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ESPN: How to handle a beatdown

tr1

By tr1
in Around the NFL

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tr1

tr1

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By DJ Gallo

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/print?id=3065756&type=story

Terrell Owens

T.O., were you watching the same game as us?

"They're a good team, but I definitely wouldn't say they're the best."

-- Cowboys receiver Terrell Owens, on the New England Patriots, after the Patriots came into Dallas on Sunday and beat the Cowboys, 48-27.

"We'll see them again. If they make it to Arizona, we'll see them again. If they make it to Arizona, we'll see them again."

-- Cowboys receiver Patrick Crayton, saying the Patriots will have to face the Cowboys again … IF the Patriots are worthy enough to earn a shot at Dallas in the Super Bowl.

"We have not been outplayed. If anything, it's the other way around."

-- Diamondbacks outfielder Eric Byrnes, on the NLCS, after the Rockies took a 2-0 series lead by winning two games in Arizona.

Ahhh … the sweet sounds of denial. That can only mean one thing: An ass-kicking just went down.

There are two options for an athlete after an embarrassing loss. He can tip his hat and acknowledge a superior foe. Or he can make excuses, pass the blame and deny the obvious.

The former is the classiest approach. But the latter is far more enjoyable from the fan's perspective.

With that in mind, I present Page 2's Guide To Getting Your Ass Kicked.

Let Your Words Do The Denying

Owens and Byrnes are by no means the first to employ this tactic. Nor will they be the last.

Perhaps the best-known denial of recent vintage came after the BCS Championship Game on Jan. 4, 2006. "I still think we're the better team," USC quarterback Matt Leinart said after the Trojans lost to Texas, adding: "And another thing, no one can tell me that the rhythm method isn't the best form of birth control."

Leave The Field Early

Don't care for the result on the field of play? Then just head to the showers early. Randy Moss once left the field pre-Tom Brady, and Isiah Thomas once famously left the court, too. Perhaps he suspected he would be spending a lot of time in court at a later date.

Cry

Players and coaches forever have cried after a loss. But it's always the responsibility of a generation to improve on what its predecessors did. My generation may not win a world war or cure polio, but we will always have Adam Morrison bawling on the court even before Gonzaga lost to UCLA in the 2006 NCAA Tournament. Take that, Greatest Generation!

Blame The Officials

The Seattle Seahawks put the XL in Super Bowl XL by being Extra Large complainers. In what was an ugly game on both sides, the Steelers made the only two big plays of the game -- Willie Parker's touchdown run and Antwaan Randle El's TD pass to Hines Ward -- yet Seattle decided to pin almost the entire loss on the officials.

"We knew it was going to be tough going against the Pittsburgh Steelers," Seahawks coach Mike Holmgren said. "I didn't know we were going to have to play the guys in the striped shirts."

There was even a whine rally held the next day at Qwest Field. And all fans in attendance received a free glass of sour grapes -- yeah!

While the Seahawks' display was sad, former New Jersey Devils coach Jim Schoenfeld's bout of official blame in the 1988 Stanley Cup playoffs was hilarious. After the Devils fell 6-1 to the Bruins, Schoenfeld verbally abused referee Don Koharski, yelling: "Have another doughnut, you fat pig!" In Schoenfeld's defense, he confused Koharski with Mr. Porky, a doughnut-eating, hockey-refereeing, pot-bellied pig that was popular on the Canadian carnival circuit in the 1980s.

Change The Topic By Going Insane

"They are who we thought they were!"

-- Dennis Green

Jim Mora

Jim Mora deflected the attention away from his struggling Colts with his "Playoffs?" rant. …

Sheer brilliance.

"Playoffs? Don't talk about -- playoffs? You kidding me? Playoffs? I just hope we can win a game!"

-- Jim Mora

While such insane tirades are, indeed, great at taking the focus off your lousy team and on to your own mental failings, they do have a downside. Coaches who go on such tirades quickly become what we thought they should be: unemployed.

Blame Your Coach (aka: Do The Tiki)

U.S. women's soccer goalie Hope Solo is the latest example of this approach, laying into head coach Greg Ryan for not starting her in the World Cup semifinals. But Solo didn't just stop with her coach, she also had negative words for her replacement, Briana Scurry, who was in net for Team USA's 4-0 loss to Brazil. Not a good display by Ms. Solo. On the positive side, however, she got U.S. women's soccer in the news without showing her bra.

Start Over

After Notre Dame lost 38-0 to Michigan earlier this season in a battle of 0-2 "powers," Charlie Weis said his team would start from scratch and begin anew. Good idea. Unfortunately, that still makes the Irish 1-3 in 2007(B).

Try A New Sport

Stink at your current sport? Well, there are dozens of others for you to try. Danny Ainge hit .220 in three seasons with the Toronto Blue Jays. Suddenly basketball seemed like a much better idea. Drew Henson got nine ABs in the majors with the Yankees, albeit undeservedly, because he never had much success at the minor league level. So then it was on to the NFL, where he had one unforgettable start with the Cowboys. Now he's reportedly working on his jumper.

Retire

Dan Marino

Dan Marino had seen enough after the Dolphins' 62-7 playoff loss to the Jaguars in 2000.

Following a 62-7 playoff loss in 2000 -- the biggest playoff rout in AFC history -- Dan Marino and Jimmy Johnson retired from the sport. Many other Dolphins apparently retired before the game but didn't tell anyone.

Fall Back Into Obscurity

They were going to shock the world, they said. "Beware" warned the ads. Beware of what? The 2006 U.S. men's World Cup team failed to win a single match and scored only two goals. Perhaps those ads were warning anyone who would consider betting on the U.S. World Cup team. Please make your ads clearer next time, Nike.

Float Conspiracy Theories

Less than a minute to go. The Cowboys need a field goal to knock off the Seahawks at Qwest Field in the first round of the playoffs. A ball is put into play. It's snapped to the holder, Tony Romo sits to pee. He fumbles it and makes a mad dash to the goal line but comes up short. Cowboys lose. Now let's go back to the ball. Dallas-area conspiracy theorists claim the Seahawks put a super slick ball into the game so Romo sits to pee would drop it. True? Who knows? But the league did implement a "Tony Romo sits to pee Rule" this season to prevent such things from happening. But for what it's worth, I don't think the Seahawks put a slick ball into play. I think they got some of the fake blood that Curt Schilling put on his sock in the 2004 ALCS and wiped that all over the ball.

Turn State's Evidence

Was Eric Mangini supposed to just let his old team cheat against him? Of course not. But no one likes a snitch. And with the Jets at 1-5, it's starting to appear that Mangini's success may have all been thanks to his New England-learned cheating tactics. What's worse, he has now tarnished and dated the final season of "The Sopranos." I don't look forward to watching the penultimate episode on DVD 10 years from now and hearing Rich Kotite Jr. referred to as a "genius."

Party Like A Rock Star

The U.S. Olympic team headed to the 1998 Winter Games with a hockey team full of NHL stars. It left without a hockey medal and with a $1,000 bill for damages the players made to their rooms at the Olympic Village after they were eliminated from the tournament. In the team's defense, however, Bode Miller did treat them to 14 rounds of drinks.

Fake An Injury

This is a fact: 98 percent of sprinters who pull up with a hamstring injury in the middle of a race do so because they are losing and decide to save face by faking a hamstring pull. The other 2 percent? Actual hamstring injuries. (But those are hamstring injuries caused by microscopic frays in the muscle due to repeated stabbings with syringes full of steroids.)

Blame The Bugs

Joba Chamberlain and the Yankees were attacked by bugs during Game 2 of this year's ALDS in Cleveland, and eventually lost the game 2-1 in 11 innings. Clearly Derek Jeter's eau de toilette spray smells like garbage. Cross it off your holiday wish list.

Ask For A Trade

Not long after the Lakers were eliminated in the first round of the 2007 NBA playoffs, Kobe Bryant went on Stephen A. Smith's New York radio show and said he wanted to be traded. But he later rescinded his request. So does he want to be traded or not? I say he doesn't. He probably just felt he needed to say something outlandish to get a word in edgewise on Stephen A. Smith.

Opt Out Of The Biggest Contract In Professional Team Sports

After four years in New York, Alex Rodriguez is still without a championship. Now it appears he is going to opt out of his record contract. Goes to show you: Winning is more important than $25 million a year. Unless, that is, Scott Boras can get $30 million a year from the Cubs.

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DWinzit

DWinzit

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Cowboys would need to string playoff wins together in order to make the SB. I'm not seeing that.

After four years in New York, Alex Rodriguez is still without a championship. Now it appears he is going to opt out of his record contract. Goes to show you: Winning is more important than $25 million a year. Unless, that is, Scott Boras can get $30 million a year from the Cubs.
Scott Boras is the worst of the blood sucking agents.:doh: I can't stand him but he does squeeze out the cash.

Please leave the Yankees A Rod!:cool:

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dockeryfan

dockeryfan

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Noone watched football in 83 and 88 because the NFL was on strike. ;)

Always a caveat with you guys.

I still got to see my team hoist a lombardi 3 times. Maybe you should petition the NFL to have them put an asterisk on those 2, lol. Holy crap, the Skins only won one Spuerbowl!!!11!!

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Westbrook36

Westbrook36

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Always a caveat with you guys.

I still got to see my team hoist a lombardi 3 times. Maybe you should petition the NFL to have them put an asterisk on those 2, lol. Holy crap, the Skins only won one Spuerbowl!!!11!!

This is a well worn routine; we must go through all the steps.

1. WB or Eagles fan makes genuine football comment.

2. Redskins fan(s) make comments on how Philly never won a SB and how great it was to win one.

3. Eagles fan comes back with the fact that 2 of the Skins SBs were during strike-years and cheapened in the eyes of most NFL fans.

4. Skins fan(s) come back and post trophy case or something equally witty.

5. Eagles fan says that the Eagles have 3 NFL championships and actually shut out Lombardi's Packers in Championship game.

6. Skins fans say they don't really count because, well, it didn't have the cool name of SB. They do count if they are in an argument with a different rival fan and they want to bring up their 2 NFL championships, however.

7. Bubba posts link to official rules of ATN and reminds me my screen is burgandy and gold for a reason.

Did I miss anything?

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dockeryfan

dockeryfan

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Noone watched football in 83 and 88 because the NFL was on strike. ;)

Besides, you should really get your smack talk together before trying it.

There was a 24 day strike in 1987.

There was a 57 day strike in 1982.

I realize you were still in grade school, so frozen juice boxes were more important at the time.

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tr1

tr1

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This is a well worn routine; we must go through all the steps.

1. WB or Eagles fan makes genuine football comment.

2. Redskins fan(s) make comments on how Philly never won a SB and how great it was to win one.

3. Eagles fan comes back with the fact that 2 of the Skins SBs were during strike-years and cheapened in the eyes of most NFL fans.

4. Skins fan(s) come back and post trophy case or something equally witty.

5. Eagles fan says that the Eagles have 3 NFL championships and actually shut out Lombardi's Packers in Championship game.

6. Skins fans say they don't really count because, well, it didn't have the cool name of SB. They do count if they are in an argument with a different rival fan and they want to bring up their 2 NFL championships, however.

7. Bubba posts link to official rules of ATN and reminds me my screen is burgandy and gold for a reason.

Did I miss anything?

:laugh: :laugh:

I think you missed the ensuing pissing match and your getting banned for awhile...but other than that, you covered it pretty well...

:laugh:

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Westbrook36

Westbrook36

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Besides, you should really get your smack talk together before trying it.

There was a 24 day strike in 1987.

There was a 57 day strike in 1982.

I realize you were still in grade school, so frozen juice boxes were more important at the time.

I just followed up your comments where you said 83 and 88. I figured you were referring to when the SB was actually played.

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tr1

tr1

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Besides, you should really get your smack talk together before trying it.

There was a 24 day strike in 1987.

There was a 57 day strike in 1982.

I realize you were still in grade school, so frozen juice boxes were more important at the time.

He's been eating a lot of Mongolian food and wrestling with the natives...go easy on him, doc.... :laugh:

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BigMike619

BigMike619

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This is a well worn routine; we must go through all the steps.

1. WB or Eagles fan makes genuine football comment.

2. Redskins fan(s) make comments on how Philly never won a SB and how great it was to win one.

3. Eagles fan comes back with the fact that 2 of the Skins SBs were during strike-years and cheapened in the eyes of most NFL fans.

4. Skins fan(s) come back and post trophy case or something equally witty.

5. Eagles fan says that the Eagles have 3 NFL championships and actually shut out Lombardi's Packers in Championship game.

6. Skins fans say they don't really count because, well, it didn't have the cool name of SB. They do count if they are in an argument with a different rival fan and they want to bring up their 2 NFL championships, however.

7. Bubba posts link to official rules of ATN and reminds me my screen is burgandy and gold for a reason.

Did I miss anything?

sounds like you are part of this equation..you have the lingo and patterns down pat. so if you really hate it, maybe you should just ignore it or not lower yourself to being a sheep and walking right into the trap set for you.

as for the teams who make excuses; nobody likes to see their team lose and you naturally make up excuses when you feel like you are being attacked.

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TonyRomoProBowl

TonyRomoProBowl

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Posted
This is a well worn routine; we must go through all the steps.

1. WB or Eagles fan makes genuine football comment.

2. Redskins fan(s) make comments on how Philly never won a SB and how great it was to win one.

3. Eagles fan comes back with the fact that 2 of the Skins SBs were during strike-years and cheapened in the eyes of most NFL fans.

4. Skins fan(s) come back and post trophy case or something equally witty.

5. Eagles fan says that the Eagles have 3 NFL championships and actually shut out Lombardi's Packers in Championship game.

6. Skins fans say they don't really count because, well, it didn't have the cool name of SB. They do count if they are in an argument with a different rival fan and they want to bring up their 2 NFL championships, however.

7. Bubba posts link to official rules of ATN and reminds me my screen is burgandy and gold for a reason.

Did I miss anything?

well Westy36 you nailed this one....i gotta hand it to ya, this was a great post on the subject and 100% correct:applause:

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bubba9497

bubba9497

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:laugh: :laugh:

I think you missed the ensuing pissing match and your getting banned for awhile...but other than that, you covered it pretty well...

:laugh:

he forgot where he gets owned repeatedly, and then starts his childish personal attacks to sway the topic away from his being wrong....

oops looks like it just stared :laugh:

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