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A Redneck Challenge


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I am sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South. I

challenge any so-called smart Yankees to take this exam:

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will

support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in

your front yard?

(A) '65 Ford Fairlane

(B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle

© '64 Pontiac GTO

3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons

of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense

the product?

4. A woodcutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 RPM. The density of

the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is

2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many

Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12

simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone layer?

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a

field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The

porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many

hound dogs will be killed?

7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an

average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown

children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough

property for their electric appliances to sit out front?

8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope

on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic

conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike

a vehicle with a muffler?

9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The

mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of

the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked

during the shift?

10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation,

how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate

to breed a country-western singer?

I betcha thought that there test was gonna be an easy one, didn't ya?

It's okay if'n ya didn't do all that well. Just goes to show ya. There's a

hole heap of things that big city book-learning don't prepare ya for in this


As an added bonus for taking the "REDNECK CHALLENGE", here's some

southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a piece...Next time

you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order.

When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with them.

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