skinsfan07 Posted April 9, 2008 Share Posted April 9, 2008 Here's a poem/song/rap I wrote a little while ago. I think it's true as hell. It was hard to come up with all the lyrics. The 2 verses are separated. Lemme know what you guys think! My eyes are a mirror in which my dreams are reflected Anomalies and false hoods force fed to us like a psychic/ Hectic thoughts and illusions flow through my head like a liquid Energy bolt struck my brain and now my words are electric/ The silence is deafening, it’s always calm before the storm Trapped in the eye of this beast, blurred visions of this world are born/ A metaphor for this war, can be described like a whore She got the beggars at her feet, while the rich are fiending for more/ And words can’t explain, how many more struggles remain Through all the suffering and pain, the troops still fighting in vein/ Vivid memories of what once was as I try to stay sane The clear blue skies and bright sun, are now dark with acidic rain/ Cluttered images of myself in this world are now seen As I try to make peace in this so called “Sweet Dream”/ Another page is turned thus a new chapter revealed A population not healed, the kiss of death sealed the deal/ The abundance of ignorance and jealousy is surreal While plagues of darkness and sadness are finally being unveiled/ Foolishness overshadows the righteous deeds once done Dark eyes gaze into mirrors to look at what we’ve become/ A money hungry, careless, ravenous stampede of wild wolves Taking all we can for granted, no hard work or problems solved/ A corrupt society drowning in the pool of its existence Relentless, systematic people engulfed with little substance/ No cures for diseases, debt is burying us like fallen leaves It seems like such a nightmare, but maybe it’s my “Sweet Dream”/ If you didn't catch what the metaphor meant......... "She got the beggars at her feet" symbolizes the poor countries struggling to survive, the bottom feeders. "While the rich are fiending for more" symbolizes the rich country (the USA) providing more fuel to the fire (i.e sending more and more troops in to war and case more pain to the already poor and suffering countries) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Disco Dave Posted April 9, 2008 Share Posted April 9, 2008 Nice poem/song. I think of this when I hear sweet dreams. http://youtube.com/watch?v=QQHrspjw4aA Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
One Shot Posted April 9, 2008 Share Posted April 9, 2008 Sounds pretty tight, man. I'm liking the "Sweet Dream" idea, and how you end the verses with it. The wolf simile is awesome too. We all need our sweet dreams at night to cure our some of our nightmares during the day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skinsfan07 Posted April 9, 2008 Author Share Posted April 9, 2008 Sounds pretty tight, man. I'm liking the "Sweet Dream" idea, and how you end the verses with it. The wolf simile is awesome too. We all need our sweet dreams at night to cure our some of our nightmares during the day. thanks man. That was kind of my idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skinsfan07 Posted April 10, 2008 Author Share Posted April 10, 2008 any other thoughts??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrangeSkin Posted April 10, 2008 Share Posted April 10, 2008 Pretty good, except you used suffrage, which means the right to vote, not suffering...unless that's what you were going for. Just thought I'd point that out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drums and skins Posted April 10, 2008 Share Posted April 10, 2008 Pretty good, except you used suffrage, which means the right to vote, not suffering...unless that's what you were going for. Just thought I'd point that out. Exactly what I was going to say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fan since a Fetus Posted April 10, 2008 Share Posted April 10, 2008 The only thing I would change is the title of the poem/song. As Disco Dave pointed out "Sweet Dreams" is a great song by the Eurythmics. When I hear that name, I am expecting Annie Lennox to come in and do her thing. I always like her voice. She even did well in the Lord of the Rings movies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skinsfan07 Posted April 10, 2008 Author Share Posted April 10, 2008 Pretty good, except you used suffrage, which means the right to vote, not suffering...unless that's what you were going for. Just thought I'd point that out. Yeah I meant to say suffering, I'ma change that now. And FSAF what do you think I should change the name of the poem too than??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fan since a Fetus Posted April 10, 2008 Share Posted April 10, 2008 And FSAF what do you think I should change the name of the poem too than??? I am not quite sure. If you keep it as a poem, the title could still work. However, if it is made into a song, then the title should change. Just my opinion though. To me, this sounds as if it is a hip hop song. Maybe, I am wrong. This may or may not be your intention. I am not a fan of the genre, but it seems as if they use a lot of music from famous songs and rap over it. I feel that if you keep the "Sweet Dreams" title, it may be misleading (I don't think misleading is the right word, but I can't think of anything better right now). Just my two cents. Other than that, I like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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