Jump to content
Washington Football Team Logo
Extremeskins
Forum Rules and Guidelines

You're all worthless and weak (CHFF NFC analysis)

darklight1216

By darklight1216
in Around the NFL

Recommended Posts

darklight1216

darklight1216

Posted
Posted

Every year when NFL training camps are in session, fans from all across pigskin planet fantasize about their team hoisting the Lombardi trophy at the season's conclusion. In reality there is 96.9 percent change that your team's season will end in failure. Some team is going to beat the odds, but it probably won't be yours.

Here's why:

Dallas

... You will NEVER win until you find a new coach.

The Cowboys website heaps praise upon Phillips, who has enjoyed his fair share of regular season success. In fact, here’s what they say: "His .592 career winning percentage in the regular season is sixth-best among active NFL head coaches with five-or-more years of head coaching experience entering the 2008 season. He trails Tony Dungy (.661), Mike Holmgren (.613), Bill Belichick (.611), Andy Reid (.611) and Mike Shanahan (.605) on the list of winningest active NFL head coaches in the regular season.”

Good stuff.

But that’s where the similarities end. Dungy, Holmgren, Belichick and Shanahan boast seven Super Bowl titles between them. Reid has won an incredible 10 playoff games over the past 10 years. Phillips has won one (1!) playoff game in his 10 years as a head coach.

So clearly, there’s something very, very wrong here. And the thing that’s wrong with Dallas is a head coach who spits the bit every year when the pressure gets high late in the season; a coach who spits the bit so badly, for example, that he might be inclined to bench the quarterback who led his team to a 10-5 record for an unknown passer just days before the playoffs.

The problem has rubbed off on his quarterback, too: Tony Romo sits to pee is, after all, the new Peyton Manning. He’s the guy who puts up big numbers in the regular season and can’t get it done in the postseason. It's the head coach and quarterback who bear the bulk of the burden for the dreadful 34-3 playoff loss to the Vikings last year. Expect more of the same as long as Phillips is your head coach.

N.Y. Giants

Lawrence Taylor and Michael Strahan aren’t walking through that door, Giants fans … well, unless you’re reading this from prison. In which case, yes, there’s a good shot that LT is walking through the door.

In any case, one of the statistical trends that’s most amazed us over the past few seasons is the evisceration of the once-mighty Defensive Hogs who carried the Giants to their shocking Super Bowl victory in 2007.

Back then, the G-Men easily ranked No. 1 in our Defensive Hog Index – a dominant group that humbled the league’s three greatest passing attacks in three amazing postseason weeks: first the Cowboys, then the Packers and then, of course, the undefeated Patriots. Fast-forward two seasons, and New York’s 2009 Defensive Hogs defined mediocrity.

The Giants won their three Super Bowls with dominant Defensive Hogs. The 2010 Giants do not have a dominant group of Defensive Hogs. You do the math.

Philadelphia

The Kevin Kolb Era is here! The Kevin Kolb Era is here. The Kevin Kolb Era is here???

Notoriously brutal and pathetic Eagles fans never quite warmed to Donovan McNabb, reminding us along the way of the notoriously brutal and pathetic Red Sox fans...

In the case of Eagles fans, we have full faith that they’ll soon realize the error of their belligerent anti-McNabb ways. For all his flaws, McNabb is the organization’s most successful quarterback since Norm Van Brocklin, and the Eagles were the NFC’s most dominant team of the past decade under this rocky leadership. Kolb? He’s started two games in three NFL seasons and there’s little in his background to indicate legit NFL No. 1.

What, don’t we remember that McNabb blew it against the Patriots in the Super Bowl? Yes, folks, we do.

We also remember that, around the time that McNabb was losing his lunch in the Super Bowl, Kolb and his Houston Cougars were losing against the Rainbow Warriors in the Hawaii Bowl, against the Jayhawks in the Fort Worth Bowl and against the Game****s in the Liberty bowl.

Washington

Dan Snyder isn’t walking through that door, Redskins fans!

Oh, wait … he is. Sorry. Our bad.

On the bright side, the Jim Zorn and Albert Haynesworth signings went so well – just like every other Snyder deal – what could possibly go wrong in 2010? We mean, it's not like the Redskins traded away a bunch of draft picks for an aging QB or anything.

http://www.coldhardfootballfacts.com/Articles/11_3240_You%27re_all_worthless_and_weak_%28NFC_edition%29.html

It's a fairly amusing, albeit lenghty article. Do you agree, disagree, not care?

Maybe you'd rather make fun of the AFC :

http://www.coldhardfootballfacts.com/Articles/11_3239_You%27re_all_worthless_and_weak_%28AFC_edition%29.html :silly:

Link to comment
Share on other sites
darklight1216

darklight1216

Posted
  • Author
Posted
:ols: Can't really argue with most of it, although its lame that they couldn't put more effort into bashing the Skins. Come on. There's plenty of material there, that's just lazy.

Well they did write ups about all 32 teams. You have to imagine that some of them were going to get less attention.

At least it's not as short as the Rams.

St. Louis

Well, let’s put it this way: after that big win in Detroit last year, things are certainly looking up here in 2010.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
jflow78

jflow78

Posted
Posted

My favorite quote, "Lawrence Taylor and Michael Strahan aren’t walking through that door, Giants fans … well, unless you’re reading this from prison. In which case, yes, there’s a good shot that LT is walking through the door." :ols:

Anyway, he also forgot to mention, "Vinny Cerrato isn’t walking through that door, Redskins fans!

Oh, wait … he's not. After a decade of his steady hand.......Skins fans may feel the need to shower."

That tells me......championship!!!! Just kidding, but at least I'm checking the news out of excitement now, not fear.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
DefenderoftheStar

DefenderoftheStar

Posted
Posted
:ols: Can't really argue with most of it, although its lame that they couldn't put more effort into bashing the Skins. Come on. There's plenty of material there, that's just lazy.

So we get mad when the media doesnt pay attention, but we get as equally mad because they dont right enough bad things to say about the Skins. Okay at least you're consistent.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Hitman21ST

Hitman21ST

Posted
Posted
So we get mad when the media doesnt pay attention, but we get as equally mad because they dont right enough bad things to say about the Skins. Okay at least you're consistent.

The point was that they should have come up with something new that everyone else hasn't already pointed out.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
DefenderoftheStar

DefenderoftheStar

Posted
Posted
The point was that they should have come up with something new that everyone else hasn't already pointed out.

what else can they point out, your record? who didnt play well? who didnt coach well? at least they kept it short and moved on, i wouldnt want to read a dreadful report on how bad the Skins season was, you know it was bad, no point making a bigger point about it.

Besides, they need more room to talk about Romo sits to pee.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Kindred

Kindred

Posted
Posted
They make fun of the Eagles for not having Donovan McNabb, then they make fun of the Redskins FOR having him? Something's not clicking...

getting rid of experienced vets for draft picks they dont need vs giving away badly needed draft picks for players that might not have much left in them.

I support the trade for dmac, but I see where they're coming from.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Hitman21ST

Hitman21ST

Posted
Posted

Besides, they need more room to talk about Romo sits to pee.

Yeah, I guess you're right. The article that explains why teams aren't going to win the Super Bowl needs as much room as it can get to talk about a bigger playoff choker than Peyton Manning. There is a lot of stuff to say why he won't have a good year.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Conn

Conn

Posted
Posted
So we get mad when the media doesnt pay attention, but we get as equally mad because they dont right enough bad things to say about the Skins. Okay at least you're consistent.

Dude. They did EVERY team in the league. Its a semi-spoof article that harshly brings up some good points, about both good teams and bad.

I was kidding, mostly, about my complaining. But if you ARE going to quasi-spoof a negative article, at least don't use the same material that real, serious sports writers are using. That's my point ;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Go to topic listing

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...