rv581 Posted April 14, 2003 Share Posted April 14, 2003 from www.laststory.com “No Blood for Tea!” Editor’s Note: In a drunken haze, the www.LastStory.com staff wandered about the forests of Northern California and stumbled upon a time machine. Honest! Of course, after finding a time machine, a new problem emerged—where on earth do we go in it? Richard Goezenya wanted to go back in time to the pre-AIDS era and bang as many chicks as possible. Miss Jayui voted to return to the 1950s and share a cup of champagne with James Dean. And Mr. Nova was adamant about traveling back to 1989 and betting a ton of cash on Buster Douglas in his fight with Mike Tyson. But as the editor of this website, I out-voted them all… and in a patriotic tizzy, I decided to travel to 1776 and witness the birth of America. What I witnessed shocked me. You see, not all Americans were supportive of our Revolutionary War. In fact, I ran into a peace protester (named Jeneane Chirac Sheen), who consented to an interview. And here it is: LastStory: Why are you against the war? Sheen: Well, it’s clear this war is only about tea. England raised the tax on tea and now George Washington wants to send our sons into combat where they might die?! No way, buddy! No blood for tea! No blood for tea! LastStory: I see. But isn’t the tea just a symbol? You know—that whole “taxation without representation” thing? Sheen: No, I’m pretty sure it’s all about the tea. And did you know what those warmongering animals did in Boston? They dressed-up like the peace-loving indigenous people of this land, commonly referred to by the unenlightened as “Indians”… which, of course, was a terrible example of cultural insensitivity. But anyway, after these troublemakers mocked the natives by wearing their clothes, they dumped the tea into the Boston Harbor! Don’t they know anything about pollution? These polluters are the enemies—not the English! LastStory: Oh, yeah—the Boston Tea Party. But let’s assume, just for the sake of argument, that the war truly is about freedom and not “blood-for-tea.” Isn’t freedom worth fighting—and possibly dying—for? Sheen: Of course not. It’s worth battling to death, just so you’re no longer under rule of a repressive regime? That doesn’t make any sense. Everyone knows that war is never the answer. And besides, war isn’t necessary. LastStory: How do you figure? Sheen: All we need to do is assemble a global body to send inspectors to England and America, to make sure that our rights are respected and that the English troops won’t hurt us. These inspectors will search for examples of taxation without representation. Isn’t this better than war? LastStory: And if they do discover taxation without representation, what should the remedy be. Let me guess—sanctions? Sheen: No, not sanctions. Sanctions only hurt the civilians—everyone knows that. LastStory: But without the threat of sanctions, why on earth would the English allow these inspectors to do their job? Sheen: Oh, they’d do it. You see, it’s a well known fact that if you wish for something to be true, it happens automatically—even if you don’t take actions to further its enactment. Of course I’m against the despotic rule of George III… even though I stand in the way of those who want to overthrow him. LastStory: How long would you suggest relying upon inspections? 10 years? 12 years? Sheen: As long as it takes. War is never the answer. I told you that. LastStory: But if the inspectors don’t find anything after 12 years, doesn’t this mean that the inspections aren’t working? Sheen: Not at all. It would mean that the fascist-pig George Washington was lying—for obviously, England isn’t taxing us without representation or denying us our freedom. LastStory: What will you do to demonstrate your displeasure with the rebelling colonists and General George Washington? Sheen: Well, I’ll tie-up traffic, try to swing public sentiment against the war effort, block the shipping of war munitions to the soldiers, and demonize the leadership of those who lead our troops into battle. But don’t you dare report that I’m against the troops. Obviously, I support the troops. Don’t you understand? LastStory: Not really. And I sort of get the feeling that you don’t like George Washington. Sheen: Oh, I despise the man! And who elected him anyway? I wanted to vote for someone else, but accidentally voted for Pat Buchanan—whoever he is. LastStory: Pat Buchanan? Sheen: Never mind. The point is, I don’t acknowledge George Washington as the duly elected leader of our country. He’s just interested in plundering more land from the peace-loving indigenous Americans. LastStory: Why do you keep referring to the Indians as peace-loving? Haven’t they engaged in terrorist-style raids on the colonies? Sheen: Well, that’s just because a few of the indigenous American chieftains have hijacked a peaceful faith. But it would be wrong to wage war against those who wish us harm—civilians might die. LastStory: But if you do nothing, won’t more colonists die? Sheen: Maybe, but who’s to say that one of our lives is more valuable than theirs? Besides, if we lay down our weapons and try to understand the warring indigenous Americans, maybe they’ll stop attacking us and scalping women and children. LastStory: Isn’t that a big risk to take? Sheen: You know, you’re starting to sound like that savage George Washington. LastStory: Sorry… I think. Listen, I think it’s time for me to go. Thanks for the interview. Sheen: Not at all. And mark my words—in the future, historians will judge peace-lovers like me favorably. Just you wait. And you’ll see how history judges warmongers like George Washington. Yeah! I wish I could read the history books a few hundred years from now… Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
codeorama Posted April 14, 2003 Share Posted April 14, 2003 There's a big difference here... The people living here in the "new world" decided to rise against their "evil dictator". Then in the end, we received some help. Iraq is not rising against their evil dictator, we are doing that for them... big difference. A true analogy would be if France came over here and started fighting off the British, that clearly didn't happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riggo-toni Posted April 14, 2003 Share Posted April 14, 2003 Originally posted by codeorama A true analogy would be if France came over here and started fighting off the British, that clearly didn't happen. Wouldn't that be the French and Indian War? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
codeorama Posted April 14, 2003 Share Posted April 14, 2003 Originally posted by riggo-toni Wouldn't that be the French and Indian War? :laugh: Good point... But they didn't stay and help with the revolution, (except that single french guy in "The Patriot" that helped Mel Gibson alot:D ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckydevil Posted April 14, 2003 Share Posted April 14, 2003 "Iraq is not rising against their evil dictator, we are doing that for them" I do find it funny how people like Micheal Moore give the argument it should be the iraqi people that determine regime change, but than in the same breath gives the virtues of gun control. Am I the only one who finds this funny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
codeorama Posted April 15, 2003 Share Posted April 15, 2003 Originally posted by luckydevi "Iraq is not rising against their evil dictator, we are doing that for them" I do find it funny how people like Micheal Moore give the argument it should be the iraqi people that determine regime change, but than in the same breath gives the virtues of gun control. Am I the only one who finds this funny If you are questioning why I posted that, I was pointing out that the original post was not an accurate analogy. If I misunderstood your point, sorry... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyDave Posted April 15, 2003 Share Posted April 15, 2003 Good post. And only 33% of the population back then were for the American Revolution the majority back then were similar to limp wristed spineless wimps we have today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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