Riggo-toni Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 Ok folks, I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I can't stand no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men prancing about, redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng shui." Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, trans-sexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual-bogus definitions have taken over the urban and suburban world! Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your nuts, belch, and yell "ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture wars, the Retrosexual movement. The RetroSexual Code: A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV. A Retrosexual, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE. A Retrosexual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female. A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT. A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself. A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you. A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.) A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old. A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the "Dealing with IT" portion of The Code. A Retrosexual watches no TV shows with "Queer" in the title. A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major re-invention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little wuss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it. A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak tree chipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, or favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay enough attention to you. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you. A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey. A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie - and ONLY a Windsor knot. A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting. A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can - or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you are. A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear; guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it's just plain fun to shoot. Crying. There are very few reasons that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part. A Retrosexual man's favorite movie isn't "Maid in Manhattan" (unless that refers to some foxy French maid sitting in a huge tub of brandy or whiskey), or "Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood." Acceptable ones may include any of the Dirty Harry or Nameless Drifter movies (Clint in his better days), Zulu, Rambo I or II, the Dirty Dozen, The Godfather trilogy, Scarface, The Road Warrior, The Die Hard series, Caddyshack, Rocky I, II, or III, Full Metal Jacket, any James Bond Movie, Raging Bull, Bullitt, any Bruce Lee movie, Apocalypse Now, Goodfellas, Reservoir Dogs, Fight Club, etc. When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, hell, any woman gets on, that retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face. A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows ALL the words to the Star Spangled Banner. A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged in a serious healthy relationship - i.e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance. A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils. A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20 mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his ride on a plow berm. A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is exactly where he wanted it to land. A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress (except officers above 2nd Lt) NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country. A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other person deceived him. A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afparent Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 BRAVO! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sonsofwashington Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CandaceM23 Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 A Retrosexual, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE. A Retrosexual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female. Okay ... if you can find one of these Retrosexual males that does this ... please send him my way. I'm different ... I always offer to pay for the date or at least help. I don't mind paying ... but it definitely gives me a little bit of leverage - because no one can say that I owe them anything for dinner now. But ... if you find one ... maybe mid-twenty-something ... who has a stable job ... please let me know! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afparent Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 Originally posted by CandaceM23 A Retrosexual, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE. A Retrosexual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female. Okay ... if you can find one of these Retrosexual males that does this ... please send him my way. I'm different ... I always offer to pay for the date or at least help. I don't mind paying ... but it definitely gives me a little bit of leverage - because no one can say that I owe them anything for dinner now. But ... if you find one ... maybe mid-twenty-something ... who has a stable job ... please let me know! I can't speak for the 20 something guys but from your post, It sounds like they don't pay for many dates. Maybe it is a generational thing. I am sure there are some out there! Actually you should check out "thito_da_skins_fan" He has the best tailgate parties at FEDEX. He might be your man! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Destino Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 I feel like playing dodgeball after reading that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkinsNut73 Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 Originally posted by CandaceM23 A Retrosexual, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE. A Retrosexual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female. Okay ... if you can find one of these Retrosexual males that does this ... please send him my way. I'm different ... I always offer to pay for the date or at least help. I don't mind paying ... but it definitely gives me a little bit of leverage - because no one can say that I owe them anything for dinner now. But ... if you find one ... maybe mid-twenty-something ... who has a stable job ... please let me know! Interesting. A lot of the 20-something girls at work voice the same opinion. Back before I was married I always paid for dates, opened car doors, etc...and so did the guys I hung around with...it was the "norm" as far as I knew. The new generation must be a little different... UGH...at 38 I never thought of myself as old 'til now :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afparent Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 Originally posted by SkinsNut73 Interesting. A lot of the 20-something girls at work voice the same opinion. Back before I was married I always paid for dates, opened car doors, etc...and so did the guys I hung around with...it was the "norm" as far as I knew. The new generation must be a little different... UGH...at 38 I never thought of myself as old 'til now :laugh: But don't you think a lot of 20 something girls want it that way? Just like CANDACEM23 said: She doesn't owe anyone anything. I mean I know they want Denzel or Tom Cruise to pay for their dates but they don't want Pee Wee Herman to pay for their dates. Makes sense to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CandaceM23 Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 Well ... I have been fortunate ... most of the guys that I've met do pay for dates. I'll pay for things too just to even out the playing field. If I appreciate what you're doing for me then I'll do the same for you. It all boils down to treat people the way that you want to be treated.... And ... I don't like to have anything thrown in my face --- "Well, I'm the one that always does this ... and I always do that." No one can say that to me .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CandaceM23 Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 Afparent ... I think that you took what I was saying in the wrong context ... I was referring to the "I buy you dinner ... you give me @ss" way of thinking .... And ... I'm not all about Tom Cruise or Denzel ... my brother can vouch for me here ... I've dated a few Pee Wee Hermans because they had awesome personalities. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Posse81 Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 Funny, I'm 26 and I always pay for dates. Most of my friends do the same. I thought it was the norm, but maybe I'm wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skinsfan44 Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 That pretty much sums up what I am, Riggotoni. A Retrosexual. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkinsNut73 Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 Originally posted by afparent But don't you think a lot of 20 something girls want it that way? Just like CANDACEM23 said: She doesn't owe anyone anything. I mean I know they want Denzel or Tom Cruise to pay for their dates but they don't want Pee Wee Herman to pay for their dates. Makes sense to me. Oh sure, I understand her point. The 20-something girls at work don't mind this for the same reason. The guys today are expecting the girl to "put out" (how's that for an old term?) on the 1st or 2nd date...if not, you ditch them. So by going at it Candace's way you level the playing field. I understand it...just surprised it changed so quickly...either that or I was behind the times even when I was in my 20's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afparent Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 Originally posted by CandaceM23 Afparent ... I think that you took what I was saying in the wrong context ... I was referring to the "I buy you dinner ... you give me @ss" way of thinking .... And ... I'm not all about Tom Cruise or Denzel ... my brother can vouch for me here ... I've dated a few Pee Wee Hermans because they had awesome personalities. I was thinking the same thing. I know what you mean. I wasn't talking about you specifically. I know I am old, but I have dated 20 somethings recently. Now I would never, ever, expect to get some @ss just because I paid for dinner, however, I am also insulted when the girl insist on paying half when her intentions are clear and uses that as some kind of safety net. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CandaceM23 Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 Skinsnut73 ... you are too right. Right on point!!! You said it the way that I couldn't say it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheDane Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 I would think that a true retrosexual wouldn't need a term like "retrosexual" to describe himself... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CandaceM23 Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 Afparent ... Thats not the only reason that I pay.... I also said earlier that if I appreciate what you are doing for me ... then I will be nice and do the same for you. Its all about treating others the way that you would like to be treated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SkinsHokie Fan Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 A lot of this fits into my personality. Seems very Boy Scoutish (hey what do you know? I am in Eagle Scout) However a lot of the metrosexual stuff fits me also. I guess I am in between. And yeah I always pay on a date, even if its not a real date with a girl friend of mine (you guys know, the friend that is a girl just not a girlfriend) Something just never seems right if I let the girl even pay a dime for dinner or lunch Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Posse81 Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 You just pay for the date because you want to take the girl out. You run the risk of her not putting out I guess, but I'm not sure how I would feel about a girl that put out on the first date. (Not that there is anything wrong with that). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkinsNut73 Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 Why are the Google ads for this thread: Meet Hot Local Gay Guys Preganancy Discrimination Options Treatment Center (gay & lesbian drug rehab center) Find Homosexual Books???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afparent Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 Originally posted by Posse81 You just pay for the date because you want to take the girl out. You run the risk of her not putting out I guess, but I'm not sure how I would feel about a girl that put out on the first date. (Not that there is anything wrong with that). :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
endzone_dave Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 This thread makes me want to take a 12-gauge and shoot the squirrels in the back yard. Take the .002 ounces of meat I can find from the mutilated carcasses and eat it raw. I'll try hard to scratch my ass the whole time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pez Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 Originally posted by endzone_dave This thread makes me want to take a 12-gauge and shoot the squirrels in the back yard. Take the .002 ounces of meat I can find from the mutilated carcasses and eat it raw. I'll try hard to scratch my ass the whole time. same here... I also feel like getting a large pickup truck, driving it through mud and big rocks and drinking a cold beer afterwords... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brooklynskinsfan Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 Retrosexual sounds like a red-neck:laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soliloquy Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 Originally posted by Riggotoni Crying. There are very few reasons that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies I think an exemption should be allowed for a tear in the eye during, say, The Dirty Dozen, or Band of Brothers. Nuthin' on the cheek, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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