mistymjohnson Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 As I was looking at all the stats and hoopla surrounding the upcoming Super Bowl... I ran across this, and got quite a chuckle out of it... I hope you all do too. 40 Things to Watch for at Super Bowl XL It will be a long two weeks before Super Bowl XL is played. The wait will seem interminable. The hype will seem intolerable... (More) 1. The national media will descend upon Detroit' date=' including correspondents from MTV, the Food Network, Comedy Central, Animal Planet and the Home Shopping Network who have no experience whatsoever covering sports, and the name “Roethlisberger” will be mispronounced and mangled until it sounds like “Bradshaw.” [/size']2. Troy Polamalu’s hair will cause confusion among security guards, and as a result he will be handed a bass guitar and ushered to the Rolling Stones’ dressing room. 3. Bill Cowher’s jaw will be issued its own sideline pass. 4. ABC will show shots of Jerome Bettis’ parents in the stands 437 times, breaking its own record of showing loved ones in the seats set on January 2, 2006 at the Fiesta Bowl when Laura Quinn, sister of Notre Dame’s Brady and girlfriend to Ohio State linebacker A.J. Hawk, was shown 435 times. Of course, Bettis’ parents will appear happier than Laura Quinn because Jerome won’t be hit nearly as many times as Brady was.5. Broncos QB Jake Plummer will show up at the Super Bowl, much like many present and former players, to do promotional work for a product he endorses, and several fans will press coins into his hand and urge him to get a hot meal. 6. City workers in Detroit will work overtime to sweep the streets of a mysterious material, which will later be determined by forensic investigators to be the shreds of the Broncos’ defense that had blown in from Denver. 7. Super Bowl XL will be John Madden’s swan song at ABC. To mark the occasion, he’ll eat a swan instead of a turducken. 8. The Rolling Stones will perform at halftime. They’ll do one of their old hits, “*****,” but they’ll change it to “Witch” to satisfy the FCC. 9. Diet Pepsi machine will be arrested for soliciting a prostitute. 10. Peyton Manning will travel around the city of Detroit cheering for ordinary people at their workplaces — though sadly it will have nothing to do with filming a commercial. 11. A bus will try to sneak into the Super Bowl dressed up as Jerome Bettis. 12. Security will be tighter than ever. For instance, to ensure that no fans run onto the field, Mike Shanahan’s buck teeth will be used as barricades. 13. NFL officials will schedule the customary Air Force flyover to coincide with the national anthem, forgetting that Ford Field is a domed stadium. 14. Many new and innovative commercials will debut, including another “Ted Ferguson, Bud Light Daredevil” spot in which our hero attempts to sit through an entire Capital One “What’s in your wallet?” commercial without convulsing. 15. Before the game, Stevie Wonder will perform, and then Aretha Franklin will sing the national anthem. In keeping with the hometown theme, the NFL will lay off 200 employees. 16. Archeologists will unearth the frozen remains of a sportswriter who strayed too far from his hotel the last time the Super Bowl was in Detroit. 17. Sociologists will report a spike in the number of men who hear the name “Lofa” during the Super Bowl and the number of wives who request a loofah. 18. The players from both teams will be offered tickets to a Pistons home game. Many players will agree to go, as long as they’re allowed to wear their equipment. 19. Members of the Carolina Panthers’ defense will offer their services to work security at various league-sponsored events in and around the Super Bowl. Their offer will be politely declined. 20. A confused Motown executive will hear about the number of hits delivered by Lofa Tatupu and Troy Polamalu and sign them to a record deal. 21. An ABC sideline reporter will deliver a pertinent fact about the game. The network’s production team will then call an emergency meeting to determine how something like that got on the air. 22. Prior to Super Bowl XL, debates will continue to rage among experts over which had a briefer appearance in a big game, the Carolina Panthers’ offense or Janet Jackson’s nipple. 23. Terrell Owens will insist that he’ll play in the Super Bowl, despite the best efforts of friends and advisors to explain to him that he isn’t involved this year. 24. Officials will use video replay to determine how many chins Mike Holmgren has. 25. Detroit will greet tourists upon their arrival at the airport and at hotels with the traditional “Fire Matt Millen!” banners. 26. At least one old lady will approach Matt Hasselbeck and say, “I used to love you on ‘Baywatch.’” 27. A contest called “Name a Seahawk Other Than Matt Hasselbeck, Shaun Alexander or Lofa Tatupu” will be held. Nobody will win. 28. Commissioner Paul Tagliabue will deliver his annual state-of-the-league speech to the media on the Friday before the game. It will consist of him waving two fistfuls of money while laughing maniacally and then skipping away. 29. Hines Ward will hold out from the Steelers’ team picture. 30. Out of respect and concern, the Seahawks will contact the Carolina Panthers and ask if Steve Smith has been located yet. 31. John Madden, who is jumping to NBC next year, will announce that he’s jumping to two other networks after that. 32. The mayors of Seattle and Pittsburgh will make a bet on the game involving rain and soot. 33. ABC will interview Panthers coach John Fox and Broncos coach Mike Shanahan in an effort to promote its series, “Lost.” 34. At some point during the week before the game, Bill Cowher’s chin will set off a metal detector. 35. Because there is a two-week break before the Super Bowl, marginal players will have biographies written about them. 36. Peyton Manning will make numerous appearances at the Super Bowl, but he will be accompanied by bodyguards to protect him from the guys he said didn’t protect him against the Steelers. 37. Mick Jagger will bump into Jerome Bettis and say, “Aren’t you a little old to be doing this?” 38. Panic will break out among millions of Americans who believe our airwaves suddenly have been taken over by invaders bent on world domination until it’s explained to them that it’s only saturation coverage of the Super Bowl by ESPN. 39. All the newspapers in the country will agree to collaborate and put out one big Super Bowl special edition rather an each doing an individual one because everybody’s writing the same stuff anyway. 40. The game itself will take almost as long to play out as the season did." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taylor 36 Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Some of those were pretty funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Destino Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 That list was pretty good. favs: 5. Broncos QB Jake Plummer will show up at the Super Bowl, much like many present and former players, to do promotional work for a product he endorses, and several fans will press coins into his hand and urge him to get a hot meal. 7. Super Bowl XL will be John Madden’s swan song at ABC. To mark the occasion, he’ll eat a swan instead of a turducken. 9. Diet Pepsi machine will be arrested for soliciting a prostitute. 26. At least one old lady will approach Matt Hasselbeck and say, “I used to love you on ‘Baywatch.’” 28. Commissioner Paul Tagliabue will deliver his annual state-of-the-league speech to the media on the Friday before the game. It will consist of him waving two fistfuls of money while laughing maniacally and then skipping away. Those were great lines. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoeRedskins Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 33 was the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Nostril Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 27. A contest called “Name a Seahawk Other Than Matt Hasselbeck, Shaun Alexander or Lofa Tatupu” will be held. Nobody will win. Walter Jones, Darrell Jackson, Bobby Engram, Marcus Trufaunt, and I could name more. Jones is like an 8 time pro bowler, who couldn't name him? And I'm certainly not the most knowledgeable person about NFL personel. Overall the list is pretty funny, but the fact that he doesn't think many people could name more than those 3 seahawk players is just innacurate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chopper Dave Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 The funniest was the one about the NFL laying off 200 workers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ancalagon the Black Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Would have been better if he'd taken the funnier ones and just made a top 15 or top 20. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevinklein Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Haha, the Jake Plummer one was good. Didn't have time to read over them all- I'll have to check back later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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