe in them and I'm sure I have found mine. I have said this line before and I'll say it again, I love my wife today more than I did yesterday but not as much as I will tomorrow. It has been 14 years now. I guess I told you all of this to let you know that there is true love out there. Just my :2cents: I hope you let her read that. The thing about love is, you think you've loved someone until you meet 'the person'. The person who doesn't JUST make your blood run hot, but that makes you smile, makes you laugh, that turns into your best friend. I'm not sure I even knew what real love was at your age Ghost. When you meet her, you'll believe it again. Married 15 years, and yes, I will always love her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twa Posted January 28, 2005 Share Posted January 28, 2005 Originally posted by Ghost of Nibbs McPimpin Thanks for the responses, everybody. It's interesting to see my online friends' 'histories' and how these stories led them through the course of their lives. I can relate to my namesake, Nick, in losing a parent. I also know what it's like for your last words to be spoken in anger to someone who you love who passes shortly after. I had a lot of guilt about that for years afterwards and the fact that I didn't know he was downstairs in the kitchen needing to be saved. We tried, though. My mom and I definitely tried. Maybe that's my problem. My relationship with my father was my most painful and most loving relationship. In a way, my first love lit a light in that void in my heart, and when that was gone I pretty much collapsed. I'm now the age my father was when my mother was pregnant with me. I feel like I don't have much time left to get to that point. I know that this is not rational, but I don't have a particularly great feeling about what will happen in the future. I'm not talking about wealth or career(though that's not exactly looking up) but about 'love' and children. A LASTING love. Oh well. I just wanted to say I was 24 before I found true love ,so I would not worry too much....you are still young Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PCS Posted January 28, 2005 Share Posted January 28, 2005 Funny. I have said those words. Rarely, but have said them. And I can say, honestly and from my heart I meant them. Love, no matter how one wants to define it, is a very powerful emotion, ( if not the most powerful one). One that encompasses alot of things. At it's best, it knows no limits, time is irrelevant, and it can consume you, (even at it's not so best, it is something that can be built on. Hence the saying about loving someone more everyday. ). Not a bad thing. When someone effects you to that point, they will be with you for a lifetime. Oh, the love may fade and merely be a trace after awhile, but it is still there. It's what's left after the pain and hearbreak long since gone. It's a pleasant memory that every now and then makes us smile when we least expect it. Though we don't feel it like we did origninally, we know it's there. When I was 19 years old, I met my first crush again after 6 years of not seeing each other. We talked on the phone rarely and maybe had the brief letter every now and then, but overall we had gone on and lived our lives. I remember it like it was just yesterday. We had grown up, ( obviously), and she was getting ready for her first year of college at MSU, ( I've always had a thing for southern women ), and I was just laid off from working full time in order to help support mom and my 2 brothers. Within a day we were catching up and telling old stories and speaking of loves lost in HS and such. As we got into the 2nd day, the world around us began to fade. There was really was only the 2 of us and that's really the only way we wanted it as the final 2 days of her and her families visit came around. We went to the Washington Monument and were treated to 2 floor freefalls by the Rangers all the way down the thing since it was midnight and closing time. That was my first experience with "The Look". Which in retrospect clearly meant, "They are scaring me to death, this was your idea, and therefore this is YOUR fault". Sigh. We went to a local playground, and besides chasing off a couple of young vandals, sat, talked and stared at the stars. She spent the last night at the 2 bedroom apartment we were living in and we cuddled and watched Star Trek the Motion Picture :geek: When it was time to go to sleep, I took her to mom's room, ( mom was with her parents and staying the night with them), tucked her in and kissed her on the cheek goodnight. The next day the parents arrived and it was time to say goodbye. Earlier that week, we had gone to see E.T. . When we shared our first kiss, we both trembled and then held onto each other. We parted, and she looked at me, VERY SAPPY MOMENT AHEAD, and pointed at her heart and said ouch, imitating E.T. I did the same. And then off back to Mississippi they went. Phone calls were exchanged and letters, ( more like short stories), were traded. So were those 3 words. First time I ever said them. Time went on and the distance and I think a little youth in there took their toll. We saw each other once more and talked about what might have been. I haven't heard from her in nearly 17 years but she is still there. As a pleasant memory. As are a couple of rare others. And they always will be. . There's no competion there for anyone else in the present or future, and it's not a matter of not letting go. That's just love and it's a good thing. Some answers in all that if you look. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blondie Posted January 28, 2005 Share Posted January 28, 2005 As I have said a few times on here...I have an ex boyfriend....that I loved with every fiber of my being. More than I ever loved my ex husband. No, I didn't leave one for the other. The ex husband and I were too young to marry......and very different. He was just so dang good looking. Married quickly. Then discovered our differences. He is now one of my really good friends. We talk to each other almost daily.....we are both educators. He has a wonderful lady in his life. I really like her. Sometimes I regret being so impulsive and immature cause he is really a great guy. I blame me for our breakup. The ex boyfriend has me by the heart. Why? I have NO idea. He has done me wrong so many times. And I am a smart woman who is a professional counselor. I have no idea why I allow this guy to have my heart like he did. After breaking up over one year ago, I am just now able to talk wtih him and not yearn to hear him say....."I love you." I can talk to him and we talk business. I can talk to him and can laugh. It has been hard. He has moved on with his life......and doesn't want me in it as I once was. I am now moving on. Will I always love him? No doubt. The experiences we shared have assisted in making me the woman I am today. Would I go back with him if he asked? I don't think so. I gave up so much that I can never get back. But, I would not trade our time together for anything. Will I ever love anyone like I loved him? Probably not. He took something from me. I am not sure how to describe it.......but something in me is different. Will I ever love again? I am sure I will. Maybe. You know the hardest part? Being with someone for soooooo long then having to start over.....with all the b.s. guys want to put you through. I am not very patient now. Maybe one day........someone will break down the wall. Maybe. Blondie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ntotoro Posted January 28, 2005 Share Posted January 28, 2005 Nick... You ever wanna' talk, shoot me a line, brother... Nick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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