The Brave Little Toaster Oven Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 I searched, but found nothing and couldn't believe there hasnt been a thread about people's funny/disgusting stories....so here it is; post your funny/disgusting stories here for the ES crew to enjoy. Mine: My first day at work as a cashier, I'm getting the hang of the cash register, and the lady training me left to go to the bakery. I go through some customers, and I get to one guy. He unloads his cart onto the belt as I ask him "how are yu today?" His reply, "FINE!!" I was taken back by his rudeness, but continued to scan his groceries. When it came time to pay for them, I told him the total, and he handed me the money.....I happened to look at his hand, and on his two fingers was a brown substance. I was intrigued, no way in hell is that what I think it is...well he hands me the money, and I realize, it IS what I thought it was.....****! The retard had **** on his hands and was giving me money! I couldnt believe it! I manuevered my hand so I didnt touch it, be had already rubbed it on the money with his hands :puke: Flash forward to today, this idiot comes back in my line once again....with **** on his fingers again, and also does the same rude "FINE!!" to me. I couldnt believe it, its like being struck by lighting twice :laugh: So yeah, who can top that? :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
B.Lloyd Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 LOL that's hilarious Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G.A.C.O.L.B. Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 How do you know it was ****? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarhog Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 Every day, I go to my local grocery store, buy 3 oranges, some dental floss, and a pack of Juicy Fruit. While I'm in line, I defecate on a twenty and hand it to the checkout guy. I own you fudgemaster. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Brave Little Toaster Oven Posted April 28, 2007 Author Share Posted April 28, 2007 How do you know it was ****? ......I smelled my hand in disbelief :doh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
headexplode Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 Every day, I go to my local grocery store, buy 3 oranges, some dental floss, and a pack of Juicy Fruit. While I'm in line, I defecate on a twenty and hand it to the checkout guy.I own you fudgemaster. I literally slapped my knee on this one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Brave Little Toaster Oven Posted April 28, 2007 Author Share Posted April 28, 2007 Every day, I go to my local grocery store, buy 3 oranges, some dental floss, and a pack of Juicy Fruit. While I'm in line, I defecate on a twenty and hand it to the checkout guy.I own you fudgemaster. This douchebag buys kitty litter and candy.......Blighty, is that you? :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarhog Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 This douchebag buys kitty litter and candy.......Blighty, is that you? :laugh: He probably rolls his **** in the kitty litter and makes his own candy. Now thats disgusting! Its a strange, strange world out there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Brave Little Toaster Oven Posted April 28, 2007 Author Share Posted April 28, 2007 He probably rolls his **** in the kitty litter and makes his own candy. Now thats disgusting!Its a strange, strange world out there. :laugh: Probably, this guy scares the **** out of me because he has that serial killer look...then again it could just be a big prank too.....hmmm, maybe I should try this, but I'd probably get arrested :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
headexplode Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 My brother once peed in a kitty litter box to see what would happen. Basically the whole damn thing clumped up, my dad noticed and came out and asked, "Who pissed in the kitty litter box?" My brother had to admit it was him and he got into some pretty serious trouble. I remember laughing pretty hard because of the sheer stupidity of it all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G.A.C.O.L.B. Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 My brother once peed in a kitty litter box to see what would happen. Basically the whole damn thing clumped up, my dad noticed and came out and asked, "Who pissed in the kitty litter box?" My brother had to admit it was him and he got into some pretty serious trouble. I remember laughing pretty hard because of the sheer stupidity of it all. I've pissed in a kitty litter box a few times. No one ever found out that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarhog Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 My brother once peed in a kitty litter box to see what would happen. Basically the whole damn thing clumped up, my dad noticed and came out and asked, "Who pissed in the kitty litter box?" My brother had to admit it was him and he got into some pretty serious trouble. I remember laughing pretty hard because of the sheer stupidity of it all. This is the kind of story than can only be satisfying if it ends with 'and ever since then, he can ONLY go in the litter box. Yeah, it freaked his girlfriend out at first, but now she's into it too - its actually quite convenient - not to mention the water savings'. Or maybe its just me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
headexplode Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 :laugh: Probably, this guy scares the **** out of me because he has that serial killer look...then again it could just be a big prank too.....hmmm, maybe I should try this, but I'd probably get arrested :laugh: You should put menstrual blood on your hands, so when you have to scan his items you can wipe clumps of uterus lining on them. Then, you should get a hold of one of those little plastic fetuses (feti?) and put it in your underwear. Right before you give him his change reach into the seat of your pants and pull out the bloody nasty fetus and then look at the guy with a dead serious face and say, "Sorry about this fetus--I've been trying to get this ****er out for days." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
headexplode Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 This is the kind of story than can only be satisfying if it ends with 'and ever since then, he can ONLY go in the litter box. Yeah, it freaked his girlfriend out at first, but now she's into it too - its actually quite convenient - not to mention the water savings'.Or maybe its just me Next time I tell it I'm going to use that ending. Where do I send the royalty checks? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjah Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 No way would I have taken the poop-smeared currency the second time. To say nothing of the first... :laugh: Next time that guy shows up at the register, take out a syringe and squirt some bloody urine into his mouth. If he comes back to your register line again, THEN you should worry. I honestly don't know why I posted this... but this thread is destined for greatness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarhog Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 Next time that guy shows up at the register, take out a syringe and squirt some bloody urine into his mouth.I honestly don't know why I posted this... but this thread is destined for greatness. I have no idea why, but this just made me laugh out loud..... crazy thread.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Brave Little Toaster Oven Posted April 28, 2007 Author Share Posted April 28, 2007 No way would I have taken the poop-smeared currency the second time. To say nothing of the first... :laugh: I'm still newer though, what am I supposed to do? "Sir, wtf is that on your hand?" :laugh: :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarhog Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 Here's my approach. Take the cash. Hand him his change and right before you press it into his hand, hawk up something nice and gooey for him. Then give him a big wide grin and a wink and say 'call me'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Brave Little Toaster Oven Posted April 28, 2007 Author Share Posted April 28, 2007 Here's my approach. Take the cash. Hand him his change and right before you press it into his hand, hawk up something nice and gooey for him. Then give him a big wide grin and a wink and say 'call me'. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: That would be nice, but I'd probably get fired for that :laugh: Maybe I should call him on it and ask him what it is? :doh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheers, Beers and Mountaineers Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 a friend of mine said he would **** his pants for 20 dollars, he still hasnt done it, but il make sure to update everyone if he does :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
headexplode Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 My cousin once **** in a snow boot and wiped his ass with his sweater and left both the boot and the sweater in his closet for a few days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Brave Little Toaster Oven Posted April 28, 2007 Author Share Posted April 28, 2007 My cousin once **** in a snow boot and wiped his ass with his sweater and left both the boot and the sweater in his closet for a few days. why? :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the krabber Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 In HS, me and some friends got a kid to piss his pants at lunch for 20 bucks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
headexplode Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 why? :laugh: He was a strange guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheers, Beers and Mountaineers Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 all this talk of **** reminds of a game where you wipe your ass with a dollar bill, then leave it on the ground (with the side with poo on down) for someone to find, then watch the hilarity ensue. okay so its more disturbing than funny but still. and, no, i have not played this game. :paranoid: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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