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Bruce Allen is a evil wolf genius in sheep yes-man clothing (Parody of WP and ESPN columns)

Mocountyskins

By Mocountyskins
in The Stadium

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Mocountyskins

Mocountyskins

Posted
Posted

I know exactly what is going on. It took me awhile to connect the dots, and sometimes the dots were just not there, so I had to make some dots to connect with other dots so that the dots that make up my theory would make sense and guess what? My explanation makes perfect sense now.

 

Who was in charge of finding a new head coach? Who oversaw the restructured contracts that led to the 36 million cap hit. Who gave the go ahead to move up and trade for Rg3 and who allowed Dan to walk out of the stadium last night without firing Mike on the spot? Bruce Allen! Ladies and gentlemen I have identified the culprit. (Bang)

 

I remember a few years ago back on ESPN980 Bruce Allen was being interviewed and he talked about his childhood. He talked about how when he was a kid if the Redskins ever missed the playoffs or had a bad season while his dad was the coach, his dad would toss the Christmas tree out the front door, and there would be no Christmas that year in their household (This is actually true). This was a sick perverse way to bring up a child, without a Christmas and not showering him with gifts and games, and honor stickers.

 

Bruce Allen began to resent his father for this he hated that all the other kids on the block would be riding new bikes while he sat in his room playing with last years edition of the Cpt Kirk action figure. How could his father care more about the Redskins than Christmas, this was an outrage to Bruce! At 13 years old he vowed to one day ruin the Washington Redskins for ruining so many of his Christmas holidays. 

 

Well one day he had the opportunity to become the GM of the Washington Redskins so he eagerly took the job knowing that his dreams of revenge could now come true. So Bruce Allen went ahead and he helped hire Shanny knowing that the owner and Shanny would eventually bump heads, whispering into Shannys ear stroking his ego while walking Dan threw the garden telling him lies about how Shanny was not good enough for the Redskins and that he was destroying Rg3. Long before this even took place Bruce organized a Red off-season that would result in millions of cap space lost. It was a slaughter. While at the same time knowing that Mike always had his coaches back and refused to fire them he thought that bringing in Haz would be a great way to deteriorate the Redskins quickly. Knowing that Mike would never fire Jim, he knew that he could put a cancer in the organization and it would not be removed because Dan wanted try to see if a hands off approach would work and did not want o be seen as a meddler.

 

Bruce Allen is a god damn evil genius. Sometimes you just have to go ahead and put the square peg in the triangle slot. Like I always say "If the piece doesn't fit then you're not smashing them together hard enough."

 

 

My inspiration for this groundbreaking mockery journalism has been the WP, Examiner and ESPN.

 

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Dub70s

Dub70s

Posted
Posted

I know exactly what is going on. It took me awhile to connect the dots, and sometimes the dots were just not there, so I had to make some dots to connect with other dots so that the dots that make up my theory would make sense and guess what? My explanation makes perfect sense now.

 

Who was in charge of finding a new head coach? Who oversaw the restructured contracts that led to the 36 million cap hit. Who gave the go ahead to move up and trade for Rg3 and who allowed Dan to walk out of the stadium last night without firing Mike on the spot? Bruce Allen! Ladies and gentlemen I have identified the culprit. (Bang)

 

I remember a few years ago back on ESPN980 Bruce Allen was being interviewed and he talked about his childhood. He talked about how when he was a kid if the Redskins ever missed the playoffs or had a bad season while his dad was the coach, his dad would toss the Christmas tree out the front door, and there would be no Christmas that year in their household (This is actually true). This was a sick perverse way to bring up a child, without a Christmas and not showering him with gifts and games, and honor stickers.

 

Bruce Allen began to resent his father for this he hated that all the other kids on the block would be riding new bikes while he sat in his room playing with last years edition of the Cpt Kirk action figure. How could his father care more about the Redskins than Christmas, this was an outrage to Bruce! At 13 years old he vowed to one day ruin the Washington Redskins for ruining so many of his Christmas holidays. 

 

Well one day he had the opportunity to become the GM of the Washington Redskins so he eagerly took the job knowing that his dreams of revenge could now come true. So Bruce Allen went ahead and he helped hire Shanny knowing that the owner and Shanny would eventually bump heads, whispering into Shannys ear stroking his ego while walking Dan threw the garden telling him lies about how Shanny was not good enough for the Redskins and that he was destroying Rg3. Long before this even took place Bruce organized a Red off-season that would result in millions of cap space lost. It was a slaughter. While at the same time knowing that Mike always had his coaches back and refused to fire them he thought that bringing in Haz would be a great way to deteriorate the Redskins quickly. Knowing that Mike would never fire Jim, he knew that he could put a cancer in the organization and it would not be removed because Dan wanted try to see if a hands off approach would work and did not want o be seen as a meddler.

 

Bruce Allen is a god damn evil genius. Sometimes you just have to go ahead and put the square peg in the triangle slot. Like I always say "If the piece doesn't fit then you're not smashing them together hard enough."

 

 

My inspiration for this groundbreaking mockery journalism has been the WP, Examiner and ESPN.

seeing the world as it is versus most unhappy fans on this site as they would like it to be.....oh and ENTERTAINMENT and SPortsNews

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