LightenupSandyBaby Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 Afterrrr....(Burp) much extensive and thorough research on the New and Better Redskin Head Coach. We...meaning Vincent and I have decided on "Bill Cowher...I I I I I mean Jim Fassel. I'm sorry it seemed like a long process, in fact i did call Donald trump for some advice after Joe Gibbs told me to **** OFF!! The problem with the delay was that Vinny really liked Steve Marruchi's ability to Win in Madden 08, while I loved Cowher....I mean Fassel's abilty to beat me in Ping Pong. Well without further due I would like to introduce the next Redskin Head Coach Jim Fassel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bulldog Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 "Jim Fassel was the coach we wanted all along, we just had to go through our process and due diligence and that took a bit longer than we at first expected. I am sure that Jim will be the man to lead this organization well into the future." How does that sound? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LightenupSandyBaby Posted February 7, 2008 Author Share Posted February 7, 2008 "Jim Fassel was the coach we wanted all along, we just had to go through our process and due diligence and that took a bit longer than we at first expected. I am sure that Jim will be the man to lead this organization well into the future." How does that sound? To politically correct!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DGreenistheBest Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 Ladies and Gentlemen, media, I am here to introduce the new head coach of the Washington Redskins, Mr. Jimmy Fassel. Now, I have not turned a blind eye to the concerns of fans. You make valid points when you say that Fassel has been less successful in the past than some other prospects. You also make valid points when discussing the nature of our hiring process, that is, obtaining coordinators before the head coach. And yes, Vinny Cerrato is a mook. But, I assure you that I have had access to much more detailed research and reports than you could ever dream of. I have also used my vast fortune to purchase vats of HGH for the players and a third arm which I have surgically attached to Jimmy's forehead and which I control with this small device in my hand. I will use the third arm to make Jimmy call the plays I want to call. In effect, I will be co-Head Coach. This should put your minds at ease. Without further ado, Jimmy pentalimb Fassel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LightenupSandyBaby Posted February 7, 2008 Author Share Posted February 7, 2008 Ladies and Gentlemen, media, I am here to introduce the new head coach of the Washington Redskins, Mr. Jimmy Fassel. Now, I have not turned a blind eye to the concerns of fans. You make valid points when you say that Fassel has been less successful in the past than some other prospects. You also make valid points when discussing the nature of our hiring process, that is, obtaining coordinators before the head coach. And yes, Vinny Cerrato is a mook. But, I assure you that I have had access to much more detailed research and reports than you could ever dream of. I have also used my vast fortune to purchase vats of HGH for the players and a third arm which I have surgically attached to Jimmy's forehead and which I control with this small device in my hand. I will use the third arm to make Jimmy call the plays I want to call. In effect, I will be co-Head Coach. This should put your minds at ease. Without further ado, Jimmy pentalimb Fassel. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: We All knew all along that Snyder really wants to coach the team himself :doh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChiefPowhatan17 Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 Now introducing the New Head Coach and President of Football operations of the Washington Redskins, RUSS GRIMM! The crowd goes wild. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LightenupSandyBaby Posted February 7, 2008 Author Share Posted February 7, 2008 Now introducing the New Head Coach and President of Football operations of the Washington Redskins, RUSS GRIMM!The crowd goes wild. At This point.....I could only wish!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S.TaylorMade Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 "I now present to you our new coach, Mr. John Fassell... i mean Jim Fassell." *snyder's assistant whispers something in dan's ear* "Nevermind. We just fired him. Our new head coach is Tom Cruise." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Walking Deadman Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 Buy your new We Love our Coach (Jim Fassel) tees at Redskins.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gowen Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 i like to introduce the new coach of you washington redskins Steve Spagnuolo. oh sorry wrong speech. let me get my fall back speech i got it here somewhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bulldog Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 Does anyone else find it ironic that whereas before Redskins One would bring in candidates to sign contracts and get deals done, it is now taking guys home who turn down jobs with the organization? and for all those who parse the words and note that Mora and Spagnuolo bowed out of the process rather than turning down an offer.................have fun with your parse because the effect is the same............no head coach :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brandon-Lloyd-Bank$ Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 I am here to introduce the new head coach of the Washington Redskins, but I thought I would start off with a Joke. You guys want to hear a Joke??? Ok here it goes…The Washington Redskins… Well Anyways, you all meet Jim and ask him how it feels to be the only option left. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celts32 Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 "Ladies and gentlemen here is the legendary Joe Gibbs...he has an announcement for you" I wouldn't put it past him... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ECU-ALUM Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 "I realize that this gentleman is not who we all wanted but after a long lengthy process we found that he was the best man for the job...and he was the only one willing to return my phone call...ladies and gentlemen I introduce to you our new stop-gap...I mean head coach Jim Fassel." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
d0ublestr0ker0ll Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 Please welcome Vinnie Cerrato as the new Head Coach of the Washington Redskins. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fan035 Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 Mr. Snyder: "I would like to introduce to all Washington Redskin fans - our new coach - Mr. Jim Fossil. The spelling of his last name changed because he waited so long to hear from us that he turned into a remnant that has been preserved in the earth's crust and one whose views have become outmoded. None-the-less, with constant input from me, he will lead our team to glory. Welcome Mr. Fossil!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abu69 Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 "Today I am pleased to announce that the Washington Redskins will welcome its newest member and newest Head Coach Jim Fassell. Aftrer months of bidding against ourselves we have rewarded Jim with a record $12 million/year contract. To help pay for this, FedEx beer will now cost $42/bottle, and there will be a 16 cent charge per square of toilet paper in the restrooms - exact change only. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to the baby farm to drink some fresh blood." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hiro Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 Hi! My name is Dan Snyder! I love the Washington Redskins because Joe Gibbs was my favorite! He won the Super Bowl! HOORAYYY!!! But Joe Gibbs is gone now because he decided he doesn't want to put up with me anymore, so I chased away a legend. Uhhh ... HOORAYYY!!! So so anyway ... I've tried to be as deliberate as possible, and tried to hire the best head coaching candidate. Unfortunately, not all of them were willing to go through my super-duper-secret-interview obstacle course which involves jumping through the ring of fire, swimming across the potomac river, and finding ten thousand ways to praise me! Vinny managed to find nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety nine ... *Pauses for laughter* And so, I present to you a leader of men. A man who could jump through the ring of fire and managing only to burn off all his hair and singe his legs. A man who made it a third of the way of the potomac before I had to send Vinny in to save him. A man who managed to find one hundred thousand ways of praising me, which in the end is what matters most! Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. Norv Turner! .... Oh pardon me. I get this mistaken all the time. Ladies and Gentlemen, your Washington Redskins head coach, Jim Fassel! *Vinny claps in the background* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LightenupSandyBaby Posted February 7, 2008 Author Share Posted February 7, 2008 I am here to introduce the new head coach of the Washington Redskins, but I thought I would start off with a Joke. You guys want to hear a Joke??? Ok here it goes…The Washington Redskins…Well Anyways, you all meet Jim and ask him how it feels to be the only option left. YES we are a Joke!!! Did you here that calleron the John Thompson show today? He said that Snyder only hires his friends. He should go to eharmony.com and find his next coach!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjfootballer Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 At This point.....I could only wish!!! Now introducing the New Head Coach and President of Football operations of the Washington Redskins, RUSS GRIMM!The crowd goes wild. Didn't we just get done with 3 yards and a cloud of dust football? Bring in Grimm and it's the 3rd coming of Gibbs. I loved the 1st Gibbs, tolerated the 2nd, but in no way want the 3rd. I hate living in the past. Then Joe Theismann can be our offensive coordinator, Art Monk our WR coach, Darrell our DB coach, Dexter our DL coach, Jacoby our OL coach, Riggins our RB coach and Mosley our ST coach. Let's bring back the good ole days!!! :doh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
COWBOY-KILLA- Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 "After further review, I just well may be Satan and Sally Jenkins may have been correct." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
terpfan Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 "I would like to open by saying... Muahahahahahahahaha!" "Thank you." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skinfan31 Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 Ladies and gentlemen, finding the only other yes man we could find not named Vinny. I introduce to you to the new head coach of the Washington Redskins, Jim Fassel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forever21 Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 And the board continues to sink to new sad and pathetic lows. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mass_SkinsFan Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 Ladies and Gentlemen I'd like to introduce the new Head Coach of the Washington Redskins. As you all know we conducted an extensive and comprehensive search after Coach Gibbs decided to step down early last month. After great contemplation we came to an agreement that Jim Fassel was the only candidate simple-minded enough to accept the position with all the restrictions we've placed on it in regards to decisions he won't be allowed to make on his own and willing to accept the blame for all the failures we're going to see as a franchise in the next two to three years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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