Are your children safe? (Update)

[mistymjohnson]

Would you have reservations about putting your child on the bus if you thought this was going on???

(This letter was sent to the apropriate people)

***********************

I am the mother of a five-year-old little boy that attends Jefferson Elementary. For the past four days, my son has gotten off of his bus (#31) only to burst out into tears a few minutes later. He was allegedly receiving verbal abuse from his peers, and the bus monitor was doing little to nothing about this. Today, it took quite a while for him to calm down. I had finally seen my son suffer enough undo stress, and I felt something had to be done.

Please understand, I am neither naïve or ignorant to the fact that children distort facts, or can create a bogus circumstance to achieve a desired goal. So, with this in mind, I went to Birnie Bus Service in hopes of finding a resolution. The gentleman that I spoke with (whose name slips me at this moment) was VERY kind and handled this concern with delicacy and diplomacy. I commend him, as I know I can be difficult at times. He did make an identifying comment (that may help you to identify him), which was, “Everyone in this building answers to me!”

Once he heard my concern, he immediately downloaded this afternoon’s video onto a tape that we later viewed. Regarding the issue that I originally came for, there was not enough evidence to deny or support the claim. However, WE sat in complete shock for approximately 25 minutes of feed before we turned the video off, and discussed what we had just witnessed. What you will now hear will make you sick to your stomach if you are a parent entrusting Birnie Bus drivers with your children – I promise you!

The first thing that was noticed by the supervisor was the bus monitor sitting down with his face in his hands nearly the entire time. He stated that the job of a monitor is to walk up and down the aisle to ensure the children are following EVERY rule Birnie Bus Service has put in place. He went on to say that these rules are there for a reason. Next, he noticed the lollipops hanging out of children’s mouths. He cited the rule that there is to be no eating or drinking on the bus. I informed him that on this particular bus they are allowed such privileges. After I was told that it was okay by the monitor and driver, my son almost ritually boarded the bus in the morning with a hash brown and biscuit. This supervisor expressed apprehension with the lollipops, because busses are known to make sudden stops and foods of that nature definitely pose a potential danger. There was also enough screaming, goofing-off, and jumping around to be a distraction for the driver!

This gets better – At least 90% of the children stood up or remained standing while the bus was in motion. Only once was there a definite demand by the bus monitor for a specific child to sit (and this only came after a disturbance). However, the rest of the children were never directed to take their seats. We watched children jump up and down, switch seats, walk the length of the aisle… All while the bus was in motion. My stomach was in sheer knots! At one point, my son started crying on the bus. Both the bus monitor and a young girl who sat near the front of the bus went to my son (who sits near the back). My son was watching this video with us, and while doing so; he stated, “She is the bus monitor too.” I asked him what he meant by that, and he stated that there are three monitors on the bus. These monitors consisted of a young boy (who never sat down his entire bus ride), a young girl (who couldn’t make up her mind to sit or stand), and the official bus monitor (who apparently disregarded the gravity of his job or simply didn’t understand it).

I made it very clear that my son would NOT be on bus #31 Tuesday morning after I viewed this tape. It is not only dangerous for our children, but it is also illegal! He assured me that “This party will be over come Tuesday morning.” I want to believe him, but I really have a hard time getting these images out of my head. My concern is this – We viewed ONE tape from ONE bus for only ONE afternoon. The supervisor even stated that they would have never caught this had I not come in with my concern, but what about the other busses?

Please, understand that my aim is NOT to point fingers at Birnie Bus Service, but to shed light where apparently darkness abounds. My child was in danger today, and perhaps other days as well – Was yours?

Misty M. Johnson

[Gallen5862]

Misty you did the correct thing. I would not let a child get on that bus. The city and county and schoolboard needs to take action. I am glad you were able to protect your son and other kids.

[mistymjohnson]

*smiles* Thank you! My letter did not even do what we seen on the video justice. The head of transportation was in complete shock, and his assistant stood there with his jaw-dropped the entire time. You could tell that the driver was being distracted. When the kids in the front seats kept switching seats (rarely to never sitting)... Throwing toys and trash... The driver did say "Stop", and then something in his native language (He is bosnian as well as the monitor)... The monitor simply shook his head (as to say 'I give up'). But give up what? I feel bad, because it is DANGEROUS... Not to mention it is ILLEGAL!

Now, I am not stupid... And I most definitely remember my days on the school bus. We stood up (mostly to talk to the person(s) in front or behind you... However, we would have NEVER gotten away with a fraction of what was viewed on that tape. I promise you when I say that everyone viewing that tape yesterday had a sinking feeling in the pit of their stomach. :-( My only hope is that come Tuesday morning... It WILL be resolved. Not just on my son's bus, but on them all... for the sake of our children!

Misty -A HUGE child advocate-

[RonJeremy]

What you mentioned above and the fact they are no seatbelts on a bus is why I drive my son to school each morning.

[KingGibbs]

Unfortunately, what happened on that bus, probably happens on every bus. Children can be cruel. You couldn't pay me enough to drive a bus full of inconsiderate brats and I don't mean your child Misty. You did the right thing.

[mistymjohnson]

There are seatbelts on my son's bus! They do not make the children use them though. :-( My son knows that if he doesn't ride in my car without a seatbelt... He isn't going to ride on the bus without a seatbelt either! This is not negotiable in my house! (I am fortunate enough to have a child that will tell on himself if he makes a bad choice - like forget to wear his seatbelt).

Regarding the 'incosiderate brats' comment... WOW! That's a bit harsh, don't you think? It is my opinion that there are no bad children. Only children that make bad choices. Please, whatever you do... Don't think I am one of those push over mother's who think all children are perfect (especially hers), and you should never scold them. I AM the strictest parents I know. Anyway, a lot of those 'incosiderate brats' that you are referring to... Have no consistancy and a lack of discipline in their lives. For this, I blame the parents. The one thing that I learned since becoming a parent... A child will only do what he feels he is allowed to do! Of course, they are all going to test you at times... But if you are consistant... They DO learn!

[KingGibbs]

There are seatbelts on my son's bus! They do not make the children use them though. :-( My son knows that if he doesn't ride in my car without a seatbelt... He isn't going to ride on the bus without a seatbelt either! This is not negotiable in my house! (I am fortunate enough to have a child that will tell on himself if he makes a bad choice - like forget to wear his seatbelt).

Regarding the 'incosiderate brats' comment... WOW! That's a bit harsh, don't you think? It is my opinion that there are no bad children. Only children that make bad choices. Please, whatever you do... Don't think I am one of those push over mother's who think all children are perfect (especially hers), and you should never scold them. I AM the strictest parents I know. Anyway, a lot of those 'incosiderate brats' that you are referring to... Have no consistancy and a lack of discipline in their lives. For this, I blame the parents. The one thing that I learned since becoming a parent... A child will only do what he feels he is allowed to do! Of course, they are all going to test you at times... But if you are consistant... They DO learn!

Didn't mean to offend you, but I know plenty of kids who have strict parents that are still "inconsiderate brats".

[redskinslovergrl]

Misty, my husband and I live in Louisville KY and he used to drive for Jefferson County Public Schools. They have a strict policy about what goes on while riding a school bus. Bus drivers were told to stop the bus and pull off the road when children caused a disturbance or were moving from seats. There were many children that were not allowed to ride the bus for at least the rest of the school year because they caused some sort of distraction while bus was in motion.

I'm sorry to hear that your son (as well as other children) are subjected to these things. You did the right thing. It's parents like you who make a difference!!

[SUNSTONE]

Is that it? You're lucky.

When I rode the bus, there were no seat belts. There was no bus aid or moniter.

And kids didn't throw meanful words, they threw fists.

It's really hard for a bus driver to fix a problem in 20 minutes, when it took the parents years to mess up that child.

I have seen strict bus drivers, but I have seen them stop over and over trying to get them to listen. Or call the school to have a cop come out to pick that child up.

Reporting the problem is a good thing.

But..

Teaching your child how to handle a situation like that is even better.

Crying in front of other kids is not an option, for it will lead to more problems.

He should show no emotion, no attention to such problems.

And he needs to learn how to defend himself. This will save him from many troubles if the trouble makers see him as a stand up kid.

The adult life and child life is not much different. Both are filled with heartless, immature, insecure people that will step on you and hurt you.

He might as well learn that cold hard fact now, rather than later.

[KingGibbs]

Is that it? You're lucky.

When I rode the bus, there were no seat belts. There was no bus aid or moniter.

And kids didn't throw meanful words, they threw fists.

It's really hard for a bus driver to fix a problem in 20 minutes, when it took the parents years to mess up that child.

I have seen strict bus drivers, but I have seen them stop over and over trying to get them to listen. Or call the school to have a cop come out to pick that child up.

Reporting the problem is a good thing.

But..

Teaching your child how to handle a situation like that is even better.

Crying in front of other kids is not an option, for it will lead to more problems.

He should show no emotion, no attention to such problems.

And he needs to learn how to defend himself. This will save him from many troubles if the trouble makers see him as a stand up kid.

The adult life and child life is not much different. Both are filled with heartless, immature, insecure people that will step on you and hurt you.

He might as well learn that cold hard fact now, rather than later.

:applause:

[mistymjohnson]

This is my 100th post, and I am going to utilize it by giving yet another opinion... CHILDREN ARE NOT ADULTS! You cannot compare the life of a child to that of an adults! They are not emotionally, mentally, or even physically developed to handle situations like adults are... Pfft... Not even all adults act like they are emotionally, mentally, or even physically developed to handle situations either! Some adults act more like a child than actual children themselves.

First of all, my son is FIVE YEARS OLD. To say that he should show no emotion is ******* INSANE! You may act like you are in the Marines, but my five year old child is NOT! I encourage him to express his emotions PROPERLY. Was crying a bad thing? Nope, not at all. Was crying on the bus in front of bullies a bad thing? Yes, probably, but he is FIVE YEARS OLD! I am sure that when you were five... You cried too. If not, something was seriously wrong with you! What an idiotic statement to even suggest I (or anyone else) teach their child NOT to show emotion! I'm not raising Jefferey Dalmer or a basement bomb freak! I am raising a well-rounded young man who can freely express his emotions in a healthy way.

Is that it? In the video, I witnessed girls pulling hair (which it is my belief that any non-consentual violence is absolutely inexcusible... open fist or not). Wrong is wrong... And there is no "well... he only poked me"... And verbal abuse is JUST as bad (in some expert opinions... worse than physical abuse).

When I rode on the bus, I didn't have a seatbelt either. I turned out okay. My big issue is not really even about the seatbelt... But rather about the safety of the children. Just because you "think" you turned out okay (which some may differ in opinion)... Doesn't mean everyone else will. Also, when you rode the bus... Kids were different then than they are today. There was MORE respect in kids 20 years ago than there is today. Yes, we fought, were hateful at times, and the like... But now we are worried about knives being pulled on our children (which happened to my EIGHT year old niece - which nothing was done, and parents weren't even notified by school officials)... Kids going to school with guns killing other students and teachers... How in the H*LL can you compare NOW to THEN? You can't! And it is moronic to even think you can!

So, before you start thinking you actually posted something worthy... think again! You just don't treat children and adults the same... The reason there are so many laws distinguishing the two! DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (for the lack of a better term) - You know what... if we had an emoticon that had a kite... I would insert it <here> and suggest you go fly it! (But since we don't... I guess I can't do that)

* I can understand if my son was ten, and cried on the bus... But he is five and this is his first year in school. I refuse to raise my son to be emotionally detached from reality. He needs to feel his emotions, and then learn to work through them... That is the healthy approach... Not just deny yourself to show emotion altogether. So, I guess we can agree to disagree concerning parenting techniques.

[SUNSTONE]

There is a time to cry and there is a time to refrain from crying.

There is a time to fight, and a time to ignore.

Harmful words from a parent can do some serious damage.

But words from immature, insecure bullys should have ZERO effect on anyone.

But this takes skill, and this is a skill that should be learned by all. And it's not something you can learn in one day or one event.

The age of the child does not matter when trying to teach them about a certian problem.

The time to teach a child about a problem, is before or during the problem.

At 5 the child may have trouble understanding what you say, but that's why you need to TRAIN them in what they should do.

Training involves exercises or drills.

If it were me, I would do a drill where I was acting the part of the bully, and my child would respond in a wise way.

[mistymjohnson]

First of all... I DO go over these things with my son... And you assume my child is not learning to defend himself, but you couldn't be further from the truth. He is the youngest child at the boxing school (as some have seen here I am an avid boxing fan). I didn't send him there to learn how to defend himself (yet)... I sent him there to give him more structure and discipline. As a single mother, I can only give him so much. Is it enough? Of course it is, but if I can give him more than just enough... Why not?

There may not be a certain biological age requirement to teach your child something, but there is definitely a developmental age that is required to teach them ANYTHING! That is why we don't teach our first graders trigonomatry! But then again, you may have... considering your insane technique of dealing with things. As far as teaching my son how to deal with bullies... This is something we have gone over, and are going over again. He also belongs to a magnet school whose theme strictly forbids bullying (so they learn about it daily in their morning program). But he is FIVE YEARS OLD! This is his FIRST year in having to deal with this face on. He NEVER went to daycare or any other program. I felt as if he was MY child... And considering my job allowed me to take care of him... I did. I felt it was inapropriate for me to pawn my son off onto someone else to raise when I was perfectly capable.

I was speaking with a friend regarding the emotional status of children... And I will repeat something I said to him... You cannot constantly shut down your childs emotions, because they WILL find an outlet to express them - and chances are... You WON'T like it!

I did ask for an opinion in my original post... So, I can't be upset that someone suggested I turn my son into an emotionally muted human being. For goodness sake... Even Jesus wept - why can't we? However, I do find solace in the old cliche... Opinions are like ********... Everyone has one!

-Misty-

[twa]

Misty , You did the right thing in trying to correct the problems ,but I agree with the advice offered about teaching your child to control showing emotions in those type of situations.

There is a victim mentality that can develop in children that you must guard against,though it sounds like you are working to avoid that.

Unfortunately children at that age seem to sense weakness and will exploit it when possible and since we cannot protect them from it they must learn how to prevent it and deal with it.

Of course I raised a well adjusted Marine, so maybe I'm biased :laugh:

Good luck and God's speed.

[SUNSTONE]

:secret: ... walk away slowly...no sudden movements, and don't turn your back, on my signal. Ready?

[mistymjohnson]

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!! Can you tell I get *clearing throat* a little intense when it comes to children... especially MY child!?!?!

If my son turns out to be anything like me... he will be FAR from a pushover. I may be a Christian, but I am more of the "eye for an eye" instead of "turn the other cheek" kinda Christian. *grins* Thanks for making me laugh about it though, SandStone... err... SunStone!

[SUNSTONE]

:laugh:

[Jizmaglobin]

i have to agree with the show little emotion idea.not feel little emotion.show little emotion.alot of these growing-up issues get straightened out by brothers and sisters.Misty,does your 5 year old have other siblings?ultimately,your son is going to have to figure it all out by himself and about all you can do is try to help him understand the feelings associated with a given situation and give your best advice as to how to deal with it when he finds himself in a given situation.as far as age appropriate teaching,that is absurd.you have to teach when the lesson is pertainant to your child.when my daughter was 5 she asked me what a necropheliac was.she always asked the really tough questions.my point is that even though i was certain someone else had put it in her head she was standing in front of me waiting for an answer to her question.i never lied to any of my three kids and so told her the answer to her question was a person who liked to have sex with dead people.5 years old is not an appropriate age to be discussing all the social and mental implications of necrophelia however i had to teach her an adult lesson that day because she was questioning an adult concept.i chose to continue with the style i raised my kids with and that was 100% honesty always no matter how uncomfortable i felt about it.the end result being my 3 kids all talk to me about real things.real as in why does this hurt so much in my chest(heartache),the first time me and my friends ate mushrooms,scamming some kid outta some cards,getting pressed by a bully etc. etc. all very real subjects and all things my kids brought to me for better understanding because they believed i would give them straight answers to the best of my knowledge.alot of people say you cannot be your kids friend and thier parent but i say they are wrong.as thier friend you react and respond however you see fit to any given situation but you can definitely teach them the things you want them to learn and you can do it as thier friend and not thier superior.let them know that even when you disagree with them you are still on thier side and it is being on thier side that makes you disagree with them.always be real.always!but never condescending.teach them how to handle adult situations before they are cornered into something they can't handle.how can kids be expected to run with the big dogs so to speak if we never take em out jogging?expose them to things instead of shelter them from them.expose and then explain.then answer the questions honestly and without judgement.that's what friends do.teach them how to deal with any situation with the least amount of repercussions.and most importantly then let them handle the situation thier way with all the knowledge you can give them.there is no appropriate age to start.and to specifically touch on the bus incident it sounds like something you should monitor closely and see what kind of changes the bus company makes,if any,and do your best to explain to your son what you feel is good or bad about any situations he might run into.best of luck to you.

[mistymjohnson]

I too do NOT lie to my son... There is no Santa Clause (but he is a great story)... No Easter Bunny... And no darn Tooth Fairy. My poor kid! lol. So, like yourself, when asked a question... I give an honest answer! As you have read... This IS something I discuss with my son. My son does not typically cry. This is why I was shocked when four days in a row he came to ME and cried to ME! He did not get off of the bus crying... but instead cried to his mother (which is COMPLETELY acceptable... REAL MEN CRY!) However, when viewing the tape... I did see him cry on the bus. We DO discuss these issues... However, you guys are missing the point. He is FIVE YEARS OLD. He is NOT ALWAYS going to make a spot on decision... That is why it is called a LEARNING EXPERIENCE.

My son is not typically emotional, because that is always something we have worked on. My biggest pet peeve is whining, and complaining... So, I have instilled into my son at a very early age... This will NOT be tolerated in my house. If you are upset... Then tell me... Don't whine about it. Use your words, and express your feelings in a calm manner so that I am able to understand it. Nothing I can't stand more is to be in public and hear a child carrying on. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR... It just gets under my skin!!!!!! My son knows "THE look", and usually it will be given before he could ever attempt to finish a sideways comment.

I commend you on being blatantly honest with your children... It is not always easy, but WELL worth it in the long run. My son has never told me that he doesn't believe me, because it knows and expects to always get the truth from his mother!

I do however, find it inapropriate for a child in kindergarten to sit in the back unattended with four and fifth graders. They don't let them on the play on the playground together... Why would you let them sit together on a bus unattended? I know they thought it was being monitored, but since it is obviously not... That might be something they want to look into. It doesn't take much to rearrange the seating.

To whomever it was that talked about the inconvenience of stopping the bus... The LAW indicates that if a child stands, the driver must stop the bus. I know that this is inconvenient, but after a week of inconveniently pulling over, waiting for the principal/transportation supervisor/police to come pull you off of the bus (and suspend you from it), I doubt you have too many distractions. You have to lead by example! Not just face talk! Kids do NOT respect inconsistancy... They respect authority when they are given no other option. (You are speaking to a former child advocate for the runaway and homeless youth program, and we had a LOT of kids who thought they were bad *****).

[mistymjohnson]

I just wanted to let those who were interested in an update know that I went before the school board last night and read a prepared statement. There was a small blurb about it in the paper today (link), and I was promised a more in-depth report within the next two weeks.

Statement: (I'm not certain if this will c/p properly)

Utica City School District Board Meeting

January 24, 2006

My name is Misty Johnson. I am the mother of a five-year-old boy who attends Jefferson Elementary. On January 13th, my son came home and informed me that he had been verbally and physically harassed on the school bus. This was not the first incident he had reported to me. In my frustration with what appeared to be a lack of supervision on the bus, I went to the Birnie Bus Garage to speak with Mr. Eric Taylor, the terminal manager. After expressing my concerns regarding the issue at hand, Mr. Taylor offered to watch the video feed of my son’s bus from that afternoon with me. Due to the now obvious lack of supervision, we were not able to substantiate my son’s claims therefore leaving no option but to rule it as “unfounded”. Both Mr. Taylor, his assistant, and myself were appalled by the lack of control and management on this particular bus. We witnessed many school policies being abandoned and Birnie Bus Employees slacking in their duties. I felt my son’s welfare was not in the best interest of the two acting supervisors on this particular bus, and did not feel it was a safe environment for any of the children to be a partied to.

This exacting information was forwarded to Jefferson’s school principal, the superintendent’s office, Tim Birnie, and Mayor Julian. At this time, I would like to personally thank Mrs. Beck, Mrs. Skermont, and Mayor Julian for offering their support in regards to this matter.

On January 17th, I spoke directly with Mr. Taylor again to follow up on the safety and condition of my son’s bus. The outcome was not what Mr. Taylor had promised, however in all fairness, safety is no longer an issue in regards to the aforementioned bus. Fortunately, my concerns span out farther than that of my own child. I now have concerns regarding the remaining buses that are not being properly monitored.

To further demonstrate my concern, on January 19th, I happened to be behind a different Utica City School Bus operated by a Birnie Bus employee. The children in the back of the bus were literally wrestling in the aisle. Boys and girls were body slamming each other into the seats, and at one point, a child realized I was watching them and made undignified gestures towards me while pounding on the back door. The driver never pulled over to return order to his bus. Once the bus stopped at its’ designated school, I approached the driver who instructed me to state my case to the school principal. While speaking with the school principal in her office, the driver of the bus walked in and tried to start and argument with me. He went on to say that he knows how to control his kids, and didn’t feel they were doing anything wrong. In my observation, this driver did not understand his responsibilities as a school bus driver. My theory was and still is: If this is/was happening on my son’s bus, certainly it is happening on other buses as well.

What I am expecting from this School Board Meeting tonight, is validation for my concerns and a willingness by the school board to follow through with the two following things:

• Ensure that Birnie Bus Service is upholding their contract with the School District by maintaining a safe environment for our children.
  

·

Birnie Bus Service is under contract by Utica School District to safely transport our children to and from school under the direct guidelines of the District’s Code of Conduct, traffic laws regulated by the commissioner of Motor Vehicles and traffic laws regulated by the commissioner of education pertaining to pupil transportation.

·

School bus drivers and monitors are all responsible for reasonable behavior of students in transit (8 NYCRR § 156.3(d)). However drivers have no authority to suspend students for disorderly conduct. They

shall

report those students who violate established rules (Code of Conduct) to the school principal who should take appropriate action. It is my understanding that there has been a lack of reporting by the drivers and monitors for various reasons.

·

Examples of misconduct on the bus according to Utica City School District’s Code of Conduct):

·

Excessive noise;

·

Pushing and shoving;

·

Fighting;

·

Being out of seat;

·

Throwing objects;

·

Using vulgar language;

·

Defacing or destroying bus property

·

According to the UCSD Code of Conduct, all staff members are expected to provide a clean and safe environment. They are also charged to establish and enforce rules of behavior that are pertinent to the respective areas in which they meet their students which would be consistent with the guidelines established by the District’s Code of Conduct.

• The second point that I would like this school board to follow through with is to ensure accountability amongst our children when they disobey school rules.
  

·

The school bus is no different than being on school grounds. According to the UCSD Code of Conduct, it defines the school bus as school property therefore the same rules and guidelines do apply.

·

Disciplinary Penalties, Procedures, and Referrals as outlined by the UCSD Code of Conduct:

·

Verbal Warning;

·

Written Warning;

·

Written Notification to Parents;

·

Detention;

·

Suspension from Transportation;

·

Our School District has a zero-tolerance policy for Violent Conduct, and I would like to make sure that this is maintained. When my son’s case was brought to the attention of different administrative staff within the school district, I was saddened by the responses.

·

“Kids are going to do these things. I was bullied when I was in school.” This may be true, but that does

NOT

make it okay!

·

“This is a sign of the times.” I happen to adopt this theory myself, but unfortunately, it is being used as an excuse to not maintain accountability within the appropriate governing bodies.

Please allow me to state that I am in no way, shape, or form placing blame with Utica City School District. My concerns are for the children’s well being when they are aboard a Utica City School Bus contracted by Birnie Bus Service. I feel it is my duty as a parent to ensure the safety of my child, and as a Christian, the safety of all children around me. I implore this school board to help Birnie Bus Service better maintain the safety ofour children.

[Kilmer17]

I believe in the Bill Russell form of defense.

You throw one hard elbow and break a nose, and nobody will push you around in the paint again.

[mistymjohnson]

Since this incident... I have reiterated to my son... Don't let me catch you starting fights... But you had darn better well finish them! Even though, it really isn't fair to my son, because we know the kids who were doing this to him were Fourth and Fifth graders (He is in kindergarten)... Imagine the surprise when they try it again and he pops them in the nose and/or groin'. *giggles* I will throw him a party the day his school calls me because he is fighting back and gets in trouble! (I've never been the 'turn the other cheek' kinda gal)...

We have also talked about his crying on the bus. Though he is standing firm that it only happened that day... It still is not acceptable. By the way, for those of you who followed this from the beginning... I NOW know why it bothered him so much that day... Along with his toy that was broken and lost... He was given or won a ring at school (some sort of superhero ring)... anyway, that too was broken. He was so upset, because he wanted to bring that ring home to me and do the 'gentleman thing' and ask me to marry him! LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My poor kid seriously needs some more men in his life!

[dks1240]

i may not have read in enough detail and missed this, but did you not first speak to the bus driver about your son's harassment?

[Mr. S]

i may not have read in enough detail and missed this, but did you not first speak to the bus driver about your son's harassment?

not to say I would know, but if the bus driver is already letting the other kind of behavior go, like kids running around and whatnot, then chances are he/she does not care enough as it is. I know most bus drivers I had would stop the bus and yell at us if even 2 kids moved around while the bus was moving.

I have noticed kids lately, even raised in strict households, still have more liberties than I or my friends did when in elementary school. I worked at a child care place the last 2 summers, and it was rediculous how bad some of these kids got. They did fear their parents, but just add one rabble rouser, and they went off the hook.

[GSF]

There is a time to cry and there is a time to refrain from crying.

There is a time to fight, and a time to ignore.

Harmful words from a parent can do some serious damage.

But words from immature, insecure bullys should have ZERO effect on anyone.

But this takes skill, and this is a skill that should be learned by all. And it's not something you can learn in one day or one event.

The age of the child does not matter when trying to teach them about a certian problem.

The time to teach a child about a problem, is before or during the problem.

At 5 the child may have trouble understanding what you say, but that's why you need to TRAIN them in what they should do.

Training involves exercises or drills.

If it were me, I would do a drill where I was acting the part of the bully, and my child would respond in a wise way.

Do you have kids? Her boy is 5. There aren't many 5 year olds out there that aren't affected by bullies' insults.

I have 3 kids, including a 5 year old son. My boy is all boy, and a pretty tough little dude, but if enough kids were picking on him on the bus, he would probably cry. I'm constantly telling my kids to not listen to other kids' insults, to stand up to bullies, and to protect other kids from bullies. Kids can be brutal though, especially when they decide to gang up on a kid. One of the toughest things I've ever gone through as a parent was hearing from my daughter about kids picking on her at school. She's very sensitive, and it really hurt her.

From my experience, putting your kids on the school bus is a real crap shoot. Some are good, some are terrible. The bus I rode to middle school was much worse than the one described in this thread. Bullying and fights were commonplace, and the busdriver, who looked like the busdriver from the Simpsons, never did anything. We're lucky now though b/c my kids have a great bus driver who keeps things under control without any help from a monitor. If the kids get to wild on the bus, she'll proclaim "silent bus" for a week, and if any kids really give her a tough time, she just informs the parents that their kid is now a car rider. She also takes the time to meet all of the parents in the beginning of the school year, which I think really helps. Kids tend to behave if they know the busdriver has no problem talking to their parents.

I think you did the right thing sticking up for your son Misty. Your actions might lead to a much easier bus ride for a lot of kids getting picked on in that school system. I would try to talk to your son about not crying on the bus though. Once the bullies see him crying, they'll only go after him more. tough situation for any parent.