Ghost of Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Does anyone actually take this line seriously? Dks thread kind of reawoke old and painful memories for me. From the classic, "I want our kids to have your eyes" that my ex from way back threw at me, to her looking over baby name books and screaming beyond human comprehension. :laugh: Without getting into everything that happened, it ended. OK, I don't think people need to try to force a 'friendship,' especially when it's painful for one or both parties. But, does the "always love" still apply? What about all those married then divorced people? And what if you no longer 'love' someone--is there still residual love there even after there's been a long time since the relationship, and indeed quite a long silence between the two? Does anyone take this word seriously? My girlfriend now hasn't used it and we've been together months and I'm RELIEVED. It took my last girlfriend a long, LOOOOONG time to say it, but then she was telling me how vulnerable she felt and of course, not too long after we broke up. So, can you still love someone that doesn't even care about you anymore? Should you, on some level, still care for them? Does honoring that one facet of your life, at one point conjoined with another's, does this include honoring a friendship if they are amicable? Or does any sentiment have to go both ways? At what point does honor become obsession or pitiable scarring of the heart? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dks1240 Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 i was thinking about starting a thread a couple weeks back along these lines regarding, what is love? is it really real? ive always thought of how to define love and the best i can come up with is that you love someone so deeply that you basically fall apart and shut down if you ever lose them (or some definition along those lines) if i follow my idea of true love then i dont know if i could ever truly be in love with someone... but dont ask me, im only 20 years old. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghost of Posted January 27, 2005 Author Share Posted January 27, 2005 My Uncle told me, somewhat surprisingly, that the devastation I felt after my 'first love" and I broke up was not going to be replicated. There is an 'innocence' involved, one that you bring to the whole process, and once you go through it, it's different from then on. I have to say, this is somewhat the truth. I've become more calm and rational about this stuff, even though I my last ex on more than few occasions made me get the 'shakes' from anxiety(she having issues and me being dumb enough to care for her despite that), which I'm glad is not a component of my current relationship. But essentially, other than the fear that another relationship is ending(or that nervousness you get from calling a girl for the first or second time) I don't get the same feelings. Then again, I think there's a bit of nostalgia as my first love was not at all a perfect relationship. But it was the last one in which I could ever be described as the "jerk." I learned my lesson pretty quickly. Though objectively, I can say my behavior might not have been that critical--who knows? I just think it's sad that people will proclaim their great love for another person then delete them from their lives(I don't mean breaking up, that's a separate issue) I mean, would you do that to your brother, or is blood thicker than love? And how can you trust the person you claim to love to return the favor? Or is the lack of certainty the essence of love and the vitality of a relationship? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
halter91 Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 I will always love my 1st real girlfreind, even though she dumped me for a doctor. She will always have a place in my big ole heart. My biggest problem is, I always hold other girls I date to her standards, which really isn't fair. I will always love my best friends, guys I would take a bullet for, I will always love my family, so I guess it depends how you use it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NASMTrainer Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 OK, I'm sure I'm gonna get a bunch of crap about this one but here goes. I met my wife in Ok. when I came back to the states. We had only known each other for 6 weeks when we got married. I got all of the usual comments from buddies, "your nut's", "no way it's gonna last", " I give it 6 months". I was ok with that, I mean I had seen many people that had started out that way and ended in divorce 6 months later, but there was something about Stacy, I just knew. As far as love goes, YES, I will always love her. I can't imagine my wife without her, when she goes away on business, I can't sleep because her body is not in bed with me, I can't go 1 day without making her laugh, I love to hear her laugh. You hear people talking about soul mates, I believe in them and I'm sure I have found mine. I have said this line before and I'll say it again, I love my wife today more than I did yesterday but not as much as I will tomorrow. It has been 14 years now. I guess I told you all of this to let you know that there is true love out there. Just my :2cents: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghost of Posted January 27, 2005 Author Share Posted January 27, 2005 To clarify a point of mine above, when I say "honoring the love" I guess... I look at love as much as sacrament as 'fleeting emotion.' So, hold off on saying it unless you mean it and have had time to reflect on it in the quiet moments. And when you say it, it means that even years later, if someone you loved calls you, you try to listen and help them as best you can. Provided they aren't trying to rob a bank, in which case you try to convince them not to. And it means you'd care if something happened to that person even years later. It kind of bothers me that the only two girls I've said those words to wouldn't know if I had been killed in an accident and I probably wouldn't know about them. And that maybe, maybe, they wouldn't care. How would I know if they did? I can barely figure out how I'd feel if something happened to either of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redskinjoe Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Deep thoughts by Jack Handy. Speaking of Jack Handy... how about a thread on self love... the hand will never betray you. I'd better stop before I burst into flames! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevenaa Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 I think you take a piece of each love with you. You'd certainly care if something bad happened to someone you once loved. Even if the breakup was not amicable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Huly Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Trying to remember the famous quote..... It is better to love then lost then to have never loved.... Something like that! I believe it is true. Pez and I moved very quickly too and VERY young and we are going on 6 years! I love him and could not see myself with out him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twa Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 I will always love my wife,even if I want to strangle her sometimes. I am VERY slow to open my heart to another person,yet when I do my love and concern is without limits. I truly believe I would carry the same feelings even if she left me or even destroyed my life.:2cents: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghost of Posted January 27, 2005 Author Share Posted January 27, 2005 I think I'm going to take a bit of a nap but another thing that brought this subject to me was a dream I had last night. I know, well, I'm hazy on the details, but I know that involved me trying to be acknowledged by my last ex. I just wanted to talk, you know curiosity and all, but she just found new ways to ignore or recognize but then demean me. Odd. I guess it's not good when you are not on speaking terms with the two girls you've loved and yet it's not attributable to something you've done(during or after relationship.) And any attempt to contact, when viewed from my circumstance would just be an attempt to contact. From their perspective(or many people who have no clue) it's some sign of the person not being over or being obsessed. I don't know, it seems you can't win, so you just give up eventually. Still bothersome to think you could be deleted that way. Will this last girl even mention me to her future boyfriends? Who knows, I really wonder. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Huly Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 If it is true love then yes they will never forget you ghost. No matter how hard you try you will never forget. I will never forget my ex of 8 years. Pez hates him as he knows he had my heart first. He broke it or shall I say crushed it many times but i kept going back. Why i was stupid and young. We were great at being friends but every time we crossed the friendship line I ended up hurt. I thought I could never love again but with Pez I never knew I could love this much and feel the love returned. It is just finding the right one. You have to take chances to find it but once you do you will never look back. My ex is still in my head as I wonder if he is ok or happy but that is it. Same goes for family. I love my family more than anyone could ever know. When I lost my brother it devestated me and destroyed me for years. I am going to be honest here and let you all in a little bit of my past that haunts me night and day. I was a 12 year old spoiled rotten brat when my brother was killed (he was 21) well my last word to my brother were "I hate you" I was mad at him cause he was trying to tell me to pull my grades back up from B's to A's. The next time he called I still would not talk to him as I was still angry he was siding with my mom. I tried telling him in our first conversation that being smart was just not popular any more and I wanted to be popular like he was. Then he died in a car wreck and I had to live with that for 17 years now. You have to take chances some are right and some are wrong but you will never know till you try! Do not ever sell yourself short! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ntotoro Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 I'll share a little, while we're at it... My heart was broken for the first time when I was 23. I was in-love like you have no idea. Hit me in the face like a ton of bricks. I didn't want to eat, shave, work... whatever. My Dad, who is my best friend, shared with me a little story about my Mother, who passed away when I was almost eight. It put things into perspective for me. She had breast cancer, which passed to her bones, and was sick for almost two years. She knew she was dying. So did he. Everyone did, but no one told my Sister and me. You don't tell kids stuff like that, you know? My Dad has a neighbor who is going through this right now, God bless 'em. He told me that, even though they knew she was dying, it was still painful the day it happened. Doctors have a strange way of knowing when the day is. I don't know if they can tell by vital signs or what, but they told all the family who wanted to come pay last respects to do so because it wouldn't be long. My Dad told me that he thought he'd vomit up every bite of food he ate for the next several months afterward. He had to run his barber shop and raise two kids, put them through private school, take care of taking us and picking us up. He was distraught, to say the least. You learn who your real friends are in that time, though, versus the people who just say they'll be there for you. You hold on to the good things and they get you through. My Grandmom and my Dad's Sisters thought he'd move us back up to Jersey, but he didn't bite because we had lives here in DC. Thank God for that, else I'd be rooting for the Eagles, even though my Mom was a diehard 'Skins fan... My most recent ex and I split in '03 after three years. I was heartbroken again. I lost my savings (tens of thousands) because I got laid off, took time to find a job and she was starting her own business, which floundered. I had to pay most of the bills, but she promised it would be worth it. Then she wound up literally erasing me from her life for someone she met at her new job. Meanwhile, I'm out my savings and have no home because she kicked me out. Nevermind the fact that I paid her mortgage for an entire year while I was laid off and she was fumbling her business. I still damn the Commonwealth for not having palimony laws... :mad: What got me through it all was my Family and my faith. My Dad, my Stepmother, my Stepbrothers, my Sister and her beautiful kids, who are also my Godchildren. You look at what you do have and they get you through it all. Dks... you're young and you'll rebound from this, as weird as it might sound right now. You have more tolerance than I do, just because you're so young, and you'll come back strong. Just make sure it's the right time. You'll have something better. There's nothing like a first love, but that's not always such a bad thing because your first love isn't always your last or your greatest. Even though my Father is remarried and loves my Stepmother dearly, he still thinks about her everyday and wears the crucifix she bought him. He's a great man. Nick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blondie Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 I think I may cry. Love to you ntotoro. Blondie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ntotoro Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Thanks, Blondie. Just sharing the lessons I've learned is all. It's our responsibility to pass that on... Not to pile on, but my ex has just used the money built in her house to have a new home built in Ashburn and is marrying the guy for whom she left me. The money I saved was going toward a home, so I had to start all over. Guess you don't really learn until something like that happens... :doh: Nick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Henry Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 I've never thought about it all that hard, but I can say I've never stopped loving anyone I've once loved, even those I don't talk to anymore or haven't seen in years. I'm ok with that. While I don't let anyone walk all over me and I don't speak to some of those people for a reason, I'd rather keep a soft spot in my heart for them than waste time being bitter and angry. I've got better things to do with my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KingGibbs Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Damn Nick. You choked me up bud. That is a heart wrenching story and people like you are an inspiration to others. I don't no what to say other than I'm sorry that happened to you and your family. Wow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ntotoro Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Thanks, KG. We all have storys. I just think it's our responsibility to share them as well as our other gifts. We've all had things given to us, experiences shared, advice given, etcetera. That's what makes this whole life thing so worthwhile... A lot of good things come from the bad in our life. We just have to recognize them. Nick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thito_da_skins_fan Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Plain and simple, everybody is different. I was in love once. I had a girlfriend for 5 years. We "lost it" to each other when I was 16, she was 15. I remember the first time I started feeling the way I did and I was honestly scared for the first time in my young life. I really couldn't handle "it". I won't get into details of my relationship, but it had it's ups and downs. Nothing too extreme, but we ended up breaking up, a couple of years ago, on mutual terms. She currently has a new boyfriend. I am single. However, we still talk to this day. And we have a great friendship. I can honestly say I can never see myself with her again. The thing is, I feel people can fall out of love just the same way people fall in love. I will always hold a place in my heart for that girl, but I do not love her anymore. As I said, everyone is different. Maybe I was lucky. Bottom line, we may have been young, but I learned A LOT from that relationship. Enough to help me grow as a person and see a different part of my life. I have no regrets and I'm sure she doesn't either. Sometimes things happen for a reason. My advice: Let 'em happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
codeorama Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Originally posted by Skin-N-NY OK, I'm sure I'm gonna get a bunch of crap about this one but here goes. I met my wife in Ok. when I came back to the states. We had only known each other for 6 weeks when we got married. I got all of the usual comments from buddies, "your nut's", "no way it's gonna last", " I give it 6 months". I was ok with that, I mean I had seen many people that had started out that way and ended in divorce 6 months later, but there was something about Stacy, I just knew. As far as love goes, YES, I will always love her. I can't imagine my wife without her, when she goes away on business, I can't sleep because her body is not in bed with me, I can't go 1 day without making her laugh, I love to hear her laugh. You hear people talking about soul mates, I believe in them and I'm sure I have found mine. I have said this line before and I'll say it again, I love my wife today more than I did yesterday but not as much as I will tomorrow. It has been 14 years now. I guess I told you all of this to let you know that there is true love out there. Just my :2cents: I agree with you, IMO, there is something special. My wife and I got married after 6 months, not quite as quickly as you, but that's still pretty fast. We're about to celebrate our 7th anniversary in March. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fatty P For The Pulitzer Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Yeah, the first time I was in love, I was seeing this girl from Loyola College in Bmore (her name rhymes with hairy man!). We had some good times, and I learned a lot from her. A lot. But when I found out she liked to hook up with girls when she was drunk, I had to let her go. I agree with whoever said that it's love when it hurts to lose them. It hurt, but those kind of things always make you stronger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SILKYSMOOTH Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Originally posted by Fatty P For The Pulitzer Yeah, the first time I was in love, I was seeing this girl from Loyola College in Bmore (her name rhymes with hairy man!). We had some good times, and I learned a lot from her. A lot. But when I found out she liked to hook up with girls when she was drunk, I had to let her go. I agree with whoever said that it's love when it hurts to lose them. It hurt, but those kind of things always make you stronger. This girl sounds familiar? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fatty P For The Pulitzer Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Originally posted by SILKYSMOOTH This girl sounds familiar? Uhh, yeah. I forgot you weren't supposed to know about this... :doh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Henry Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Originally posted by codeorama I agree with you, IMO, there is something special. My wife and I got married after 6 months, not quite as quickly as you, but that's still pretty fast. We're about to celebrate our 7th anniversary in March. My parents got engaged after ten days. They'll be married 40 years in November. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nickfox45 Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 wow, you guys really do have some amazing stories. much respect to all of you for sharing.:notworthy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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