JMS Posted April 28, 2011 Author Share Posted April 28, 2011 With all due respect, I have three words... What the ****? How could this possibly hurt her career at all? What is this country coming to when reporting sexual harassment can hurt you? IMO, that guy should be severely disciplined for doing that. Well I don't disagree with you... My first reaction would be to throw him through a wall. My friend is in her early 40's and believes filing a report would end her career. Her words not mine. The military is a small and oldfashioned clique. My friend sought the council of a career government worker who she trusts who confirmed that opinion. It would end his military career and would likewise stop her advancement. Like two pieces of anti matter they would take each other out. ---------- Post added April-28th-2011 at 12:01 AM ---------- I hope she stands up for herself. And the fact that she is having these second thoughts means that women in the workplace haven't come very far after all. So for those of you with mothers, sisters, daughters, nieces, granddaughters or any female relative in the workplace, the education must continue or we won't be safe. My friend is a very confident and competent person. She's about as high up in the government as a person can go and not be a political appointee or an SES. (senior executive service). I think this guy is going to come back at her. I think if she does nothing it's an open invitation for him to come back at her because what will she say after round 2... He did it before but I was silent? She's got to buck up and throw down on this guy, She thinks she has options but she really doesn't. ---------- Post added April-28th-2011 at 12:08 AM ---------- ^^^ Did you say something to him ? I always think that is a good starting point. I don't know the guys name and my friend says she doesn't either. He was with the folks who invited her to the lunch not on the invite himself. She's going to find out and at a minimum I want to go speak to him.. But trying to be smart here the only play we have is to report him. Really anything we do other than that plays into his hands... Even things that would otherwise feel justified in doing. ---------- Post added April-28th-2011 at 12:11 AM ---------- It's CERTAINLY not the norm in workplaces across the country. We are MILES from where we've been as far as intimidation/manipulation/sexual advances in the work place, . I would have agreed with you a few days ago. Not so sure now. People My friend and I know are telling us this is a career ending opprotunity for her. That doesn't suggest we've come nearly as far as I thought we had. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron78 Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 I have a friend who is a civilian woman in a senior leadership position with the federal gov who works with a lot of military personal. She's not a political appointee or anything like that.Anyway she was out to lunch with a group of officers and one cornell started to rub her butt from behind. Nobody could see. When he went for under the skirt leg grope she turned and smacked him on the side of the head. Now the officer is threatening to report her for striking him and she is unsure what to do. I told her to report him cause he likely has a history. Any suggestions. She's worried about her career first and this second, I'm thinking that's the wrong play. I think your friend is lying about the whole incident. It never happened. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Special K Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 I would have agreed with you a few days ago. Not so sure now. People My friend and I know are telling us this is a career ending opprotunity for her. That doesn't suggest we've come nearly as far as I thought we had. Not saying we are in utopia and us women no longer have ceilings we can still break, but we have it a lot better than some people are making it out to be in this thread. The fact that she legitimately thinks this would end her career to report a SEXUAL ASSAULT says more about the government entity she is working for and her supervisors than it does about women's rights in the "workplace." Obviously I don't know all the details of this situation, but I think she is being extremely foolish for backing down and not standing up to this jerk. No one, especially a smart, competent female that you claim she is, should allow an ******* to assault her and threaten her into submission. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
renaissance Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 It's really sad that this even has to be a question. And yes, she needs to report him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pointyfootball Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 I understand her dilemma. She obviously would like to see the guy punished, and most likely recognizes that if he'll do this to someone he doesn't know, over LUNCH, he will definitely do it again, and potentially cause more emotional and/or physical pain. Looking back 10 years ago, I know someone very close to me who faced a very similar decision. Her boss (GS-14) harrassed her (GS-13) repeatedly and would never listen to her saying to "stop it". Wasn't as much sexual assault as this case as others, more along the lines of continually asking her out, inappropriate comments/invites/etc., all while both were married (obviously to others). She feared the reputation she would get, as no single instance of his behavior seemed "that bad", so she avoided him as much as possible and took a lateral move to another position. 10 years later, he is now SES (!) and stories have come out about him acting similarly to other women (many other women). So, he is now in a position of extremely high authority/power. And, I would expect he's not changed very much. The reason I can understand your friend not wanting to say anything is there will be a good amount of people who will take his side, even without knowing any of the details. Things they will say: * "what happened was no big deal" * "should have just ignored it" * My favorite: "she led him/them on" * "she's just trying to get attention Her bosses very well might think she's "trouble" and not give her opportunities they might give others in the future, which would be hard for her to prove. Management normally doesn't want people working for them that cause them "headaches", and even though she was the victim and totally in the right in filing a complaint, they might not be sympathetic towards her and instead approach it as her being a high-maintenance employee. I hope for other women's sake she does file a complaint. I also hope she does not see a negative backlash for doing so, as she certainly doesn't deserve it. Best of luck to her, PF Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pointyfootball Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 I think your friend is lying about the whole incident. It never happened. This is what she will have to overcome, unless there was an honest person there who will support her claim. Anyone associated with military think the other officers will give honest report? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chipwhich Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 Need more information. Not sure why she wouldn't report him. A colonel in the military has no authority over a civilian federal employee. She is not in the military and not under his thumb. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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