More Custody Stuff - Rant - Venting

[TMK9973]

Bang- Sorry man. You are wrong. Child support and custody are different and do not effect each other.  Period.  The judge could rip into her for not paying, garnish her wage, take away her drivers licence, threaten jail, and then take a deep breath and will give her some custody.  This is a fact.  

In addition - The OP will get lectured for not following up on the CS and filling out the paperwork for the state to go collect.  Man -Go do that. If anything -It might scare her. But 100% go to the state CS services and do the paper work and let them deal.

 

Next -I understand how emotional this is.  But she is right on some things. She is his mom. You both are the parents. You need to encourage him to have some relationship with his mom.  Listen -I understand where you are coming from and I get it.  If you are looking for emotional support, ok. Go for it.  I'll butt out. If you are looking for advice -Im telling you from a outside perceptive, it looks like you are playing keep away.  I KNOW you aren't..im saying how it looks.  A relationship with his mom is going to be more important then any tournament at 10.  

 

Next -Unless I missed it - Do you have ANY thing in writing. What exactly is your decree say?  You state "The first 2 year decides..." Not sure who told you that but its not true. What decides custody is what is in the decree.  Period.  Now - Status quo DOES have major effect.  What has been practice, what has been the norm, how are the kids doing. But you need to get that in writing. Example -After my divorce my decree only gave me 35%, however in practice we went 2 years where i had 50/50.  So - After 2 years -I filed for a change of custody based on status quo.  Won easily, but nothing was enforceable UNTIL I went back to court and won and had the judge sign off.

 

Next - If she go to court -In VA - she will win some custody.  Unless she is a danger to the child, it will happen.  Start figuring out what that will look like.  what you want it to look like.  Perhaps negotiate with her now and have her sign a new agreement with what you want (THEN get a judge to sign it!).

 

Finally -Go to http://forum.mensdivorce.com/

These guys are great and have gone thru all of this before. Not to mention they have more courtroom experience then 100 lawyers and will walk you thru exactly what will happen and what argument to use.  Warning -You want emotional support, or someone to tell you not to worry and you are right -Thats not the place. They will challenge you on everything, push and push, and give it straight. Its exactly what her lawyer would do and they prepare you and get you ready to make your case.  (Although re-reading your post..I think you may already know this...did you already post there?)

 

Edit - F it man..I guess since its the same username it was you!!  I guess you didnt like what they had to say. No one does at first.  But trust me - if you go back to that thread and go with "I hear you...now tell me what to do" they will give you the best advice you could ever hear...

[SoCalSkins]

Visitation and child support are seperate issues. Courts favor meaningful relationships between a child and both parents. You are likely not going to prevent a court from granting her visitation based on her failure to pay in the past.

2 weeks is not a long time. Family court gets absurdly expensive and everyone goes through a difficult time. If you can work it out with her it would be the best for everyone involved. You are very unlikely to get a better result in court. Get an opinion from a family law attorney, but nothing you describe would prevent a court granting her visitation for most of the summer. No court is going to mandate that a 10 year old can't fly on a plane alone. Typical age cut off is 5 and no court is likely going to mandate that she visit in Va instead of Fl.

You have the situation pretty much in your favor in terms of visitation schedule at this point. Don't overplay your hand and end up in court because it is not going to go in your favor. Talk to your son about and make it seem more positive and work out the 2 weeks.

[Lombardi's_kid_brother]

Just to follow-up on the last post....that dude is kind of right. I don't do family law, but I know enough to be dangerous.

 

1. Child support and visitation rights are two separate matters and need to be handled in two separate hearings. A parent who tries to use one of these to punish a parent with the other is likely to find themselves explaining to a judge why they should not be held in contempt of court. Now it's your right to go after the back payments, but there is very little likelihood that you are going to block a child's mother out of his life doing this.

 

2. The standard in these cases is not the child's preference but rather the "best interest of the child." Family court judges will listen to the child to some degree, but they aren't going to make it the determining factor. A family court judge I once knew told me that up until about 8 or 9 years, she ignores the child's preference. From 9 to 15 or so, she will listen some. Around 16, it's basically up to the kid. But all judges are different. If I were a judge and heard a ten year tell me all the reasons he doesn't want to see mommy, I would likely think - rightly or wrongly - that the kid was coached.