justme Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 This is pretty funny. I was forwarded this, from a friend that swears it to be real. Nevertheless, a good read, but a little long. ______________________ May 23, 2005 Dear Davey: I have had a difficult time, over the past few years, achieving closure of our relationship. It is time for me to seek this. I have gone through the appropriate stages of anger, remorse, sadness. It is now time for me to close this chapter of my life. I am trying to recapture my life and gain a sense of identity back. In my professional life I have done this, but my personal life struggles. For so long I/We were "Sarah and Davey", that it is hard to gain my own identity back. I am not worried about my career; I will soon succeed even my wildest dreams. I am just stunted by my personal life. I am ready to release you from my life. I also on a weekly basis encounter people who want to tell me about you or have a discussion about you. I do not want to deal with this anymore. I do have a proposal on how to handle this. I am ready to no longer be forced to deal with your presence. As to how to deal with it, I propose the following: 1. I've heard you have an apartment on the West side. You need to move out of the West side of Indianapolis, this has always been my side of town, I own a house here, and do not rent like you. I grew up here, and always want to live here. I would prefer if you were to leave Indianapolis all together, but I know this is more than I can ask. I do not want to risk running into you at any store. 2. We should officially divide our friends. Particularly Jim, Jillian, Amy, and Ed. You should write them, thanking them for the opportunity to be their friend and explain why you can no longer be in contact with them. I can provide you with addresses, if you need. 3. I will stay out of Republican politics. I promise not to get involved with any Republican politics, unless my father runs for judge, and than I reserve the right to work on his campaign. 4. I would like you to not have anything to do with all things Cathedral. I feel I should have ownership of the school since my mother works there and my brother and sisters went there. You are more tied to Wabash. This should be where you dedicate your alumni status. I will be involved in Cathedral. When the time of reunions comes up, I am willing to say that you can have the reunions ending in "0" years and I will take the"5" years. So you can have 10 years and I will take 25 years. 5. I will avoid Wabash contacts. The few guys from the house I still speak to on a rare basis, I will not. I will also discourage any male offspring I have from attending Wabash. I know some of these things seem a bit harsh, but I feel they are for the best. I do not ever really wish to see you again. I know that this will of course happen beyond my control, but I think we should do our best to avoid what we can. It is my sincere hope that you understand, and do take the time to respond. This is my last request of you. With fondness, Sarah ____________________ THE GUY’S RESPONSE BELOW ____________________ May 31, 2005 Dear Sarah, Thanks for your letter. We broke up 3 years ago. Knowing that and taking into consideration you believe me to be a cold, career focused, ego-maniac, what on earth makes you think I would take the time to think about you or agree to your proposal? But since I clearly have taken the time to respond, please take a moment to review some comments and counterproposals I have crafted. 1. First, I will have to resist the burning urge to move RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO YOU. After that deep desire subsides, I will vacate the Westside and return to my roots: The Snooty Northside, as you used to call it. However, since I was born on the Northside and I have Northside in my veins you must abdicate all ties to the North. This includes: Living on the Northside, living on the Northeastside, walking down North Street, being a fan of the Dallas Stars (formerly the Minnesota North Stars), weari ng North Face apparel or telling your children that Santa lives at the North Pole. 1 (. I was born in Indianapolis before you were so I should really get to determine who stays and who goes. In my benevolence I will let you exist here only within the St. Michael's Parish boundary (MLK Dr. to High School Rd. and 56th Street to 10th St.) We will call this the SarahZone. This should be acceptable for you as your family lives across the street and there is a gas station, grocery, convenience store, your place of employment and a fire station. Exceptions can be made with my expressed written consent. You will be required to display a large tag in your windshield giving you permission to travel beyond the SarahZone. 2. I haven't talked to your friends since we broke up. I think they got the message. However since we apparently are still in fourth grade, please have your friends meet me by the playground at recess so that I can tell them they have big fat heads and they aren't my friends anymore. Do you agree? _______Yes ________No________Maybe 2. (. One of the few times you let us do something fun, we visited some of my family friends on Geist. It was about eight years ago. We enjoyed their boat and home for several hours during a pre-500 party. Please jot them a note saying you are going to forget that ever happened. Please also offer to reimburse them for the boat gas, pool chlorine, air conditioning Freon, Dr. Pepper and anything else you consumed while you were there. I don't have their address anymore, you can look it up. 3. Please let me know when your father runs for anything. I'm going to run against him. 3 (. Thanks for staying out of Republican politics. Your heavyweight presence in the party will be sorely missed. I am very involved in ice hockey. I play recreationally and coach a youth team in the winter. I would prefer it if you could stop being involved in all things related to ice and ice hockey. You can use those instant first aid coldpaks to cool your drinks from now on. Also, my parents have been very involved with the Indianapolis 500 Festival for nearly 20 years. The month of May is really a big month for us. While I am not able to honor your request of moving out of Indianapolis, I would ask that you just leave town during May. With 250,000 fans going to the race and 35,000 runners in the Mini-Marathon, I don't want to run the risk of bumping into you. I know your birthday is in May, but man, I just don't care. 4. Christ, I don't have the energy for this one. 5. If any of my friends from Wabash actually still talk to you, they are f**king fired as friends. 5 (. I'm not going to tell my kids anything about you. But speaking of kids, it would be okay with me if my son was a crack addict, just as long as he got your kids hooked on it and became their dealer. In closing, I will never make decisions about my life or my family based on whether I might run into you at the store. I am now convinced that if we ever do bump into each other, you will spontaneously combust. I wish you the best of luck find a spouse. Seriously. It won't be easy to find a person who is willing to spend the rest of his life raising children and making decisions based on your crazy-a$$ proposal to an ex-boyfriend and your inability to act like a rational human being. All my best, Davey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkinsHokieFan Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Wow Where did you find this? If its real, this is great Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thiebear Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Been there.. done that.. its only funny when its someone else... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoCommiesGo Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Thats a good read I particulary like number 5. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Punani2 Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 hahah!! If that is real it's hilarious. Sarah needs to get some counseling... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoony Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 now I know why people cry at weddings Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mufumonk Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 1. First, I will have to resist the burning urge to move RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO YOU. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyingtiger1013 Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Damn that was funny! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChocolateCitySkin Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Originally posted by Thiebear Been there.. done that.. its only funny when its someone else... 3 years though?!? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
E-Dog Night Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 That freaked me out. I broke up with a girl at around this time last year, and her reaction was so similar. She called me between 40-50 times (no I am not making that up) in a 2-hour period. I got messages like "Oh and another things - you never actually made me come - I was faking it!" click "Oh and another thing, you are the biggest a-hole I've veer met in my life!" click "Oh yeah I forgot, you are such a jerk, how dare you tell me to talk to my theripist about this!" click. This went on...and on...and on... I relented. I finally answered and talked to her. Apparently, there were about 3 or 4 places that I was not allowed to go to anymore. I also was not allowed to talk to our mutual friend Heather. She would let me know if and when it was ok to go to these places an talk to heather again. The chick above took it to another level, but this just seemed so familiar. Wow. Women. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skinzfan4life Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 That is great, im hoping that that is real, and if it is wow that is great Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dead Money Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Ah the memories... You can change your number, change your friends... You'll still get a letter like this from ... a psycho. I have actually given Long Beach Island in NJ to my ex... She can have it, I already had all the fun there is to have in that place! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justme Posted June 16, 2005 Author Share Posted June 16, 2005 Originally posted by Thiebear Been there.. done that.. its only funny when its someone else... I know what you mean, but damn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skinzfan4life Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Damn the worst i ever has was a girl i broke up with trying to run over our mutual friend, that hooked us up in the first place.... although after SHE broke up with me, she did come to my house and ring my door bell for about an hour before i got home and then yelled for like 15 minutes and left, but nothing like this. hahah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justme Posted June 16, 2005 Author Share Posted June 16, 2005 Originally posted by SkinsHokieFan Wow Where did you find this? If its real, this is great It was an email forward so who knows. But the guy that sent it to me swears he knows "Davey" I think it's pretty random to be fake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NYFootballGIANTS Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 I like the idea of expressed written consent to leave the SarahZone. :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redman Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Originally posted by Thiebear Been there.. done that.. its only funny when its someone else... Ditto. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Punani2 Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 I'd like to know why some men and women do this after a relationship ends while others just let it go and move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
E-Dog Night Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Originally posted by Johnny Punani I'd like to know why some men and women do this after a relationship ends while others just let it go and move on. It's probably alot of things. What stage in life you were at when the breakup happened, how you felt about the other person, overall mental stability. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dks1240 Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 a few years ago i wouldn't have believed this letter to be true...that was before my ex of now 3 years is still getting over me. sometimes people just wont let things go :doh: i particularly like the "Sarahzone" part :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
illone Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 That's hilarious, even if it is fake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryman of the North Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 funny yet sad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Henry Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Being the dump-ee can make you absolutely nuts. Worst feeling there is. I got a chuckle out of the letter, but if I were the guy I don't think I'd have been quite so snotty. I'd probably just say "Nope. Moving past this is on you now" and let it go. But that's probably because, like Thiebear and redman, I know the feeling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
illone Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Originally posted by Henry Being the dump-ee can make you absolutely nuts. Worst feeling there is. I got a chuckle out of the letter, but if I were the guy I don't think I'd have been quite so snotty. I'd probably just say "Nope. Moving past this is on you now" and let it go. But that's probably because, like Thiebear and redman, I know the feeling. Man, but three years? That seems like a bit long to be holding onto the past. I've dealt with psychos before but they fizzled after about 5-6 months. I'd have to write back if I got a letter like that after three freaking years! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cdowwe Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 haha what a nut case Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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