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Dallas Cowboys Jokes

VAHOGFAN

By VAHOGFAN
in The Stadium

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VAHOGFAN

VAHOGFAN

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Threads are looking slow tonight so if figured I should liven it up with some Cowboy jokes. I'll start it off with a joke and hope we can keep it going. It does'nt have to be original, it just has to have the Dallas Cowboys in it. OK here's my Cowboy joke:

Two Dallas Cowboys are "doing it" in the the locker room. Coach Parcells walks in and says "what is going on in here?". One player says "my team mate was overcome by the heat at practice and stopped breathing". Coach Parcells says "well how come you did'nt give him mouth to mouth CPR". The player says "I did, that's how this all got started". :D

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BlitzFiftySix

BlitzFiftySix

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1. Michael Irvin was recently pulled over for suspicion of driving under the influence. When the officer asked him to walk the white line along side the highway, he misunderstood and dropped to his hands and knees and attempted to snort it.

2. I heard Jerry Jones was considering changing the Cowboys playing surface from artificial to natural because he was told they would perform better on "grass".

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BlitzFiftySix

BlitzFiftySix

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A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Dallas Cowboy fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they're Cowboy fans too. Not really knowing much about football let alone the Dallas Cowboys but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks

There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd.

The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a Cowboy fan." "Then," asks the teacher, "What team do you root for?" "Why I'm a proud Washington Redskins fan," boasts the little girl.

The teacher is perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a rebel. "Well, my mom and dad are Redskins fans, so I'm a Redskins fan, too."

The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"

A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Kristen, "I'd be a Cowboy fan."

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BlitzFiftySix

BlitzFiftySix

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1. What do you call a drug ring in Dallas?........A huddle.

2. Four Dallas Cowboys in a car, who's driving?......The police.

3. Why can't Michael Irvin get into a huddle on the field anymore?...It is a parole violation for him to associate with known felons.

4. Doctors say because of Michael Irvin's broken clavicle, it will be 6-8 weeks before he can video a team mate having sex.

5. I understand Chicago is trying to sign Michael Irvin. They got rid of the refrigerator, so now they want a coke machine.

6. The Dallas newspapers reported yesterday that Texas Stadium is going to take out the artificial turf because the Cowboys play better on "grass".

7. The Dallas Cowboys adopted a new "Honor System", Yes your Honor, No your Honor.

8. The Cowboys had a 12 and 5 season this year, 12 arrests, 5 convictions.

9. The Cowboys knew they had to do something for their defense, so they hired a new defensive coordinator: Johnny Cochran

10. How do the Dallas Cowboys spend their first week at spring training? Studying the Miranda Rights.

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jukinjim

jukinjim

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Two boys were playing football (in Wash DC area) in a park ,when one boy is savagely attacked by a rottweiler.Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a plank from a nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dogs neck.

A reporter,who was strolling by , sees the incident and rushes over to interview the boy.

"Washington Redskin fan saves friend from vicious animal", he starts writing in his notebook.

"But I'm not a Redskins fan", the boy says

"Baltimore Ravens fan rescues friend from attack," the reporter starts again

"I'm not a Ravens fan either." the boy replied

"Then what are you?" the reporter asks

"I'm a Cowboy fan!"

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes "Redneck **** kills family pet."

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jukinjim

jukinjim

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Dallas Cowboy IQ Test

Barry Switzer, clearly upset about the Dallas Cowboy's losing record, decides to find out from Steve Mariucci what his secret is. So, Switzer travels up to a 49'ers practice and asks Mariucci, "Coach, how is it that your team is so good? What's your secret?"

Mariucci responds by calling Steve Young over. "Steve, who's your father's brother's nephew?" Young answers, "Why coach, that's easy. It's me." Mariucci turns to Switzer and says, "That's the secret, Barry. A smart quarterback. You've got to have a smart quarterback."

Thinking he's finally got all the tools he needs, Switzer returns to Texas and the Cowboys work-out. He promptly calls over Troy Aikman. "Aikman! Who's your father's brother's nephew?" Troy looks perplexed, thinks a minute and says, "Coach, can I get back to you after practice on that one?" Switzer (disgusted) says, "OK."

During practice, Aikman calls over Deion Sanders. "Deion, coach just asked me the weirdest question. Who's your father's brother's nephew?" Sanders: "Duh! That's easy. It's me!"

After practice, Aikman catches up with Switzer: "Coach, I think I've got it. My father's brother's nephew is Deion Sanders."

Switzer (angry): "No, No, NO! You idiot!! It's Steve Young!!!"

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jukinjim

jukinjim

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A guy walks into a Dayton bar with a Rotweiler by his side. The dog is wearing a Dallas Cowboys jersey and helmet, and is festooned with Cowboys pom pons. The bartender says, "Hey! No pets are allowed in here! You'll have to leave!"

The guy begs him: "Look, I'm desperate. We're both big fans, the TV is broken, and this is the only place around where we can see the game!"

After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that he and the dog will be thrown out if there's any trouble, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game.

The big game begins with the Cowboys receiving the kickoff. They march down field, get stopped at about the 30, and kick a field goal. With that the dog jumps up on the bar, and begins walking up and down the bar giving high-fives to everyone.

The bartender says, "Wow, that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! What does the dog do if they score a touchdown?"

The owner replies, "I don't know, I've only had him for 4 years."

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jukinjim

jukinjim

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A man enters an antique shop in a small town called Hamlyn. Most of the items in the shop are vastly over priced or just too tacky for him to want at home. After a short while browsing his eye falls onto a particularly ugly golden rat.

"How much of the rat" he asks the shop keeper. "Well the rat is tweny pounds, but the instruction booklet is fifty pounds" he replies. "I'll just take the rat thanks" says the man. "OK, but don't say I didn't warn you" says the shop keeper.

After completing the transaction the man places the rat in his back pack, leaves the shop and sets off home on his bike.

A mile out of town he stops for a rest and is surprised to notice a rat running along the road towards him. He decides to set off to avoid the rat. After 1/2 mile he looks back and is shocked to see 20 rats following. He speeds up on his bike, but is even more shocked after a few hundred yards when the size of the rat group following has grown to 100. After 5 miles the number of rats following has grown to thousands and the man is very concerned. Pedalling as fast as he can he attempts to outpace the rats, but is horrified to notice more and more joing the pursuit.

As he reaches the bridge on the outskirts of town he realises that the golden rat must be attracting them and quickly removes it from his back pack. As he is on the bridges he doe the first thing that comes into his mind and throws the golden rat into the raging water below. Immediately all the following rats hurl themselves off the bridge and die horrible deaths in the torent below.

30 minutes later the man has returned to the antique shop with a determined look on his face.

"I suppose you have come back for the instructions - I did warn you" says the shop keeper.

"**** the instructions" says the man

"How much is the golden cowboys fan?"

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jukinjim

jukinjim

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There's a guy from Washington, DC (Redskins fan) driving from DC to Dallas, and a guy from Dallas (Cowboys fan) driving from Dallas to DC. In the middle of the night with no other cars on the road they hit each other head on and both cars go flying off in different directions. The Redskins fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I am really lucky to be alive!"

Likewise the Cowboys fan scrambles out of his car and looks at the wreckage. He too says to himself, "I can't believe I survived this wreck!" The Cowboy fan walks over to the Redskin and says, "Hey man, I think this is a sign from God that we should put away our differences and live as friends instead of arch rivals. The Redskin fan thinks for a moment and says, " You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. Now I'm going to see what else survived this wreck."

So the Redskins fan pops open his trunk and finds a full unopened bottle of Jack Daniels. He says to the Cowboys fan, "I think this is another sign from God that we should toast to our newfound understanding and friendship."

The Cowboys fan says, "You're damn right!" and grabs the bottle and starts sucking down Jack Daniels. After putting away nearly half of the bottle the Cowboys fan hands it back to the Redskins fan and says, "Your turn!"

The Redskins fan twists the cap back on the bottle and says, "Nahh, I think I'll wait for the cops to show up."

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