An Explaination/Apology

[Mass_SkinsFan]

I’m absolutely terrible at apologies, since they go against my very nature , so I’m going to try to do this as an explanation instead…..

Over the two and a half years of my stay here at ExtremeSkins I have probably been one of the most belligerent, annoying, pains in the backside that this site has ever experienced. I have been righteously banished for periods of time up to thirty days on numerous occasions, and should probably have been expelled permanently on more than one. My manner, demeanor, and attitudes have been so completely and totally beyond the pale of acceptable behavior that in any reasonable society I would have been sent packing long ago. In the last six months it’s gotten even worse, as I look back on things. That shouldn’t be acceptable in any community; online or otherwise.

Many of you have heard the stories of my life. Hell, I’ve been anything but bashful about spewing them into cyberspace for everyone to see. From my birth defect to issues during my childhood and adolescence and even into adulthood, you folks have heard a lot of it; in appropriate and inappropriate venues over time. I won’t deny that at times it’s probably been a cry for attention. At others it’s probably been a way of lashing out at people and issues I’ve been upset about. Unfortunately it’s gone well beyond the level of acceptableness and in recent months it’s gotten even worse.

I’m not here to ask for forgiveness. I’m well beyond the point where any reasonable human being would even think about excusing my behavior in both The Tailgate AND The Stadium in recent months and over the whole course of my two and a half years here at ExtremeSkins. I am not sure how much longer I will be here at ExtremeSkins; either because of my own decisions or the actions of the Staff (who have always been totally fair with me). I think you folks deserve better than I’m able to give and it might just be better if I moved on. I just wanted to take a couple of minutes to maybe explain why I am the way I am at times so that if someone else were to show up you might have a better understanding of where I’ve been coming from.

Some of you have commented on the state of my mental health over time, and you’re right. I have significant issues with my temper, self-confidence, self-control, and competitiveness. I always have and probably will until the day I die. Who knows that might just be what kills me. For the better part of the last decade I’ve also been in and out of depressive cycles brought on by a number of issues; most seriously the death of my father in 2001. In the past I have had ways of dealing with these issues. Unfortunately in the last six months to a year (and probably a little longer) a number of those means of dealing with the issues have gone away.

In the last year there have been major changes in my professional, personal, and family lives. None of which have been positive changes. Likewise my ability to be involved in the hobbies and recreational activities that I’ve used in recent years to relieve my stresses and anxieties have had to be curtailed due to things like an unacceptable level of lead in my blood stream and the new, increased demands of my professional life. Those professional demands have also added a whole new level of stress to my life that I’ve never had to deal with before, and which I’d just as soon be rid of. Unfortunately that’s not possible and it’s likely to get worse before it gets better. In the past my family was also a means of support for me in troubling times. Unfortunately we’re now so far spread apart that the support base isn’t really there. Then I find out a week and a half ago that a close family member has been arrested for a heinous and deplorable crime, putting his direct family and our extended family in an even more awkward position.

When I was younger there was one other way that I dealt with my stress and anxiety…. Through the sports teams I followed. Watching and cheering for the Boston Bruins, Red Sox and the Redskins was a way for me to live vicariously and enjoy the successes of those teams as my own. Unfortunately in recent years those teams, along with the few college and local teams I’ve followed, there hasn’t been a whole lot of Joy in the Mudville’s that I root for. This has lead to a situation where I not only don’t relieve stress by watching sports, but in fact tend to increase my level of anxiety and stress while watching them. When that stress reaches a boiling point my temper kicks in and it’s generally pretty ugly. The results of this have been more than plainly visible to anyone who’s been in The Stadium after a ‘Skins loss, or the Gameday chats in the first six weeks of the season.

Unfortunately with the loss of these other means of relieving stress, I’ve had to find other outlets. ExtremeSkins has become one of them, to the detriment of the entire community more than likely. I have taken out my frustrations, anger, stress, and anxiety on you well-meaning and totally innocent individuals. It wasn’t actually intended to fill this purpose. When I joined in 2006 I really liked what I saw in the community here at ExtremeSkins and thought it was about the best messageboard I’d come across to date (it still is). Over time it has become one of the few places for me to get relief from my emotional turmoil. The discussions, debates and conversations have been a way for me to release a lot of stress and other feelings. However, the format of that release has not always (or even often) been in what should be an acceptable manner. This has truly come to a head in the last six months.

The members at ExtremeSkins deserve better than me and from me. This is a great community with a wide variety of attitudes, philosophies and personalities that make it probably the premier online community on the world wide web so far as I’m concerned. I cannot make a promise to change my ways, though I will be trying. I’m not sure if it is even possible; or if it wouldn’t just be better for me to move on and let ES do so as well. As I said earlier, I’m not looking for pity or forgiveness. Heaven knows I wouldn’t be offering either if it were someone else in my place.

In conclusion I’d like to apologize to the entire staff, moderators, members, guests, et al…. for my behavior and my attitude in the last year. It’s been beyond reprehensible and I cannot excuse it in any way or form. I don’t expect your forgiveness; but I hope at least this will explain some of why it has happened.

Sincerely,

Scott Marks

aka: Mass_SkinsFan

Moderators - Is there any way this could be linked into The Stadium as well, since it pertains as much to those individuals over there who don't visit The Tailgate as it does to the people here?

[unsonny]

LULZ!!!!!111

[Koolblue13]

Alright, the bi monthly Mass sorry thread.

Why not just stop arguing all the time.

Stop going out of your way to be a pain in the ass and jack threads with your "special views" and try discussing ****.

The ****ing Eagles sealed their win as I am writing this with a freaking pick.

[Prosperity]

well this is an interesting side of you, I generally thought you were one dimensional... maybe not.

either way I have learned that apologies are a good start, but if one is to truly attain forgiveness one must change their actions. Good thoughts will lead to good words which will beget good actions from you and eventually for you. Asking for forgiveness are good words which may stem from good thoughts, but you still have to perform good actions to rectify your standing with the community (I mean this for ES but probably for any community level this applies).

[Mass_SkinsFan]

Why not just stop arguing all the time.

It's tough not to "argue" when your views don't align with the vast majority of the rest of society, Koolblue. If I only posted comments that were in agreement with other people, I probably wouldn't make 10 posts a month. I agree that the level of animosity in many of my comments needs to go down, but as for general disagreement, it's not something I can really deal with.

Stop going out of your way to be a pain in the ass and jack threads with your "special views" and try discussing ****.

Believe it or not I don't TRY to be an ass. I do try to discuss things, Koolblue. What I don't do is DEBATE. I'm more than willing to listen to the other side. Just don't expect me to agree with it and if pressed I'm going to respond on why I believe it's wrong. Again if you're only looking for me to post comments in threads where I agree with the majority I may as well move along because I won't be posting much at all.

I see the world very differently from most people. Whether that's right or wrong could be discussed until the end of time. That puts me in the position of being considered odd and "special" as you refer to it. Would you prefer I make things up so I can be included in discussions rather than stating my true views and feelings on them?

[Mass_SkinsFan]

either way I have learned that apologies are a good start, but if one is to truly attain forgiveness one must change their actions. Good thoughts will lead to good words which will beget good actions from you and eventually for you. Asking for forgiveness are good words which may stem from good thoughts, but you still have to perform good actions to rectify your standing with the community (I mean this for ES but probably for any community level this applies).

Liberty, I thank you for the kind words, but I don't really believe there's any chance of forgiveness for me. I've made my bed here and I have to lay in it. It's that simple.

Since I don't see the underlying issues changing any time in the near future, I'm not sure how far along the good actions you speak of are going to be able to come. There will be an attempt, but I'm not putting a whole lot of faith in there being any significant result achieved in the long term.

[Metskins]

It's tough not to "argue" when your views don't align with the vast majority of the rest of society, Koolblue. If I only posted comments that were in agreement with other people, I probably wouldn't make 10 posts a month. I agree that the level of animosity in many of my comments needs to go down, but as for general disagreement, it's not something I can really deal with.

Believe it or not I don't TRY to be an ass. I do try to discuss things, Koolblue. What I don't do is DEBATE. I'm more than willing to listen to the other side. Just don't expect me to agree with it and if pressed I'm going to respond on why I believe it's wrong. Again if you're only looking for me to post comments in threads where I agree with the majority I may as well move along because I won't be posting much at all.

I see the world very differently from most people. Whether that's right or wrong could be discussed until the end of time. That puts me in the position of being considered odd and "special" as you refer to it. Would you prefer I make things up so I can be included in discussions rather than stating my true views and feelings on them?

You might as well tattoo the word "narcissist" on your forehead.

[Mass_SkinsFan]

You might as well tattoo the word "narcissist" on your forehead.

I've never claimed to be anything else, Met. I think I've made it abundantly clear over time that the only three people in the world I care about are.... ME, MYSELF, and I.

[SC_RedskinsFan]

Scott check your PM

[Koolblue13]

It's tough not to "argue" when your views don't align with the vast majority of the rest of society, Koolblue. If I only posted comments that were in agreement with other people, I probably wouldn't make 10 posts a month. I agree that the level of animosity in many of my comments needs to go down, but as for general disagreement, it's not something I can really deal with.

Believe it or not I don't TRY to be an ass. I do try to discuss things, Koolblue. What I don't do is DEBATE. I'm more than willing to listen to the other side. Just don't expect me to agree with it and if pressed I'm going to respond on why I believe it's wrong. Again if you're only looking for me to post comments in threads where I agree with the majority I may as well move along because I won't be posting much at all.

I see the world very differently from most people. Whether that's right or wrong could be discussed until the end of time. That puts me in the position of being considered odd and "special" as you refer to it. Would you prefer I make things up so I can be included in discussions rather than stating my true views and feelings on them?

I think you are full of **** Mass, I really do.

I have seen you talk about having the government out of your life, then turn in the same thread talk about how the government should take rights from people.

You will constantly contradict yourself, just to continue on with your one sided debate.

I have enjoyed you on here and even agreed with you plenty, but when that happens and you are in agreement with somebody, you constantly find a way to **** that up too and in a way just to piss others off.

[georgiaredskin]

MSF,

I am not the only one who believes you are changing and growing for the better. I'm sorry you have gone through some rough times in life, especially these last several years. I can relate to a lot of what you posted, such as stress brought on from the job and I, too, lost my father in 2001. I am just a pm away if you ever need to talk. I will also add you to my prayer list.

Hang in there. And don't worry, the Redskins will have some more good wins to lift us up.

[Koolblue13]

I've made my bed here and I have to lay in it.

It's tough not to "argue" when your views don't align with the vast majority of the rest of society

I see the world very differently from most people.

None of it's your fault, disclaimers are for the hell of it.

Just out of curiosity, did you decide the best time for this thread was right after a **** loss intentionally?

[Mass_SkinsFan]

I think you are full of **** Mass, I really do.

I'm sure that's a pretty common feeling around here, Koolblue.

I have seen you talk about having the government out of your life, then turn in the same thread talk about how the government should take rights from people.

You will constantly contradict yourself, just to continue on with your one sided debate.

I don't want to have an arguement with you about arguements . Often in my mind there is something small and relatively minor to others that I believe to be of much greater importance that separates my viewpoint from theirs. As someone once said.... "the devil is in the details" and that's where I need to learn to just shut up and walk away, apparently.

I have enjoyed you on here and even agreed with you plenty, but when that happens and you are in agreement with somebody, you constantly find a way to **** that up too and in a way just to piss others off.

That's not the intent, though I'm sure you probably won't believe that. Again it's a matter of the details. We may agree on the general concepts, but the details may be very different for us. That's part of why I'm wondering if it might not just be better for me to ride off into the sunset on a permanent basis.

Just out of curiosity, did you decide the best time for this thread was right after a **** loss intentionally?

No, it actually came out of sitting in the shower after the loss wondering if life was actually worth still living and realizing how much of an absolute ******* I've been around here.

[GSF]

You seriously need to learn how to relax MSF...I think part of the distress you're feeling right now is that deep down you feel guilty for not letting us post your new sig.

[Rudechain]

Mass, it's easy to forgive a person. While I personally think your views are way off base for our society and do respect them. There are some things you have said that I disagree with vociferously. But I do respect your right to state them no matter if I think they border on the ramblings of an isolationist and self centered person.

I would encourage you to broaden your horizons though. Get to see how others not like yourself live. Emulate your father and mother more. Strive for perfection every day. Even though it's not attainable, the pursuit of it is important.

good luck MSF. I do hope you find something that fills the void.

[D'KanSkinFan]

MSF/Scott~

I'm impressed, NOW let me see a change.........please.

You can do this~ the past IS just that, the past~ don't dwell on the negatives (and I will give you the numbers that have been against you)

but,

Dwell on the positive future.

[Zen-like Todd]

I've never claimed to be anything else, Met. I think I've made it abundantly clear over time that the only three people in the world I care about are.... ME, MYSELF, and I.

It's not true though. It's just a defense mechanism you've evolved in order to help you deal with all the ****ty aspects of the world. Your problem is that it's no longer serving you sufficiently as you beome an adult and mature in your life.

[skinsfan07]

LULZ!!!!!111

is that him?!?! lol

[Zen-like Todd]

is that him?!?! lol

No, I believe that's someone from the DTC.

[Mass_SkinsFan]

You seriously need to learn how to relax MSF...I think part of the distress you're feeling right now is that deep down you feel guilty for not letting us post your new sig.

Unfortunately most of my ways of relaxing have been taken away recently. Due to an excessive lead level in my blood I'm banned from the shooting range right now. Due to my schedule I've only been in armor a half dozen times this year to fight. We've had some issues with the horse this year that have made riding and working with him stressful and almost totally frustrating. Then the fact that the two pro sports teams I'm currently following haven't exactly been error-free the first part of their seasons.

You're wrong, but do you folks even have the sig decided on, GSF? If it's really that big of a deal to you folks, put it together and we'll do it.

Mass, it's easy to forgive a person. While I personally think your views are way off base for our society and do respect them. There are some things you have said that I disagree with vociferously. But I do respect your right to state them no matter if I think they border on the ramblings of an isolationist and self centered person.

They don't border on that, Rude. That's exactly what they ARE. There's no doubt about that. That's exactly what I am and I don't see that changing any time in the near future. I just need to get some sort of filter installed so I don't get so over the top with it.

I would encourage you to broaden your horizons though. Get to see how others not like yourself live. Emulate your father and mother more. Strive for perfection every day. Even though it's not attainable, the pursuit of it is important.

Rude, unfortunately broadening my horizons really isn't going to work that well. I'm just not that open-minded of a person. I can look at how other people live but I don't take the concepts into my own life.

Emulate my father. I wish. I truly do. Unfortunately there's no way in hell that I'll ever be even a quarter of the man that he was. I just don't have it in me. It's not my way of doing things. He had patience. He had a broader vision and understanding of things. That's just not me.

Unfortunately I'm about as far away from perfection as possible. It can't even be found on a map of the area I reside in.

good luck MSF. I do hope you find something that fills the void.

It's not so much a matter of filling the void as it is a matter of figuring out what the hell I'm doing wrong (besides everything). It just seems like everything I touch turns into cow pies. No matter what I do with it.

[Koolblue13]

I don't want to have an arguement with you about arguements .

That's not the intent, though I'm sure you probably won't believe that.

I sure don't. I do it. (ask Braves) Everybody(generally speaking) gets caught up in it.

That's part of why I'm wondering if it might not just be better for me to ride off into the sunset on a permanent basis.

Very dramatic,

I'm glad you enjot your feelings.

No, it actually came out realizing how much of an absolute ******* I've been around here.

Just wanted to post that.

[Mass_SkinsFan]

I'm impressed' date=' NOW let me see a change.........please.

You can do this~ the past IS just that, the past~ don't dwell on the negatives (and I will give you the numbers that have been against you)

but,

Dwell on the positive future.[/quote']

When the past is what it is for me it's not that easy to just throw it away, D'Kan. I've been through the litany of issues before. They don't just disappear because you want them to. I wish they did.

Unfortunately, all too often when I look into the future and see that bright shining light I have to wonder if it's an oncoming freight train. Mostly because it has been so many times in the past.

There will be an attempt to chage, but I really don't know if it's going to work. There's just so much crap to overcome.

It's not true though. It's just a defense mechanism you've evolved in order to help you deal with all the ****ty aspects of the world. Your problem is that it's no longer serving you sufficiently as you beome an adult and mature in your life.

Todd, the problem is that I learned very early on in life that for whatever reason (there are/were plenty) that I'm more or less alone in this life. I learned not to trust people. I learned not to believe that anyone really had my best interests at heart. I learned not to put myself out there because it always ended up with ME getting hurt. One can only get laughed AT so many times before they step back and distance themselves from the rest of the world.

I WISH that I could be the type of guy that has a ton of friends, is everyone's best buddy, gets invited to all the parties and is great with the girls. TRUST ME ON THAT. It's just not who I am, and I doubt it's who I'll ever be. There's just too much baggage.

I sure don't. I do it. (ask Braves) Everybody(generally speaking) gets caught up in it.

Kb, honestly I really don't like arguing with people. I don't find it fun or enjoyable. Conversation and discussion, yes; but arguements, no. Unfortuantely all too often my stress and pigheadedness get me into trouble.

[Rudechain]

MSF. you sound like you don't want to try. The whole thing in life is the pursuit. You have to try. I can never be the man my father is, but I sure as hell will try to emulate the qualities in him I appreciate. And as I said perfection is not attainable, it's the pursuit. You have to stive to improve yourself every day.

Your going through a rough patch in life. I have been there too man. Lost my job, lost my woman, lost my home and lost my car. For six weeks I lived under a bridge while attending college but I never gave up. I worked my way through it, found another job and was able to eventually rent a room, then an apartment, then I got another girlfriend.

today, I have a home two cars, a motorcycle, a boat and am in love with my wife of fifteen years.

don't end up a bitter and lonely old man.

[MissU28]

I think your apology is unnecessary. We are on the internet. While there are times people get heated at each other in threads, if people really get off the computer and are still mad about something someone they don't even know said in a thread, that's kinda stupid. Yeah, you've said some stupid stuff, but so have I and so has everyone else. While you are brash, it is still the internet, so it's not that big a deal.

[jbooma]

I think your apology is unnecessary. We are on the internet. While there are times people get heated at each other in threads, if people really get off the computer and are still mad about something someone they don't even know said in a thread, that's kinda stupid. Yeah, you've said some stupid stuff, but so have I and so has everyone else. While you are brash, it is still the internet, so it's not that big a deal.

Bingo we have a winner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Honestly Mass we all know even though you are apologizing you will not change. You will still argue at those who you do not like. You will still hold dear to your personal values, which you always should. If you try and become someone else then you are lying to everyone.

The only thing I would say you need to work on is not taking everything so hard and that everyone is against you. We all have issues and bad things to happen to us in life, what makes the person is how they deal with them. Try not to take things so personal and negative, there is always something positive to take from the worst situations.