New Rules!!!!!!!

[Ellis]

Pretty funny stuff... thought I'd share.:laugh:

1. New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com!

There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.

2. New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout?

3. New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are per manently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky ****s.

4. New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. if you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.

5. New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

6. New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a

whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

7. New Rule: Stop f***ing with old people. Target is introducing a

redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the

top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.

8. New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the *******. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vani lla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge *******.

9. New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

10. New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

11. New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. it's called "The Howard Stern Show."

12. New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

13. New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

[The Evil Genius]

3. New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are per manently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky ****s.

:laugh:

I didn't have those teachers in Va. Beach.

[PCS]

9. New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

And drinking my Fresca. :mad:

[Pete]

11. New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. it's called "The Howard Stern Show."

Competitive farting..... how would you judge that, by sound, stink or duration ? Combo points ? Would there be a class for SBD's ?

I so confused............

[Skinned]

13. New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

I got married a few months ago and registries were new to me then, but no more... :laugh:

[zoony]

These are great, I love the Starbucks one. That is so true :laugh:

Chubakah posted this a while ago in the tailgate

http://www.extremeskins.com/forums/showthread.php?t=130258

[CHUBAKAH]

Wow, your all over it bro!

[praise_gibbs]

:laugh:

I didn't have those teachers in Va. Beach.

:laugh: Nor in South Jersey.