Ex-Girlfriend Don't Want To Speak To You No More, New European Boyfriend Reports

[Dirk Diggler]

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/ex_girlfriend_dont_want_to_speak

LANCASTER, PA—According to the latest information provided by the unnamed, impossibly debonair-sounding European man who is now answering all of her calls, your ex-girlfriend, Rebecca Norsten, "don't want to speak to you no more."

The new policy of non-communication, not elaborated upon by Norsten herself, was announced during a phone call to her apartment early Monday morning in the suave, confident tones of an Italian or possibly Portuguese individual of indeterminate height and muscle tone. Phone records indicate the statement was made at 9:35 a.m.—approximately one hour and 25 minutes too early for the speaker to have been a platonic visitor who did not spend all last night giving the love of your life everything you never could.

"Rebecca is no coming to the phone, my friend," reported the exotic-sounding stranger, who rolled his R's in a manner that strongly suggested he can outperform you sexually. "I am condolence for you, but what is to be done? There are many fishes, yes?"

[RedlightG20]

(waiting to hear the sound from the bad-joke horn)

[DGreenistheBest]

"As of press time, it is unclear how you could have been so foolish."

:laugh:

[Lombardi's_kid_brother]

I still like the point/counterpoint of "European Men are So Romantic/American Girls are So Easy."

[China]

[Phone rings..Clink of receiver being lifted]

"Hello..?"

"Yes, a collect call for Mrs. Floyd from Mr. Floyd.

Will you accept the charges from United States?"

[clunk! of phone being put down]

"Oh, He hung up! That's your residence, right? I wonder why he hung up?

Is there supposed to be someone else there besides your wife there to answer?"

[Phone rings again...clunk of receiver being picked up]

"Hello?"

"This is United States calling, are we reaching...

[interrupted by phone being put down]

"See he keeps hanging up, and it's a man answering."

[whirr of connection being closed]