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"Who's the grand master of harlem..."


Spaceman Spiff

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(no, it's not sith lord ;) )

http://thephatphree.com/features.asp?SectionID=11&StoryID=1541&LayoutType=1

Every kid experienced Career Day in his or her youth.. the one day of the year when parents would come to discuss potential career choices with these impressionable youngsters, hopefully instilling in them the virtues and desires necessary to become successful members of the working class. There were doctors and lawyers, insurance salesmen, construction workers and used car salesmen.

All of the children in the class usually clamored to hear from the proud kids’ fathers who were firefighters or police offers, but not me. I sat in the back of the classroom, staring out the window and hoping, just hoping that my career role model would show up. Year after year, Career Day after Career Day, my hero, my role model never showed up.

What was my career of choice you ask? Easy…I wanted to be SHO’NUFF.

Yeah you heard me right, I said SHONUFF!!! And who is ShoNuff you ask? Man, I should kick your ass! For those of us who grew up in the 80’s, none should dare have to ask the question, Who is ShoNuff…? (that is like askin’, who is Debarge?!) They should only reply with the one acceptable answer. “He’s the meanest, the prettiest, the baddest mo-fo, low-down, around this town! That’s right! Who am I? SHONUFF..I can’t hear you!..SHONUFF!!! The Shogun of Harlem, ****es!

Why be a policeman? ShoNuff ****S bullets!!!

Now you may laugh at my aspirations, but what better dream to have that to aspire to become the guy who had a posse of tiger-striped pant wearing badasses that nobody wanted to **** with?! I’ll tell you what. If I was Shonuff, I would rule the movie theaters and if your daddy, Mr.Green, told me I had to pay for my pizza, I would stuff you into a trash can, bust out your storefront windows, rip up your jukebox and take my large pepperoni with cheese for free… *****!

Bruce Leroy about to get ****ed up!

The only problems that I encountered upon my ascent towards becoming ShoNuff were two slight drawbacks. The first and most obvious was that I am a white guy (which I figured was a minor setback… I was wrong). Although I continuously attempted to grow out my hair to imitate ShoNuff’s badass Jheri-fro, I was never quite successful. The 2nd problem I had concerned the fact that I happen to look silly in football pads, instead of a badass like my idol, Mr. Nuff. Other than that though, I was working hard, studyin’ my kung-fu and practicin’ on my tasty ShoNuff-like limericks. I knew that to reach that upper level, my mind, body, and soul must be one. It's a sacrifice, it takes hard work, its a way of life... I was ready. My future as ShoNuff was startin’ to look bright. Until I got to college.

By this time, I had managed to procure me some football pads that fit my body and gave me a ShoNuff-like appearance. I had also acquired a ShoNuff wig that closely mimicked the hair of my hero. In addition, my kung-fu techniques had been honed to a “T”, and my ShoNuff rhymes excelled like no other. I was on my way to fulfilling my life long desire. Everything was falling into place- that is, until I signed up for the college course, “Intro to Nuff-101”, It was going to be a difficult class, possibly the most brutal of my college career, but I prepared to hunker down and give it my all. Within weeks I was ace-ing the course, knockin’ out tests like they were Bruce Leroy, and crushing any and all competition in my race to become the Ultimate ShoNuff. And that is when disaster struck.

A 72 hour kung-fu marathon on SpikeTV caused me to become lax in my classroom attendance and my **** professor failed me for having more than three tardies. My ShoNuff dreams were crushed. I hung my head low and settled for a ****ty BA in Communications..

But to this very day I have yet to give up. I still daydream every day about going back to school and working diligently to succeed at my life-time dream of becoming the Shogun of Harlem. I only hope that one day it will come true. In the meantime, I will continue to kick ass, breakdance and tell all suckers to “Kiss my Converse!!!” And for all you naysayers out there, don’t start talkin’ **** about “That Glow.” Contrary to popular belief, I AM the Master…so put down your magic belt buckle and pay your respects to The Nuff.

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:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

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Yeah, I had to do a few reports on him. I'm a fan.

But Sho Nuff had "The Glow." You can't beat The Glow.

I wrote a 15 page paper on him for my African American Poetry class in college.... I've witnessed some wild sh**.

For example...here is my favorite poem by main man Hughes himself:

The Negro Speaks of Rivers

I've known rivers:

I've known rivers ancient as the world and older than the flow of human blood in human veins

My soul has grown deep like the rivers.

I bathed in the Euphrates when dawns were young.

I build my hut near the Congo and it lulled me to sleep.

I looked upon the Nile and raised the pyramids above it

I heard the singing of the Mississippi when Abe Lincoln went

down to New Orleans, and I've seen its muddy bosom turn all golden in the sunset

I've known rivers:

Ancient, dusky rivers.

My soul has grown deep like the rivers.

I mean, come on! That is very powerful stuff. All his words have more than 1 meaning, too. Can Sho Nuff do that? Mean two things at once? He seems a little juvenile compared to Langston. Langston is poetic, and he has more people backing him. Langston=true grandmaster of harlem.

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I wrote a 15 page paper on him for my African American Poetry class in college.... I've witnessed some wild sh**.

For example...here is my favorite poem by main man Hughes himself:

The Negro Speaks of Rivers

I've known rivers:

I've known rivers ancient as the world and older than the flow of human blood in human veins

My soul has grown deep like the rivers.

I bathed in the Euphrates when dawns were young.

I build my hut near the Congo and it lulled me to sleep.

I looked upon the Nile and raised the pyramids above it

I heard the singing of the Mississippi when Abe Lincoln went

down to New Orleans, and I've seen its muddy bosom turn all golden in the sunset

I've known rivers:

Ancient, dusky rivers.

My soul has grown deep like the rivers.

I mean, come on! That is very powerful stuff. All his words have more than 1 meaning, too. Can Sho Nuff do that? Mean two things at once? He seems a little juvenile compared to Langston. Langston is poetic, and he has more people backing him. Langston=true grandmaster of harlem.

Powerful stuff, I agree.

You have to see The Last Dragon though. You can't mess with The Glow. Could Langston Hughes catch a bullet with his teeth? I rest my case.

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Powerful stuff, I agree.

You have to see The Last Dragon though. You can't mess with The Glow. Could Langston Hughes catch a bullet with his teeth? I rest my case.

ohhhh trust me, I've seen The Last Dragon. It's my ex's FAVORITE movie. I actually bought it for him and I had to sit there watching it with him many a time. I know all about Bruce Leroy and the pizza place and Sho Nuff. I bet you Hughes could catch a bullet with his NUTSACS, that's how hardcore he is. I rest MY case.

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Am I the meanest?

Sho'nuff.

Am I the prettiest?

Sho'nuff.

Am I the baddest, mo-fo, low-down, around this town?

Sho'nuff.

Well, who am I?

Sho'nuff.

Who am I?

Sho'nuff.

I can't hear you.

Sho'nuff!

The Shogun of Harlem!

Kiss my Converse.

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The Negro Speaks of Rivers

I've known rivers:

I've known rivers ancient as the world and older than the flow of human blood in human veins

My soul has grown deep like the rivers.

I bathed in the Euphrates when dawns were young.

I build my hut near the Congo and it lulled me to sleep.

I looked upon the Nile and raised the pyramids above it

I heard the singing of the Mississippi when Abe Lincoln went

down to New Orleans, and I've seen its muddy bosom turn all golden in the sunset

I've known rivers:

Ancient, dusky rivers.

My soul has grown deep like the rivers.

Langston was gay. :silly: Seriously.

But in REAL seriousness, though, Langston was a great poet, but that poem is a little inaccurate and guilty of the 'afrocentric' revisionist history. Egyptians were not Negro. The Euphrates was home to various Semitic and Turkic and Afro-Asiatic groups. Not "negroes," at least not as 'founders' of civilizations between the Tigris and Euphrates.

You hear similar false beliefs uttered about Hannibal and Cleopatra(Hannibal was Carthaginians, and they had an elite that descended straight from the Phoenicians who founded the city and Cleopatra was descended from Ptolemy and was herself Macedonian/Greek and Persian.) It's really annoying.

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ohhhh trust me, I've seen The Last Dragon. It's my ex's FAVORITE movie. I actually bought it for him and I had to sit there watching it with him many a time. I know all about Bruce Leroy and the pizza place and Sho Nuff. I bet you Hughes could catch a bullet with his NUTSACS, that's how hardcore he is. I rest MY case.

NUTSACS, huh? How many does he have? Maybe he is the master of harlem....

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