pgitta Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 How did it come to this? Football used to be such a great sport, but now it's filled with whiny, complaining players, coaches, owners, and fans. Luckily, I've come up with the cure to get it back where it belongs: INJURIES: Should no longer be used as an excuse. Player's ailments have become entirely too trivial. I mean, do you think Flavious was ever listed as "Questionable" in the Tuesday games in the Coliseum? You think he ever told Caesar he couldn't make it because he had a stinger?! Hell no! Let's get back to basics. Dick Butkus would duct tape his liver in place so he could play. Quit being such wusses. SWITCHING TEAMS: This should be nipped in the bud right now. You decided to play football, not me. If a team drafts you, that's where you'll stay for the rest of your damned football life, understand? The only way you get out is if you're fired or dead. Too much shuffling of players messes with my viewing pleasure. If you want out, you'd better have a note from your coroner. COMMERCIALS: I'm sick to death of this visual spam. Just when did the sponsors start determining the length of a football game? Take your Crest brushing, DIAL lathering, SUV driving, Preparation H greasing, eye junk and put it where you put your preparation H. The only ads I want to see are Budweiser Clydesdales and Peter F*ing Folgers mom coming down the stairs. TEAMS: To frickin' many of them! Pretty soon they'll be out of names and have to start using the Greek alphabet like they did with the hurricanes. You want to see the "Bristol Betas" take the field? I didn't think so. All the expansion teams from the last 15 years should be immediately de-commissioned. Teams will no longer be permitted to move to another city. This should be added as an amendment to the constitution. Phoenix Cardinals my A*S. Like that bird could ever live in that oven. FANS: As the players, no fan should be permitted to leave the stadium before the last knee is taken. All exits should be caged and chained to prevent it. If you're worried about a fire, bring a damn extinguisher or don't come at all. IDIOTIC GRAPHICS: From this day forward, any broadcasters who insist on bombarding the home viewing public with inane computer graphics should be fined 15 million dollars and banned from covering football for ten years. I don't EVER want to see a sparkler arcing across the field where a football's supposed to be again! And while you're at it, spare me with the idiotic stats too. Do you really think I give a s**t about the fact that playoff teams are 4-13 when trailing in the 3rd quarter on rainy f'ing Thursdays? SCORING: A new blowout rule should be implemented. Any team sucking enough to be scoreless and trail by 35 or more points should forfeit on the spot. Stop wasting our time. Also, this will be a huge incentive to offenses to score, score, score. CHALLENGES: There should be unlimited challenges. However, to keep the frivolous ones to a minimum, any team that loses a challenge will have 3 points deducted from their score. You're so sure his knee was down? Well, you better be. If a team has only three points, then it would be "half the distance" at 1 1/2 points, which should also finally even the playing field so to speak with the moronic 1/2 point unfairness coming out of Vegas. *********************************** But that's just me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mordy Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 I like your style Old Timer... This is pretty comical.. But I don't agree with everything... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghost of Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 THat's hilarious but I don't agree with the switching teams part. For one, it hurts teams ability to improve by acquiring a solid piece to the puzzle and it also would be a form of servitude to which I'm philosophically opposed. I admit, the movement in baseball sickens me to the point I don't care, but with certain rules (cap, other contract language in the bargaining agreement) I don't mind the player movement in the NFL. I'd also add that we were the masters of Plan B FA which came about before real FA. Players who earn billions of dollars should have the right to a share of those revenues and a system that doesn't allow movement at all would put all the leverage squarely in the owner's hands. Loved the bit about the gladiators. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DCNightHawk Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 Thats pretty funny man. I agree with some of your stuff like their being too many teams, the commercials, and the annoying stats. Good post. Very funny! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChiefPowhatan17 Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 Some good stuff, but unlimited challenges, I don't know. 35 point forfeit is not good. But, making people stay with teams for their career, I like it in a way. I think that draft pick rookies should be at that team for at least 5 years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoony Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 There should be unlimited challenges. However, to keep the frivolous ones to a minimum, any team that loses a challenge will have 3 points deducted from their score. You're so sure his knee was down? Well, you better be. If a team has only three points, then it would be "half the distance" at 1 1/2 points, which should also finally even the playing field so to speak with the moronic 1/2 point unfairness coming out of Vegas.[/color] I really like this one... in all seriousness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stew Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 Flavious...........is he a FA???? I love this post! "Prep H greasing" :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dpike619 Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 Do you really think I give a s**t about the fact that playoff teams are 4-13 when trailing in the 3rd quarter on rainy f'ing Thursdays? Haha, that bugs the hell out of me too. Some of the stats they show are so irrelevant. Especially when they talk about a teams history dating back to when none of the current players or coaches were on that team and act as if it has some sort of bearing on the current game. It doesn't matter and no one cares. Find something better to talk about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeyf316 Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 Outstanding! The only change I suggest is an opportunity to become a free agent between your fifth and sixth seasons, and every five consecutive years thereafter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pgitta Posted January 19, 2006 Author Share Posted January 19, 2006 Outstanding! The only change I suggest is an opportunity to become a free agent between your fifth and sixth seasons, and every five consecutive years thereafter. Sounds good to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PleaseBlitz Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 Hilarious. Maybe if the NFL ran more ads for Prozac......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G-Prime Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 hahaha good stuff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HapHaszard Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 And nicknames should be allowed only for accomplishments, re: Hacksaw Renolds, Mean Joe etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martini Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 I can appreciate almost all of this post. I would however be inclined to see more "GoDaddy.com" commercials. Being caged into a stadium is a bit scary as well. It would be nice if Football fans here acted more like Football fans in Europe. I would enjoy a good stampede once in a while. :laugh: :rant: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkinzRool Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 I definitely agree with the amount of commercials shown. Between injuries, change of possession, after a score, then after the ensuing kickoffs there are just way too many commercial timeouts. When watching games on TV there is no flow to the games because of all the commercial breaks. One other thing I would like to add to your rant is Fox's horrible broadcasts. I can't stand the fact that they feel they have to always zoom right into someones face mask so we can count how many zits they have. They even do this as a play is going on so you can't see what the Hell is going on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pgitta Posted January 20, 2006 Author Share Posted January 20, 2006 "I definitely agree with the amount of commercials shown" I remember a time when every once in awhile, once or twice a game, they stayed at the field during a timeout, and they just yakked and showed the players ambling about the sidelines. Those days are gone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tr1 Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 There should be unlimited challenges. However, to keep the frivolous ones to a minimum, any team that loses a challenge will have 3 points deducted from their score. You're so sure his knee was down? Well, you better be. If a team has only three points, then it would be "half the distance" at 1 1/2 points, which should also finally even the playing field so to speak with the moronic 1/2 point unfairness coming out of Vegas. Redskins 21 Eagles -12 :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Om Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 In the spirit ... No more standing in line to take a piss. It not only causes physical and emotional distress, but is in clear violation of the very Laws of Nature. If a stadium doesn't have enough stalls/urinals to meet demand, require it to extend the troughs out the restroom door and onto the concourse if necessary ... just make sure I don't have to do the one-footed grimace dance ever again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyDave Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 :D Nice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rumrunner6900 Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 Cmon now...it's all about the almighty $ my friends...for the players, coaches, teams, ballboys, cheerleaders, and the people who stand around doing absolutely nothing on the sidelines! (I've always wondered what they are there for) From the start of the NFL, it has always been a business and all about the cash flow! I like where you are going with that though. NFL players may be some of the best athletes in the world, but they don't have the toughness like they used to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dockeryfan Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 TEAMS: To frickin' many of them! Pretty soon they'll be out of names and have to start using the Greek alphabet like they did with the hurricanes. You want to see the "Bristol Betas" take the field? I didn't think so. All the expansion teams from the last 15 years should be immediately de-commissioned. Teams will no longer be permitted to move to another city. This should be added as an amendment to the constitution. Phoenix Cardinals my A*S. Like that bird could ever live in that oven. Make it a 13 team league, with no playoffs, just one championship game, and you might see Philly get an NFL championship again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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