SkinnedAussie Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 Bite 'just a tug'. SHARK attack survivor Zac Golebiowski has said he felt nothing but "a bit of a tug" when a five-metre white pointer tore off his lower right leg. Zac's right leg was bitten off below the knee and his left leg was punctured, leaving serious cuts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slateman Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 A "bit of a tug?!" Aussies and the propensity for understatement . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkinnedAussie Posted December 3, 2006 Author Share Posted December 3, 2006 That's just the way we are. Imagine if the same thing happened to a soccer player! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SUNSTONE Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 That's just the way we are.Imagine if the same thing happened to a soccer player! Soccor players have been known to die just at the site of a shark....even while standing on land, out of harms way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PokerPacker Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 i can see how it kinda makes sense. with the cold water, and the nuerons being killed off nearly instantly, then theres not much pain to feel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WVUforREDSKINS Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 I bet he is still a more reliable kicker than Novak. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonnyRules Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 I bet he is still a more reliable kicker than Novak. Now, that's funny! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zguy28 Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 What does "Noah" mean? Is that the name of the shark? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkinnedAussie Posted December 4, 2006 Author Share Posted December 4, 2006 Due to our British heritage, we tend to rephrase things into rhyming slang. Therefore, Noah is short for Noah's Ark, which is rhyming slang for shark. Another way is a form of Strine, a language commonly used by Aussies, or Strines. Noah can be used as a sentence - 'Mate, thad snor dash adow inna water, is it?' 'Noah, shark!' Translation: 'Look, is that a shadow in the water?' 'No, it's a shark!' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimmySmith Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 Speaking of British heritage. This was the first thing I thought of... (sorry about the length) Pakenham-Walsh: Morning Ainsworth. Ainsworth: Morning Pakenham-Walsh. Pakenham-Walsh: Sleep well? Ainsworth: Not bad. Bitten to shreds though. Must be a hole in the bloody mosquito net. Pakenham-Walsh: Yes, savage little blighters aren't they? First Lieut Chadwick: [arriving] Excuse me, sir. Ainsworth: Yes Chadwick? Chadwick: I'm afraid Perkins got rather badly bitten during the night. Ainsworth: Well so did we. Huh. Chadwick: Yes, but I do think the doctor ought to see him. Ainsworth: Well go and fetch him, then. Chadwick: Right you are, sir. Ainsworth: Suppose I'd better go along. Coming, Pakenham? Pakenham-Walsh: Yes I suppose so. [Chadwick leaves. Ainsworth and Pakenham-Walsh thread their leisurely way through the line of assegais. Pakenham-Walsh's valet is speared by a Zulu warrior but Pakenham-Walsh valiantly saves his jacket from the mud. They enter Perkins's tent. Perkins is on his camp bed.] Ainsworth: Ah! Morning Perkins. Perkins: Morning sir. Ainsworth: What's all the trouble then? Perkins: Bitten sir. During the night. Ainsworth: Hm. Whole leg gone eh? Perkins: Yes. [As they talk, the din of battle continues outside. Screams of dying men, crackling of tents set on fire.] Ainsworth: How's it feel? Perkins: Stings a bit. Ainsworth: Mmm. Well it would, wouldn't it. That's quite a bite you've got there you know. Perkins: Yes, real beauty isn't it? All: Yes. Ainsworth: Any idea how it happened? Perkins: None at all. Complete mystery to me. Woke up just now... one sock too many. Pakenham-Walsh: You must have a hell of a hole in your net. Ainsworth: Hm. We've sent for the doctor. Perkins: Ooh, hardly worth it, is it? Ainsworth: Oh yes... better safe than sorry. Pakenham-Walsh: Yes, good Lord, look at this. [He indicates a gigantic hole in the mosquito net.] Ainsworth: By jove, that's enormous. Pakenham-Walsh: You don't think it'll come back, do you? Ainsworth: For more, you mean? Pakenham-Walsh: Yes. Ainsworth: You're right. We'd better get this stitched. Pakenham-Walsh: Right. Ainsworth: Hallo Doc. Livingstone: [entering the tent with Chadwick] Morning. I came as fast as I could. Is something up? Ainsworth: Yes, during the night old Perkins had his leg bitten sort of... off. Livingstone: Ah hah!? Been in the wars have we? Perkins: Yes. Livingstone: Any headache, bowels all right? Well, let's have a look at this one leg of yours then. [Looks around under sheet] Yes... yes... yes... yes... yes... yes... well, this is nothing to worry about. Perkins: Oh good. Livingstone: There's a lot of it about, probably a virus, keep warm, plenty of rest, and if you're playing football or anything try and favour the other leg. Perkins: Oh right ho. Livingstone: Be as right as rain in a couple of days. Perkins: Thanks for the reassurance, doc. Livingstone: Not at all, that's what I'm here for. Any other problems I can reassure you about? Perkins: No I'm fine. Livingstone: Jolly good. Well, must be off. Perkins: So it'll just grow back then, will it? Livingstone: Er... I think I'd better come clean with you about this... it's... um it's not a virus, I'm afraid. You see, a virus is what we doctors call very very small. So small it could not possibly have made off with a whole leg. What we're looking for here is I think, and this is no more than an educated guess, I'd like to make that clear, is some multi-cellular life form with stripes, huge razor-sharp teeth, about eleven foot long and of the genu *felis horribilis*. What we doctors, in fact, call a tiger. All in tent: A tiger...!! [Outside, everyone engaged in battle, including the Zulus, breaks off and shouts in horror:] All: A tiger! [The Zulus run off.] Pakenham-Walsh: A tiger - in Africa? Ainsworth: Hm... Pakenham-Walsh: A tiger in Africa...? Ainsworth: Ah... well it's probably escaped from a zoo. Pakenham-Walsh: Well it doesn't sound very likely. Ainsworth: [quietly] Stumm, stumm... [A severely-wounded Sergeant staggers into the tent.] Sergeant: Sir, sir, the attack's over, sir! the Zulus are retreating. Ainsworth: [dismissively] Oh jolly good. [He turns his back to the group around Perkins.] Sergeant: Quite a lot of casualties though, sir. C Division wiped out. Signals gone. Thirty men killed in F Section. I should think about a hundred - a hundred and fifty men altogether. Ainsworth: [not very interested] Yes, yes I see, yes... Jolly good. Sergeant: I haven't got the final figures, sir. There's a lot of seriously wounded in the compound... Ainsworth: [interrupting] Yes... well, the thing is, Sergeant, I've got a bit of a problem here. [With gravity.] One of the officers has lost a leg. Sergeant: [stunned by the news] Oh *no*, sir! Ainsworth: [gravely] I'm afraid so. Probably a tiger. Sergeant: In Africa? Ainsworth and Pakenham-Walsh: Stumm, stumm... Ainsworth: The M.O. says we can stitch it back on if we find it immediately. Sergeant: Right sir! I'll organise a party right away, sir! Ainsworth: Well it's hardly time for that, is it Sergeant...? Sergeant: A search party... Ainsworth: Ah! *Much* better idea. I'll tell you what, organise one straight away. Sergeant: Yes sir! [Outside dead British bodies (of the other ranks) are everywhere.] Sergeant: [apologetically] Sorry about the mess, sir. We'll try and get it cleared up, by the time you get back. [They walk through the carnage. Orderlies are cheerfully attending to the equally cheery wounded and the only slightly less cheery dead.] A dying man: [covered in blood] We showed 'em, didn't we, sir? Ainsworth: Yes. [He gives a thumbs up and dies.] Sergeant: [addressing a soldier who is giving water to a dying man] We've got to get a search party, leave that alone. Another cheery ****ney: [with an assegai sticking out of his chest] This is fun, sir, init... all this killing... bloodshed... bloody good fun sir, init? Ainsworth: [abstracted] Yes... very good. [He waves and moves on.] A severed head: Morning, sir! Ainsworth: Nasty wound you've got there, Potter. Severed head: [cheerily] Thank you very much sir! Ainsworth: Come on private - we're making up a search party. Another terrible casualty: Better than staying at home, eh sir! At home if you kill someone they arrest you. Here they give you a gun, and show you what to do, sir. I mean, I killed fifteen of those buggers sir! Now at home they'd hang me. *Here* they give me a ****ing medal sir! [The search party for Perkins's leg is passing through thick jungle. As they emerge into a clearing they suddenly see a tiger's head sticking out of some bushes.] Ainsworth: Look! [Their eyes follow along the bushes to where the tiger's tail is sticking out several yards away. For a moment it looks like a very long tiger.] My God, it's *huge*! [The tiger's head rises up out of the thicket with its paws up. The tiger's rear end backs out of the thicket further down.] Rear end: Don't shoot... don't shoot. We're not a tiger. [Takes off head.] We were just... um... Ainsworth: Why are you dressed as a tiger? Rear end: Hmmm... oh... why! Why why... isn't it a lovely day today...? Ainsworth: Answer the question. Rear end: Oh we were just er... Front end: Actually! We're dressed like this because... oh no that's not it. Rear end: We did it for a lark. Part of a spree. High spirits you know. Simple as that. Front end: Nothing more to it... [All stare.] Well *actually*... we're on a mission for British Intellingence, there's a pro-Tsarist Ashanti Chief... Rear end: No, no. Front end: No, no, no. Rear end: No, no we're doing it for an advertisement... Front end: Ah that's it, forget about the Russians. We're doing an advert for Tiger Brand Coffee. Rear end: 'Tiger Brand Coffee is a real treat Even tigers prefer a cup of it to real meat'. [Pause.] Ainsworth: Now look... Rear end: All right, all right. we are dressed as a tiger because he had an auntie who did it in 1839 and this is the fiftieth anniversary. Front end: No. We're doing it for a bet. Rear end: God told us to do it. Front end: To tell the truth, we are completely mad. we are inmates of a Bengali psychiatric institution and we escaped by making this skin out of old cereal packets... Perkins: It doesn't matter. Ainsworth: What? Perkins: It doesn't matter why they're dressed as a tiger, have they got my leg? Ainsworth: Good thinking. Well have you? Rear end: Actually! Ainsworth: Yes. Rear end: It's because we were thinking of training as taxidermists and we wanted to get a feel of it from the animal's point of view. Ainsworth: Be quiet. Now, look we're just asking you if you have got this man's leg... Front end: A wooden leg? Ainsworth: No, no, a proper leg. Look he was fast asleep and someone or something came in and removed it. Front end: Without waking him up? Ainsworth: Yes. Front end: I don't believe you. Rear end: We found the tiger skin in a bicycle shop in Cairo, and the owner wanted to take it down to Dar Es Salaam. Ainsworth: Shut up. Now look, have you or have you not got his leg? Rear end: Yes. Front end: No. No no no. Both: No no no no no no. Nope. No. Ainsworth: Why did you say 'yes'? Front end: I didn't. Ainsworth: I'm not talking to you... Rear end: Er... er... Ainsworth: Right! Search the thicket. Front end: Oh come on, I mean do we look like the sort of chaps who'd creep into a camp at... night, steal into someone's tent, anaesthetise them, tissue-type them, amputate a leg and run away with it? Ainsworth: Search the thicket! Front end: Oh *leg*! You're looking for a *leg*. Actually I think there is one in there somewhere. Somebody must have abandoned it here, knowing you were coming after it, and we stumbled across it actually and wondered what it was... They'll be miles away by now and I expect we'll have to take all the blame. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slateman Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 That was a really, really long post . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sherlock Holmes Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 That's just the way we are.Imagine if the same thing happened to a soccer player! Been watching the Ashes? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blighty Skins Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 In soccer players defence, when was the last time an NFL player had a titanium plate clamped onto his skull? article Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkinnedAussie Posted December 5, 2006 Author Share Posted December 5, 2006 Timmy, you should have mentioned your post is in fact a Monty Python sketch, for those that didn't know (and for copyright purposes). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SUNSTONE Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 In soccer players defence, when was the last time an NFL player had a titanium plate clamped onto his skull?article That's how soft they are. You don't see boxers or MMA fighters wearing helmets do you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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