Marriage seperation/child custody issues

[Bang]

1 hour ago, Kosher Ham said:

@Bang , that is because men have limited rights in relationship situations and child situations. 

Possibly.

I was a single dad. I know.

 

The law is your best protection from the law.

 

~Bang

[SkinsBoYee1]

The best advice I can give is to get a Lawyer if you are in a position to afford one. I know you said you work nights and such, but you need to think about your child and what involvement you truly want. If you want 50/50 custody, might have to think about a new situation for work, or try to make it where your child comes first. 

 

Obviously, if you can try to work things out with your kids mom, and work it out on your own...that is the best route. But that sounds like that might not be possible, and with all the instability involved here, you need to keep the best interests of your child at heart here. Your work should not be a determining factor. Do what you need to do....hate saying it, BUT MAN UP!

 

Offer one last extended hand with your EX to see if you can work it out....and that it actually works. Otherwise...GET YO SELF A LAWYER. You have rights. You are entitled to 50% of the time with your child. DONT VOLUNTARILY GIVE THOSE RIGHTS UP. Do not create a situation now, that the courts may deem has been in place, and should stay in place with regards to what is best for your child. 

 

Don't mean to be harsh....and yeah, you F'ed up the situation with another on the way....but know your rights. Do what's best for your kid. That is what matters.

[HtownRocks111]

Thanks to all who have responded.  I wouldve replied earlier but just been very busy.  A couple things i want to clear up is I felt my wife was going to follow me that day wherever i went so i didnt want to drive 30 minutes home to have her confront me then go back to work... she was on her lunch break and i didnt want to drive away from her like a kid and wanted to give us a chance to say something to each other so i pulled into her work since we were right beside it.

 

I wanted to update you all on how mediation went.  We had our session last Monday.  I was vert dissatisfied with how it went.  I felt rushed (we had 30 minutes) and my wifr came at me throwing me under the bus while I tried to take the high road and not make her out to be a bad mom... I thought this was a chance for us to talk, not my chance to defend myself from all these allegations my wife threw at me.  The mediater took her side and even suggested we keep our arrangement as is and best case scenario i have my son for a few more hours on saturdays but still shouldnt bring my son into my new household.  Im extremely depressed bc i felt i let my son down that i didnt say something right or fight hard enough or something.

 

So we go to court July 12.  Im getting a lawyer.  I hate getting a lawyer if she isnt going to get one I feel it isnt fair but I cant afford to lose my rights as a dad.

[sacase]

Dude, never play nice. Go for what is best for your son. Period. You are male so you are already behind. If you had the self injury issues she has and the violence issues she had the courts would strip away your rights. But because she is female she gets a free pass. Hope you realize that now. 

[Bang]

Sacase is right. She is the enemy now, and the sooner you recognize she will do nothing to help make it easier for you the better you will be.

it's a hard lesson to learn when the person who loved you no longer has any benevolence toward you at all.

You're in a fight, one of the more important ones of your life. Throw hard, and don't worry about if it hurts her. 

 

~Bang

[Dont Taze Me Bro]

4 hours ago, HtownRocks111 said:

Thanks to all who have responded.  I wouldve replied earlier but just been very busy.  A couple things i want to clear up is I felt my wife was going to follow me that day wherever i went so i didnt want to drive 30 minutes home to have her confront me then go back to work... she was on her lunch break and i didnt want to drive away from her like a kid and wanted to give us a chance to say something to each other so i pulled into her work since we were right beside it.

 

I wanted to update you all on how mediation went.  We had our session last Monday.  I was vert dissatisfied with how it went.  I felt rushed (we had 30 minutes) and my wifr came at me throwing me under the bus while I tried to take the high road and not make her out to be a bad mom... I thought this was a chance for us to talk, not my chance to defend myself from all these allegations my wife threw at me.  The mediater took her side and even suggested we keep our arrangement as is and best case scenario i have my son for a few more hours on saturdays but still shouldnt bring my son into my new household.  Im extremely depressed bc i felt i let my son down that i didnt say something right or fight hard enough or something.

 

So we go to court July 12.  Im getting a lawyer.  I hate getting a lawyer if she isnt going to get one I feel it isnt fair but I cant afford to lose my rights as a dad.

 

First, do not feel like her not getting a lawyer isn't "fair".  Crumble that idea up, toss it in the trash.  LAWYER THE **** UP!  And fight for getting "your right" to see your son.  You have time between now and July 12th to show the courts that you will do anything possible to get time with your son.  

 

First, establish a residency of your own, independent of your wife and current girlfriend.  If that is not an option, is moving back in with your parents temporarily an option?  I'm not a lawyer, but I would like to think that and am willing to bet that would get some points in your favor.  Based on the mediator stating you shouldn't bring your son to your new household.  It shows them you are willing to keep it separate from your girlfriend and if you move back in with your parent(s) it's your son's grandparents and a household independent of your girlfriend as well.

 

Second, not sure if you currently live in a house or apartment/townhome, but if you are in one that you own, is selling it and splitting the cost (if she is a co-owner) an option?  I know, easier said than done since adultery was committed, but from a financial stand point, it might be the best thing for both of your children in the long run.

 

You are going to end up paying alimony (most likely) and child support.  Depending on what your wife makes and you make, that is going to be pretty difficult if you have a high mortgage, need to pay rent for yourself, etc.

 

What is/was your girlfriends living situation prior to her getting pregnant?  Was she able to work and afford rent, etc. without/before you?  Because if so, then she should be able to do that until y'all get everything settled, I would hope.  Would your wife be able to afford rent for her own apartment?  Just something to think about.  

 

This advice is strictly for getting to see your son more, because regardless of the horrible things between you and your wife, he shouldn't be punished for it by not getting to see his father.  Courts/Judges don't like it when people represent themselves, it's very frowned upon, even in family courts.  I used to work with a lady that couldn't afford a lawyer and the judge told her that when she took her ex to court for back child support payments.  She represented herself and he had a lawyer, she said she didn't even stand a chance and he won, even though he had committed adultery and quit his job and poured all his money into a failing start up business.

 

 

[LadySkinsFan]

At some point, you'll have to establish an amicable co-parenting relationship with your son's mother, for the good of your child. You should never drag your son into this mess and that includes talking bad about his mother or trying to punish her. You are the one who originally ****ed up, literally.  If you had problems with your relationship, you should have worked those out, whether to keep the marriage going or to split. You set everything in motion. I'm sure your wife is really hurt, by everything.

 

You should have access to your son, period. That means you have to develop this amicable relationship. Have you given her a heartfelt apology? And really mean it?  If not, do so. You'll be surprised what that can do. You both need to act like adults, and it will help your cause custody and visitation wise.

 

Everything is going to change for your child, probably new housing, standard of living going way down, loss of friends, new school. I know because I lived it in my family. My dad had affairs my parents whole marriage. He would spend so much money on other women until he was deep in debt often moving out of our abode, then come back so my mom would manage finances until debts were paid, then he'd repeat the cycle. We often moved because he let all this affect his job. What was between my parents was their business, but he was a terrible father too, the reason I had nothing to do with him as an adult.  My brother and I called him the sperm donor. It was a very chaotic childhood.

 

So please remember your child is the number one consideration in all this. You can be the adult and try and cushion his existence. Neither of your children has a choice in this situation, so you must choose wisely. 

 

Maybe you and your son's mother can get some counseling on effective co-parenting, and I'm sure there are some self help books out there too. 

 

Please don't punish your son's mother for what you set in motion.