Guys, do you end up paying for most things when in a relationship?

[Die Hard]

1 hour ago, Destino said:

I’ve been married so long I don’t even know what that means anymore. There is no such thing as my money. There’s just our finances and with my wife being an accountant, she’s claimed this as her territory. 

I let her take over the finances entirely.

 

I found it necessary if I wanted a long-term relationship with her. Otherwise, we’d be fighting over money all the time.

 

Just like parenting, we just have different ideas about how to do things.

 

But neither is more important to me than our relationship. I’d rather be broke and penniless with her… than financially secure without her. And she’s the best mom… much better mom than wife… and my kids are incredibly lucky to have her as their mom.
 

So I’m happy to do things her way… until/unless it fails and she willingly cedes (or asks for help). She can take all the glory or blame.

 

That doesn’t mean I don’t have some criticisms, and we do talk about them when necessary.

 

So far, we’re cruising along. 😎 

 

 

[redskinss]

11 minutes ago, abdcskins said:

I can also sense that the stronger the relationship, the less of an issue money becomes. 

Very much so, what little tensions we have left that are money related are mostly humorous and that's what I've tried to relay is the humor of it.

 

Like you said every relationship is different, there's no right or wrong answer it's just something everyone works out together.

[Forehead]

For me it is a combination of the first few answers.  I've been married about 18 years now and it is all one big pot.  We both make good money.  I handle all the finances because she hates doing that sort of thing.  Mostly we just communicate if there are going to be large purchases, or I tell her when we need to live a bit more spartan due to some other expense, like the whole heat/AC HVAC system just recently 🤬

 

I haven't "dated" in years and have no idea what the landscape is now.  If I had to re-enter that stage, I'd probably lean towards paying because that's what I learned and grew up with, but if the woman in this scenario pushed back and wanted to pay, I wouldn't consider it an assault on my manhood or anything.

 

I do know if I ever got divorced and remarried, I'd likely be really rigid about separating finances since I'd have my kids interests to consider at that point.

[Captain Wiggles]

3 minutes ago, Forehead said:

I'd probably lean towards paying because that's what I learned and grew up with, but if the woman in this scenario pushed back and wanted to pay, I wouldn't consider it an assault on my manhood or anything.

 

As a mid forties single male this is pretty much my philosophy on the subject. Mainly cuz I hear my folks in my head saying "what are you doing making her pay for stuff dummy". 🤣

 

My folks have been married fifty years and have both joint and separate bank accounts. My dad has pretty much always been on top of making sure everything was paid tho. 

[skinsmarydu]

Thanks for listening to a female's point of view.   I've always been able to "carry my own", (y'all know I do the restaurant thing, which was mostly cash back in the day)...we never, ever had issues...he made plenty, I followed up.  It was just kinda understood.  

If you care about her, have the discussion (over a nice bottle of wine wouldn't hurt). 😉 

If you don't see her as a life partner, do what you're comfortable with. 

[Bang]

Dating, pretty much, but it was a different time, too. 
Married,, I don't touch the money. 
Put it this way. I am an artist, completely right brained in pretty much every single way imaginable. I see EVERYTHING. I look at EVERYTHING. I am the dog whose nose follows every squirrel. When i look at a person's face, my mind deconstructs it to how I would draw it, how it is shaped, why it looks like it does.

If i was born 15 years later, they would have made me the ADHD poster child and likely have medicated me into being a completely boring tax assessor or something. I am SO GLAD that stuff wasn't known when i was in school.

And my wife is the exact opposite. She is totally left brained, numbers and analytics and finance is her world. She is a financial adviser, after all.
She tries to explain an insurance policy to me and my eyes glaze over. I take her to an art museum, and she glances at things, wondering where she'd like to go for lunch.
Together we make a whole brain, and she has control of the finances. Wisest and most sound decision I've ever made. (and happiest.)

 

~Bang

Edited May 3 by Bang

[skinsmarydu]

1 minute ago, Bang said:

Dating, pretty much, but it was a different time, too. 
Married,, I don't touch the money. 
Put it this way. I am an artist, completely right brained in pretty much every single way imaginable. I see EVERYTHING. I look at EVERYTHING. I am the dog whose nose follows every squirrel. When i look at a person's face, my mind deconstructs it to how I would draw it, how it is shaped, why it looks like it does.

If i was born 15 years later, they would have made me the ADHD poster child and likely have medicated me into being a completely tax assessor or something. I am SO GLAD that stuff wasn't known when i was in school.

And my wife is the exact opposite. She is totally left brained, numbers and analytics and finance is her world. She is a financial adviser, after all.
She tries to explain an insurance policy to me and my eyes glaze over. I take her to an art museum, and she glances at things, wondering where she'd like to go for lunch.
Together we make a whole brain, and she has control of the finances. Wisest and most sound decision I've ever made. (and happiest.)

 

~Bang

OMG,  that's exactly how we were, but in reverse. 😂 

[skinsmarydu]

And he didn't even blink when I took an $8.50/hr job at a doggie daycare for a year.  It was really hard work, but I liked what I was doing, cleaning kennels, etc., and came home happy every single day, earning practically nothing.  

It wasn't any big deal. 

It's a "relationship" thing, and how far you think it'll go. 

 

[SkinsFTW]

My wife is 17 years younger than I am so when I was 38 and she was 21 I paid for everything we did together. She didn't want me to either but she was in college in the Philippines and had no money. She would get pissed off if I even offered her the 1 dollar to pay for her phone to remain turned on for a week. Then when I laughed because she refused 1 dollar she wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the day.

 

Now we are in the US, I'm 51 and she's 34 and she pays for everything she can. I'm retired, we could be on vacation every day but she wants to work. She makes 2 car payments and still pays for every time we go out to eat. She's paying for our vacation to Belgium in a few months too. She works weekends and takes 2 days off during the week so she can take me to all of my medical appointments.

 

I just handle the house and regular bills.