Stigmata Posted April 3, 2006 Author Share Posted April 3, 2006 Why dont they have hispanics in Star Trek? Because they dont work in future either! i know i know ill pay for that one, looks over his shoulder Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gigantor Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 A well dressed professional driving cross-country stops in a wes - err... Tennessee bar for a break. He walks in sporting his 3-piece suit and the place goes silent, he looks around and sees the place is full of red-neck farmers and such. Quickly he walks to the bar... "what'll you have?" asks the bartender "Heineken, frosted mug" says the man "Sorry fella, we don't have that here" says the BT "ok, then give me a Budweiser". Now the bartender is curious - "So where you from, friend?" he asks. "New York, just passing through cross-country" replies the thirsty man. "Oh, what you do?" just to make conversation. "I'm a taxidermist" says the man. "ah What?" the bartender is lost. "A taxidermist, you know, I mount animals for a living" says the man The bartender turns to the others and announces with a big smile: "It's OK fellers, He's one of us!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twenty-eight Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 Two peanuts are walking down the street. One was assaulted. Joke thread, not life story thread, nice try whodel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EersSkins05 Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 An Indian named Bowels lives in a single tee-pee on a prime piece of real estate in the mid-west. A major corporation buys the land that Bowels lives on, and serves him with notice that he must move off of the property. Bowels goes to what he thinks is a lawyer, but is actually a doctor, telling him, "Bowels have problem. Bowels no move." The doctor has the diagnosis immediately and gives Bowels a prescription and tells him to come back next week. Bowels comes back the next week and says, "Bowels still no move." The doctor says, "Hmm... Well, we'll just up the dosage," asking Bowels to come back next week if the problem persists. Bowels comes back the next week and says, "Bowels still no move, damnit." Perplexed, the doctor says, "Well, I'm going to give you the maximum dosage, but if this still doesn't work, I don't know what we'll do. See me in a week." Bowels comes back the next week. The doctor says, "Well, did it work?" Bowels says, "No. Bowels have to move. Tee-pee full of sh*t." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CHUBAKAH Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 How many etheopian's can you fit in a phone booth? All of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
visionary Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital. The doctor looked her over and told them it would be a rather difficult delivery. He offered to let the couple try an experimental procedure. The woman would be connected to a machine that would transfer part of the pain to the father of the baby, thus reducing her own. The man quickly agreed. The doctor warned him, though, that there was a slight bug in the machine that caused it to amplify the pain sent to the father by ten times, and if the pain became too much for to bear would he please let the doctor know. The doctor turned on the machine and watched the man. The man said he felt absolutely fine and he could take more. The doctor turned the dial up to 40, 60, 80, and finally 100% of the pain, times ten. The woman delivered the baby painlessly and the doctor stared at the man, astonished at how he could not even flinch with that much pain brought upon him. The couple took the new baby home. There, on the front step, the mailman lay dead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stigmata Posted April 4, 2006 Author Share Posted April 4, 2006 A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital. The doctor looked her over and told them it would be a rather difficult delivery. He offered to let the couple try an experimental procedure. The woman would be connected to a machine that would transfer part of the pain to the father of the baby, thus reducing her own. The man quickly agreed. The doctor warned him, though, that there was a slight bug in the machine that caused it to amplify the pain sent to the father by ten times, and if the pain became too much for to bear would he please let the doctor know.The doctor turned on the machine and watched the man. The man said he felt absolutely fine and he could take more. The doctor turned the dial up to 40, 60, 80, and finally 100% of the pain, times ten. The woman delivered the baby painlessly and the doctor stared at the man, astonished at how he could not even flinch with that much pain brought upon him. The couple took the new baby home. There, on the front step, the mailman lay dead. :laugh: good one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stigmata Posted April 4, 2006 Author Share Posted April 4, 2006 A woman goes to the Doctor and says, Doctor every square inch of my body is in pain. The doctor says, thats impossible no one is in pain on every square inch of there body. The woman says no really doc look, so she touches her elbow "Ouch" she shouts then her knee "ouch" and her lip, her other hand, her foot.... So the doctor just watches for a while and finally says.. STOP! i know what wrong with you, the woman says what doc what? Your finger is broken! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drockvb Posted April 4, 2006 Share Posted April 4, 2006 Why do rednecks prefer "Doggy Style"? so they can watch Nascar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hu-bison-skinsfan Posted April 4, 2006 Share Posted April 4, 2006 I stole this from someone on the Internet who was paraphrasing a Redd Foxx joke: Two preachers always rode their bikes to church on Sunday mornings. One Sunday, one of the preachers was walking and the other was riding. The preacher on the bike asked the preacher walking, "Preach, where's your bike?" The walking preacher replied, "I think someone in my congregation stole my bike." The preacher on the bike came up with an idea: "When you're preaching your sermon today, preach the Ten Commandments, that way whoever stole your bike will feel guilty when you get to the one about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' and return your bike." The next Sunday both preachers were riding their bikes again. "Well, did you do like I suggested and preach the Ten Commandments?" "Yeah, and when I got to the one about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,' I remembered where I left my bike." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major Harris Posted April 4, 2006 Share Posted April 4, 2006 Yeah, there you can find such jokes as:What is Major's pet name for his girlfriend? Mom. major= rincepwn3d :doh: i'm still way ahead of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rincewind Posted April 4, 2006 Share Posted April 4, 2006 major= rincepwn3d :doh:i'm still way ahead of you. Only because everytime i turn away somebody starts a 'hey Major ****ed rince's mom' thread. Yeah I said go ahead and ****ing quote me on the ****ing taken out of ****ing context thread. ****ers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PCS Posted April 4, 2006 Share Posted April 4, 2006 Props to Stephen Wright for this one. One day I got on the bus, and as I was going down the aisle I saw I saw the most gorgeous blond Chinese girl. So. I sat beside her. I said,''Hi'', And she said, ''Hi'', and then I said, 'Nice day, isn't it?''. "It's okay" she said. Then she said, ''I saw my analyst today and he says I have a problem.'' So I asked, ''What's the problem?'' She replied, ''I can't tell you. I don't even know you.'' I said, ''Well, sometimes it's good to tell your problems to a perfect stranger''. So she said, ''Well, my analyst said I'm a nymphomaniac and I only like Jewish cowboys... Oh. By the way, my name is Denise.'' I said, ''Hello, Denise. My name is Bucky Goldstein.'' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stigmata Posted April 4, 2006 Author Share Posted April 4, 2006 How do you punish hellen keller? Stick her in a round room and teller to stand in the corner.. Why does hellen keller masturbate with one hand? So she can moan with the other.. What did hellen keller do when she fell down a well? Screamed her hands off! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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