fuji869 Posted April 2, 2003 Share Posted April 2, 2003 This is pretty good, I always like Dennis Miller from his days on SNL and even on MNF. "TRYING TO HELP" By Dennis Miller All the rhetoric on whether or not we should go to war against Iraq has got my little brain spinning like a top. I enjoy reading opinions from both sides, but I've detected a hint of confusion from some of you. Maybe this can help. As I was reading the paper recently, I was reminded of the best advice anyone ever gave me. He told me about the "KISS" method ("Keep It Simple, Stupid!"). So with this as a theme, I'd like to apply this theory for those who don't quite get it. My hope is that we can simplify things and recognize a few important facts. Here are ten things to consider when voicing an opinion on this important issue: (1) Between President Bush and Saddam Hussein ... Hussein is the bad guy. (2) If you have faith in the United Nations to do the right things, keep this in mind: the UN has Libya heading the Committee on Human Rights and Iraq heading the Global Disarmament Committee. Do your own math here. (3) If you use a Google or Yahoo search and type in "French Military Victories," don't be surprised if your computer panics at its inability to respond to your inquiry. (4) If your only antiwar slogan is "No War For Oil," hire a pit bull lawyer and sue your school district for having allowed you to slip through the cracks and robbing you of the minimum education that any non-troglodyte deserves. (5) You can take this one to the bank: Saddam and bin Laden will NOT seek UN approval before they try to kill us. (6) Despite common belief among some, Martin Sheen is NOT the President. He only plays one on TV. (7) If you are antiwar and even an outright "America Basher," to bin Laden you are still an "infidel" whom he wants dead. (8) Be careful: if you believe in a "vast right-wing conspiracy," but not in the danger that Hussein poses, the only job you may be able to get is as an Ivy League college professor. (9) Even multi-culturalists who try to browbeat us into believing that all cultures are equally deserving of respect have trouble explaining the past 500 years of Islam. (10) Whether you are for or against military action, our young men and women overseas are fighting to defend our right to speak out on these issues. They deserve our unreserved support. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PCS Posted April 2, 2003 Share Posted April 2, 2003 Recommended Reading: Title: The Iraq War for Dummies Author: Dennis Miller Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canyonero! Posted April 2, 2003 Share Posted April 2, 2003 Fuji, can we get a link to that article? Thanks :thumbsup: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rv581 Posted April 2, 2003 Share Posted April 2, 2003 Not to be the bearer of bad news, but: http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/miller.php Origins: Comedian Dennis Miller, famous for his informative diatribes on all matters sociological and political (better known as "rants"), has been asserted as the author of the essay quoted above. This piece, sometimes entitled "Trying to Help" and sometimes identified as an "Article in Wichita Falls paper," began circulating on the Internet in March 2003. Miller, who usually prefaces his sardonic comments with "Now I don't want to get off on a rant here . . ." seems an appropriate person to finger for authorship; the piece is written in something approximating his style, and nothing in the text is all that far removed from comments he is known to have made on his HBO television program, in his stand-up comedy routines, and while appearing as a guest on various talk shows (particularly The Tonight Show with Jay Leno). However, genuine Dennis Miller rants are peppered with pop culture references casually tossed in as verbal exclamation points but are not themselves central to his caustic comments, yet this particular offering contains only two such references, both of them presented as prime points of the essay. More simply, although he's on record as making wry observations similar in nature to those made in the piece now being attributed to him (e.g. "At this point, Ariel Sharon believes the only time Arabs and Jews will share the land is when they're under it" and "You have to just marvel at the stun-gun absurdity of fighting to the death over what happens after you die"), he makes them in a different way. This particular offering did run in the Times Record News, the only newspaper in Wichita Falls, Texas. It appeared as a Letter to the Editor on 26 February 2003, with its author identified as W. Wayne Schields of Wichita Falls. How the piece came to be attributed to Dennis Miller remains a mystery. We're left to suspect that someone, in an effort to imbue the essay with credibility, slapped the popular comedian's name onto something he particularly liked and wanted others to likewise appreciate. We can substantiate that the two checkable points in the rant do indeed stand up to scrutiny: The United Nations Commission on Human Rights is chaired by Najat Al-Hajjaji of the Libyan Arab Jamahiriya, and Iraq was selected to head the United Nations' Conference on Disarmament scheduled to be held in Geneva beginning in May 2003. (Which country chairs the U.N. Conference on Disarmament is determined through "purely automatic rotation by alphabetical order.") However, in mid-February Iraq informed the U.N. that it was giving up its turn at the rotating presidency of the disarmament forum; since Iran had already given up its turn to chair the body as well, the position fell upon the next country on the alphabetical list, Ireland. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kilmer17 Posted April 2, 2003 Share Posted April 2, 2003 Figured as much. Kind of like the "bad American" piece attributed to George Carlin. Fortunately, I think this piece deserves as much credit whether written by a celebrity or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stratoman Posted April 2, 2003 Share Posted April 2, 2003 Good stuff who ever wrote it!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheKurp Posted April 2, 2003 Share Posted April 2, 2003 Thank goodness it's a fraud. I certainly didn't need a reason to suddenly like Dennis Miller. He's about the most grating sound my ears have had to endure of anyone I've ever heard. I absolutely hated listening to MNF with him in the booth and wound up abandoning the Monday night ritual that season. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stratoman Posted April 2, 2003 Share Posted April 2, 2003 Originally posted by TheKurp I absolutely hated listening to MNF with him in the booth and wound up abandoning the Monday night ritual that season. I would agree that he wasn't very good on MNF but I like his opinions. He has a excellent command of the English language and his views are dead on! :notworthy: The guy I can't stand is Bill Mauer. :puke: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glenn X Posted April 3, 2003 Share Posted April 3, 2003 Originally posted by stratoman The guy I can't stand is Bill Mauer. :puke: Agreed. Maher is a steaming pile. But Miller is tha shizznit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stratoman Posted April 3, 2003 Share Posted April 3, 2003 Originally posted by Glenn X Agreed. Maher is a steaming pile. But Miller is tha shizznit. Yeah! :thumbsup: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyDave Posted April 3, 2003 Share Posted April 3, 2003 I liked the Dennis miller show. The point is that Libya and Iraq shouldn't have been in position to head those two posts in the first place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redman Posted April 4, 2003 Share Posted April 4, 2003 Originally posted by NavyDave The point is that Libya and Iraq shouldn't have been in position to head those two posts in the first place. What, you don't like the inmates running the asylum? :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StuckinIA Posted April 4, 2003 Share Posted April 4, 2003 Dennis Miller was on fire last night on Leno. One of the first watchable Tonight Shows in a long time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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