codeorama Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Just curious, how are you around your family, do you say what's on your mind? Or do you do the "polite" PC thing like you might do around others? My brother and I got into an argument the other day, I guess because I'm too blunt. I don't pull punches. He thinks I'm talking down to him, where as that's not the case at all, I just give my opinion straight up. He says I don't do the same thing to the drummer in our band and I explained that the drummer is HIS friend, not mine and I don't feel comfortable enough around him yet to say exactly what's on my mind. I HATE people that patronize. I hate asking for an opinion and getting the "oh yeah, that sounds great blah blah blah" BS that you get. My brother admits that he patronizes when he doesn't agree with me and I told him IMO, that was worse than saying "I hate this or don't agree etc.." I can understand patronizing someone you don't know, but even then, I try not to do it. Maybe it's my job compared to his coming out, I don't know, but how many of you have come across anything like this. Should you patronize your family members? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leonard Washington Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 no, but my family rarely talks to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
codeorama Posted June 14, 2005 Author Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by Leonard Washington no, but my family rarely talks to me. Maybe you should patronize them more...:laugh: :doh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mufumonk Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by codeorama Just curious, how are you around your family, do you say what's on your mind? Or do you do the "polite" PC thing like you might do around others? My brother and I got into an argument the other day, I guess because I'm too blunt. I don't pull punches. He thinks I'm talking down to him, where as that's not the case at all, I just give my opinion straight up. He says I don't do the same thing to the drummer in our band and I explained that the drummer is HIS friend, not mine and I don't feel comfortable enough around him yet to say exactly what's on my mind. I HATE people that patronize. I hate asking for an opinion and getting the "oh yeah, that sounds great blah blah blah" BS that you get. My brother admits that he patronizes when he doesn't agree with me and I told him IMO, that was worse than saying "I hate this or don't agree etc.." I can understand patronizing someone you don't know, but even then, I try not to do it. Maybe it's my job compared to his coming out, I don't know, but how many of you have come across anything like this. Should you patronize your family members? I come from an Irish/Italian family, so speaking our minds sort of came naturally. We're not ones to sugar coat anything. We tell it like it is, and if we don't like it, tough ****. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leonard Washington Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by codeorama Maybe you should patronize them more...:laugh: :doh: i know!:laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beaudry Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Yes, patronize them. Life works a hella lot smoother if you do. If you want blunt, brual honestly you come to this place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoCommiesGo Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 My pops taught me to be up front with people. I am in my family but I try not to be a dick when I do it. We all tell each other what where thinking but we don't yell at each other. We talk it out both of my parents are high level goverment managers so their pretty good at getting ideas across. My grandmother on the other is straight from the hip I love that women. My friend came over to borrow a nice dress shirt one time and she said "Mike your not taking another fat girl out are you?" Great moment in Nana history. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joeythetapeworm Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by GoSkinsGo My grandmother on the other is straight from the hip I love that women. My friend came over to borrow a nice dress shirt one time and she said "Mike your not taking another fat girl out are you?" Great moment in Nana history. :laugh: I want your Grandma! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoCommiesGo Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by Joeythetapeworm :laugh: I want your Grandma! She got my bestfriend one time we were walking in she looked at him and went "Aaron the people you see when you don't have a gun." I lost it, that was a good one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Om Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Code, my brother, This is a really stupid idea for a thread and I'm surprised and disappointed you'd post it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyingtiger1013 Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Patronize, maybe. But I have certainly wanted to use a BLUNT object on them many times! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gbear Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Honestly, it depends on who I am talking to. Different people in my family respond to different techniques. My mom requires the kitten gloves or she just goes and pouts. Unfortuantely this can last a long time. My wife...I can't be blunt enough. I mean she's going to be angry, upset, or annoyed regardless so it's better to just have it out front :-). It keeps the disagreements on topic. When I try subtle with her, we end up prattling on about some other subject not even related to what I wanted to say in the first place...then we get to have the awkward moment all over again when we get back on point. Usually when I try the diplomatic approach (prefer that to "patronizing") she just gets mad that I'm not saying what Im thinking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beaudry Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by Joeythetapeworm :laugh: I want your Grandma! That's definately one of those things you shouldn't be so open about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
big z Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 every family member is different. some like blunt, some need more fluff around the bluntness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
codeorama Posted June 14, 2005 Author Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by Om Code, my brother, This is a really stupid idea for a thread and I'm surprised and disappointed you'd post it. :laugh: :laugh: :notworthy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Die Hard Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 My wife hates it.... but I pride myself on being brutally honest and upfront. And I expect others to be the same towards me. Cut out the B.S. Let's get to the root of what we need to get at. And let's not waste any time doing so. I worked for an I.T. company where we'd spend more time READING AND REREADING every damn email to make sure it wouldn't be interpreted negatively (even though the damn email was supposed to tell the person they screwed up or we're falling behind badly). To me, that's a waste of time. You can be honest... without being a butthole about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
codeorama Posted June 14, 2005 Author Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by Die Hard My wife hates it.... but I pride myself on being brutally honest and upfront. And I expect others to be the same towards me. Cut out the B.S. Let's get to the root of what we need to get at. And let's not waste any time doing so. I worked for an I.T. company where we'd spend more time READING AND REREADING every damn email to make sure it wouldn't be interpreted negatively (even though the damn email was supposed to tell the person they screwed up or we're falling behind badly). To me, that's a waste of time. You can be honest... without being a butthole about it. Totally agree. I understand being PC and all to people you don't know, but your family is a different thing. I'm not talking about being and ass, but just being honest. We are recording a demo and he is the singer in our band, he changed the melody to a part of the song and I said exactly "I don't like what you did there, but if you are 100% sure that's what you want, then we'll leave it". He kept pushing trying to make me understand where he was coming from and he wanted to get the opinion of the drummer etc.. I told him "You don't need any other opinions, you need to make the decision yourself, obviously, because we are still having this conversation, you are not sold on it" Long story short, he flips out saying I always talk down to him, I corrected him, I talk down to everyone... :laugh: (I don't really, but I was agitated that we were arguing over something I really didnt' care all that much about). Everything is fine now, we are over it, but everytime anything gets tense, he always cops an attitude saying I talk down to him etc. I finally said, "Look, if there's something I say that you are not sure of my meaning or intention, then ask, don't assume, IMO, I'm being pretty blunt and to the point" I really think that because HE patronizes people, he thinks that I'm thinking something even worse than what I'm saying, which isn't true... Oh well, It's good to vent.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
illone Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 I think it depends on the person you are dealing with. Some people can handle the brutal honest truth more than others. My mom is one of those people who I just can't be brutal with. I have to present things in a much softer way even though I'd really like to say SHUT UP MOM QUIT BEING EMOTIONAL!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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