Majormajor00 Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 For all you madden heads outs there, see what Ethan Albright has to say about the senile fellow: http://www.thephatphree.com/features.asp?StoryID=3159&SectionID=2&LayoutType=1%22 Article: To: John Madden CC: Electronic Arts Sports From: Ethan Albright Re: Being the worst rated player on Madden ‘07 Hi, John, my name is Ethan Albright. I play line for the Washington Redskins. You probably already knew that, so I’ll continue. I am writing in regards to the overall player rating of 53 that I have received in Madden NFL Football 2007. I feel that this is ****ing bull**** and you should kiss my mother-****ing ass. Ahmed Carroll was rated a 78 and the Packers just cut his ass on a Tuesday morning after his performance in a Monday night game. That is pretty terrible. The worst part is that his overall rating was sniffing 80. You know what, John? Two can play this game. I rate you a ****ing 12. I rate you a ****ing 12 in Ethan Albright Football 2000-ever… except for in the category of ball-licking. That is where I will spot you a 98 rating. You will receive this score because I will never give your blubbery ass a 99 in any category. Take that, pencil-dick. Go do Al Micheals or something. Boom. Score one for Red Beard. It’s also pretty wonderful that my awareness rating was 59. You make it sound like I wake up in the morning, helplessly **** and piss myself, then lose three of my teeth before I discover that I am trying to eat a rock for breakfast. ****, John, I understand you saying that I am slow and lacking athleticism, but a rating like this pretty much labels me as retarded. Rod “He Hate Me” Smart has a 52 in this category. Electronic Arts is saying that seven rating points separate me and the breathing embodiment of the perfect oxymoron. Rod Smart struggled to arrange words in sentence form. Cave men had better hold of the English language. The only actions that separate point values of ignorance at this embarrassing level are things like using your own toothbrush to wipe your ass. I basically edged out Rod by my lack of **** teeth. If I take a night school class, could you bump me up to a 60? I guess I just can’t fathom the fact that I am the absolute worst player rated out of the entire NFL. ****, man, there are some ****ty guys out there. Amongst everyone, I was rated the absolute worst. I have received the impression that you feel that I am lacking in the agility category. I should consider a walk through my living room where I don’t crash through a wall or kick over furniture a resounding success. My agility rating on your game is 33. It makes it sound like I just topple over if I start walking too fast. Ted Washington is rated a 40 in agility. He is listed at 365 pounds. If Ted Washington tied a white lady up and made her wear a metal bikini, he’d look just like Jabba the Hut. John, you are such a ****ing dick. I also noticed that my kick return rating was a 0. I was rated a ****ing zero? So you feel that I shouldn’t even receive a 10, or even a 5? You are pretty much saying that I couldn’t even fall forward on a ball kicked in my direction. I would just stand there and let the ball bounce off of my ****ing face. **** that, John, I returned an onside kick 6 yards in 2002. You should have just slapped a - 4 on me and had the EA staff ambush me with paintball guns. Finally, I would like to comment on an unlikely topic, my pass coverage ratings. I see that I am a better at man-to-man coverage (31) than zone (21). **** me sideways with a lunchbox. Where did these scores even come from? How much time is spent coming up with the pass coverage ratings of offensive lineman? Can I have that job? Let’s see here, I think that Orlando Pace would be slightly better at jumping intermediate routes than Larry Allen. While I’m at it, I can assign the passing ratings for offensive lineman as well. I can use mine as a guide. I was rated with a throwing power of 17 and accuracy of 16. Orlando Pace has a 22 power and 17 accuracy rating. Did someone at EA really put time into figuring out that Orlando Pace edges out Ethan Albright in both throwing power and accuracy? I will challenge him any day. My horrible passer ratings are of greatest misfortune to my son, Red Beard Jr. The poor boy is not only hideously ugly and covered by freakishly large freckles. He also has to suffer through playing catch with me and my senile-elderly-woman-type passer ratings. A session of tossing the pigskin usually consists of me missing my son by thirty yards in sporadic directions. I led him in front of a fire truck once and my wife kicked my ass. This is because of my 76 toughness rating. Yes, a 76 is far better than the other ratings, but I’m a ****ing lineman, damn it. NFL Linemen are considered to be synonymous with toughness. According to your game, I am a retarded, uncoordinated, *****-ass ****wad that can’t fall on a kickoff, throw, or spell. I am, however, slightly better at manning up on a receiver than dropping into zone coverage. You lose your mind more and more each year, old man. **** you, John. Please expect to find red pubes in various meals you consume for the rest of your life. If you **** with Ethan Albright, you call down the thunder. Rot in Hell, Ethan Albright Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkinsGlory Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 A classic. I remember reading somewhere that EA laughed his ass off when he was shown this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonOfWashington Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 This never gets old. :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
praise_gibbs Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 Ethan Albright Sports. He's actually in the game! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monarch34 Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 I think Skins fans so ripped the EA people on this a few years ago when he got dogged in Madden that the EA bunch has just dropped the Red Snapper from every year since then rather than up his ratings. From what I've read about Albright, he probably thinks that is just as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonOfWashington Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 I think Skins fans so ripped the EA people on this a few years ago when he got dogged in Madden that the EA bunch has just dropped the Red Snapper from every year since then rather than up his ratings. From what I've read about Albright, he probably thinks that is just as well.Come on, he's a Pro Bowler. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shhrz Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 wow....did he actually send that letter to Madden????? i know in 2008 he wasnt rated at all... but what about the new one? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fullnelson9999 Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 ive never laughed so hard hahahahahahahaha! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonOfWashington Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 Double post. :doh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonOfWashington Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 I hope they put him in 09. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CRobi21 Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 Double post. :doh: Here we go!!!!!! :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
USNationalist Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 He didn't actually write that- but it is still a classic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RenegadeTK Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 classic... and justified given the fact that he was in the pro bowl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Brownstone Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 :rotflmao: This letter is hilarious. But my favourite sentence in this whole letter still has to be : **** me sideways with a lunchbox. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IbleedBnG83 Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 Double post. :doh: NOt double...quamillion post...but still a goodie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve567 Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 that really was the most hilarious thing I have read in a while. lol, that was great:laugh: :laugh: :applause: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pvkeeper19 Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 A classic. I remember reading somewhere that EA laughed his ass off when he was shown this. Because of the context, it took me a minute to figure out that "EA" meant "Ethan Albright" and not "Electronic Arts." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steamroller#99 Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 Those red heads are a fiery bunch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DGreenistheBest Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 Never saw that before. Awesomely hilarious, thanks for posting! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkInZKId2121 Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 HAHA hilarious...gave me a good laugh to start the morning Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skindogger47 Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 wow....did he actually send that letter to Madden????? i know in 2008 he wasnt rated at all... but what about the new one? Yes. Yes, he did. And Shaun Suisham can kick a 50,000 yard field goal, Pac Man Jones is a "changed man", and the economy is rebounding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skindogger47 Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 I see that I am a better at man-to-man coverage (31) than zone (21). **** me sideways with a lunchbox. That is solid gold. Im using that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jweisk1 Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 This is probably my favorite post of all-time!! never gets old.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morneblade Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 I loved this caption under the pic at the bottom of the page. "When I'm not snapping balls, I snap necks." The Red "Snapper" is coming for you John, and he wont be bringing a football. Great piece! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Streater101 Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 Ha, tell us how you really feel Ethan. I remember this awhile back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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