PleaseBlitz Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Ever think one of the other posters on ES would be good at a certain career? I have. Go ahead and spill it in this thread. Again, this is a joke thread! Keep it light, keep it clean. If you cant take a joke, go away. I'll start: Honorary_Hog. Writer for The Onion. http://www.extremeskins.com/forums/showthread.php?t=155176 CIA Admits Mistake; clarifies Iranian leader's position WASHINGTON, D.C. (AP) -- In a stunning turn of events, mounting hostilities between Tehran and Washington have come to an end without a single shot being fired. Former CIA chief Porter Goss revealed on NBC's Meet the Press that intelligence reports claiming Iran was attempting to enrich uranium were a "big misunderstanding." "None of us were really sure what language they spoke in Iran," Goss told Meet the Press host Tim Russert. "So we had all of our foreign language specialists watch tape of Mr. Ahmedinejad's speeches. When our lone Farsi-speaking agent found something, we had no reason to doubt him." "It wasn't until much later that we realized they actually speak Arabic in Iran," Goss continued. "When you translate Mr. Ahmedinejad's words in Arabic instead of Farsi, his message is completely different. We now know that he likes puppies and kittens, and has no desire to pursue uranium enrichment." When the story of the mistaken translation broke, President Bush had no choice but to seek Goss' immediate resignation. Goss didn't learn he was being forced out until weeks later though, after Mr. Bush's request was deciphered by the CIA's Texanese translator. "We had some trouble with a few words," the agent said on condition of anonymity. "We weren't sure what he meant by 'decider,' or his claim that it was time for the 'nuculear' option. But we just stayed after it. Sure, Ahmedinejad fooled us, but we weren't about to let it happen again. Y'know, the 'fool me once and you can't get fooled again' principle." The Farsi debacle has called into question the CIA's reliability on issues throughout history. Word fron inside the Agency is that reviews of Hitler's speeches translated in German instead of Yiddish show him calling France "a nice place to visit, with beautiful shores." The Senate Intelligence Committee is expected to open an investigation on the comments of both Ahmedinejad and Hitler within the coming week. Anyone remember when that guy posted amongst the commoners? :whoknows: Ah, the good old days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coach Williams Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Major: Goat Herder Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rincewind Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Major:Goat Herder Damnit. Beat me to it. :mad: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rincewind Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 PleaseBlitz - McKenzie Brother Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PleaseBlitz Posted June 7, 2006 Author Share Posted June 7, 2006 Damnit. Beat me to it. :mad: Beat us all too it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PleaseBlitz Posted June 7, 2006 Author Share Posted June 7, 2006 Zoony. Toy manufacturer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevinklein Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 PleaseBlitz Wine taster. And beer. And liqour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rincewind Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Who Del: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PleaseBlitz Posted June 7, 2006 Author Share Posted June 7, 2006 KingBrice: Small business entreprenuer: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coach Williams Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ :rotflmao: I knew either you or HH was gonna get me........that's too perfect..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PleaseBlitz Posted June 7, 2006 Author Share Posted June 7, 2006 Art: Media relations coordinator. http://www.extremeskins.com/forums/showthread.php?t=138318&highlight=len+sportsline+press I'm finishing up the blog when Die Hard leans in and whispers to me, "You see the guy next to me. That's Len Pasquarelli." I looked. NO EFFING WAY. Lenny the Hutt is a gigantic squishy belly. This guy was merely a chubby, frail looking, painfully old looking man. He was small in height. Grey, thinning hair. No real resemblance to his ESPN picture. He no longer qualifies as the Hutt. He's now a Grumpy Old Man . :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coach Williams Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 ^^^^right!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teller Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 www.fakeesnews.com/pleaseblitz/newjob/nobodycares/whoreadsthis MCLEAN, Va. (EP) -- In a stunning development, Please Blitz has quit his job as malt beverage quality control inspector to take a new position as Marcus Vicks' public relations agent. The hastily called press conference took place early Thursday evening. "I feel like I've reached the pinnacle of the malt beverage quality control inspecting field," Please Blitz stated to a throng of at least three or four reporters. "I need to branch out into another field; specifically the football field. I just signed a contract to become Marcus Vick's PR guy." The move should present the challenge that Please Blitz is craving. He's moving from a stable, though un-fulfilling existence as Mr. Beer and Cheetos, to the high-risk life as Mr. Boost the Cheater. Vick, who was present at the press conference seemed delighted. "I was thinkin' 'bout my situation and ****. And I thought, 'Marcus, boy you gots ta git up off you *** and do sometin' ta makes people think you ain't all thug and what not," Vick said. "So I was thinkin', right? And I done thought, what could make me seem like mo' of a good guy than gittin' a drunk-*** Mountaqueer fan ta be my PR *****?" Please Blitz' drunk-*** stumbled to the podium and nudged Vick out of the way. "What Marcus meant to say was that his image may be in need of a little tweaking, fine-tuning if you will." Just then Marcus lept back to the podium, knocked Please Blitz down, and stomped on the back of his knee. Apparently this PR ***** thing is going to be more of a ***** than PB bargained for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coach Williams Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 :doh: ^^^ Then Quincy Carter shows up..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rincewind Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 www.fakeesnews.com/pleaseblitz/newjob/nobodycares/whoreadsthisMCLEAN, Va. (EP) -- In a stunning development, Please Blitz has quit his job as malt beverage quality control inspector to take a new position as Marcus Vicks' public relations agent. The hastily called press conference took place early Thursday evening. "I feel like I've reached the pinnacle of the malt beverage quality control inspecting field," Please Blitz stated to a throng of at least three or four reporters. "I need to branch out into another field; specifically the football field. I just signed a contract to become Marcus Vick's PR guy." The move should present the challenge that Please Blitz is craving. He's moving from a stable, though un-fulfilling existence as Mr. Beer and Cheetos, to the high-risk life as Mr. Boost the Cheater. Vick, who was present at the press conference seemed delighted. "I was thinkin' 'bout my situation and ****. And I thought, 'Marcus, boy you gots ta git up off you *** and do sometin' ta makes people think you ain't all thug and what not," Vick said. "So I was thinkin', right? And I done thought, what could make me seem like mo' of a good guy than gittin' a drunk-*** Mountaqueer fan ta be my PR *****?" Please Blitz' drunk-*** stumbled to the podium and nudged Vick out of the way. "What Marcus meant to say was that his image may be in need of a little tweaking, fine-tuning if you will." Just then Marcus lept back to the podium, knocked Please Blitz down, and stomped on the back of his knee. Apparently this PR ***** thing is going to be more of a ***** than PB bargained for. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Funniest. Post. Ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PleaseBlitz Posted June 7, 2006 Author Share Posted June 7, 2006 www.fakeesnews.com/pleaseblitz/newjob/nobodycares/whoreadsthisMCLEAN, Va. (EP) -- In a stunning development, Please Blitz has quit his job as malt beverage quality control inspector to take a new position as Marcus Vicks' public relations agent. The hastily called press conference took place early Thursday evening. "I feel like I've reached the pinnacle of the malt beverage quality control inspecting field," Please Blitz stated to a throng of at least three or four reporters. "I need to branch out into another field; specifically the football field. I just signed a contract to become Marcus Vick's PR guy." The move should present the challenge that Please Blitz is craving. He's moving from a stable, though un-fulfilling existence as Mr. Beer and Cheetos, to the high-risk life as Mr. Boost the Cheater. Vick, who was present at the press conference seemed delighted. "I was thinkin' 'bout my situation and ****. And I thought, 'Marcus, boy you gots ta git up off you *** and do sometin' ta makes people think you ain't all thug and what not," Vick said. "So I was thinkin', right? And I done thought, what could make me seem like mo' of a good guy than gittin' a drunk-*** Mountaqueer fan ta be my PR *****?" Please Blitz' drunk-*** stumbled to the podium and nudged Vick out of the way. "What Marcus meant to say was that his image may be in need of a little tweaking, fine-tuning if you will." Just then Marcus lept back to the podium, knocked Please Blitz down, and stomped on the back of his knee. Apparently this PR ***** thing is going to be more of a ***** than PB bargained for. Help a Hokie? :laugh: Maybe PacMan Jones, not a Vick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PleaseBlitz Posted June 7, 2006 Author Share Posted June 7, 2006 Mickalino. Lead Singer. Menudo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teller Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Help a Hokie? :laugh: Maybe PacMan Jones, not a Vick. Helping a Mountaineer wouldn't have had near the comic value. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rincewind Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 TK - Stormtrooper Mod. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Sick Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Ron Jeremy would obviously have to be a gynecologist. Major Harris could continue his career in couch burning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teller Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 NEWS FLASH!!!!! www.fakeesnews.com is reporting that chomerics will be chairing The Committee to Elect Jeb Bush President in 2008! More details to follow! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CooleyNaMean Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Tarhog = Actor/Brad Pitt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PleaseBlitz Posted June 7, 2006 Author Share Posted June 7, 2006 Tarhog = Actor/Brad Pitt Uh........................please tell us youve been drinking Cooley. :paranoid: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PleaseBlitz Posted June 7, 2006 Author Share Posted June 7, 2006 NEWS FLASH!!!!!www.fakeesnews.com is reporting that chomerics will be chairing The Committee to Elect Jeb Bush President in 2008! More details to follow! Anyone else try to click on that link? :laugh: :doh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HOF44 Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Unsonny would have to be a photographer for the National Enquirer or the Star! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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