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The Daily Planet: Superman arrested for improper use of "X-ray vision." Lex Luthor goes on crime spree.


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Jan 25 2011

By: Lois Lane


Well, it was up, up and "put away" for one of the greatest Americans to ever save the planet.

"Superman," also now known as Clark Kent, reporter for the Daily Planet, was arrested yesterday on various charges ranging from- disorderly conduct, resisting arrest and unlawful entry into the US.

Kent had been spotted on a beach in southern California, sitting on the sand and, as eyewitnesses claim, ogling women as they walked past.

"It was disgusting!" claimed a witness who can not be identified do to the nature of the crime, "I mean....everybody KNOWS he has X-ray vision!"

Lex Luthor, arch rival of Superman, took the opportunity to to go on a national crime spree without fear of capture while "Superman" is being held "without bail," as an "enemy of National security."

"I can't believe it" lamented a reflective and emotionally overwrought Superman. "I save the world like....every week and THIS is what I get?"

Villains have come out of the woodwork to offer evidence against the "man of steal" and prosecutors are putting a case together, based almost entirely on the sworn testimony of convicted felons.

The State's Attorney has been urging other "victims" to come forward, promising stuffed lobster, cool ass kicks and season tickets to the "team of their choice" to help out the alleged victims in their time of need.

Urg! What's next....Wonder Woman turning tricks?


Oh, for the love of god.....


Update: Superman just released pending trial. Must wear cheesy tracking-device thing on his ankle. He's not looking too well....


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