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A Married Man's Guide To Watching the NFL Draft


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A Married Man's Guide To Watching the NFL Draft


Monday, April 16 at 05:14 PM AZ

By Ryan Borgoyne

If your wife is like mine, she doesn't understand the NFL Draft and will most likely not let you watch it. There is hope for you, I have devised a plan to help you not only watch the NFL draft, but be able to enjoy it without giving anything up in return.

The first thing you must remember is, your wife does not understand. You can explain it to her, draw it out for her and explain it again, she will never understand. With this in mind you must be delicate in your negotiations.

Rule #1 - Under no circumstances will you tell her how important it is to you. She will see how powerful she can become by using the draft as a tool against you to do her evil bidding.

Rule #2 - Never commit to anything in return for letting you watch the draft. Two years ago I promised a full day of shopping in return of watching the draft. The day she chose.....week 1 of the NFL season. Learn from my mistakes

Rule #3 - Never tell her the draft is two days long. You will pay double if she finds this out during negotiations, so don't let her know until Sunday morning.

Next when you go to the negotiating table, she may come armed with some excuses, be ready

Excuse #1 - "Can't you just tape it?" No!!! This coming from the woman who wanted me to tape the World Series.....it isn't the same!!!

Excuse #2 - "I thought that was out day together" I see you everyday, why is 'our' day always on the same day that I need to watch something Put your foot down!!!

Excuse #3 - "You can use the 'little TV' in our bedroom" This is where she has gone too far, you will not be subjected to seeing Mel Kipers little head on a 13" TV. You need the 52 incher in the living room!

If you wife has a memory like mine does, she will remember if you watched the draft last year. If this is so she now has compensation draft picks against you if you watch to watch it again this year.

Those compensations break down like this:

1st Round Pick: You watched the entire draft (both days) on the living room TV and ran back and forth to the internet.

Compensation: She has you by the balls, most likely a vacation where she wants to go. Touring all 31 Major League baseball parks is out of the question

2nd Round Pick: Last year you watched all day Saturday and used the internet, went to church on Sunday.

Compensation: Shopping Spree on your Credit Card

3rd Round Pick: Watched both day on the internet.

Compensation: Dinner at a nice "womanly" place most likely "Marie Calenders"

4th Round Pick: Watch all day sunday, missed church.

Compensation: Mother in law is coming over for dinner

5th Round Pick: Same as above but you went to Church.

Compensation: Go to Mother-in-laws for dinner

6th and 7th round: These are pretty close, this is if you watched only your team drafting picks. She never noticed you flipping the channels you are safe here.

Just a few extra tips:

If you have kids, offer to "watch" them while she goes out shopping, sure she will spend some money, but you will get off cheaper in the long run. Also call your niece over to come watch them and let her use the phone to call her boyfriend

Move the computer into the living room, less movement means you're less noticeable.

Don't flip the channels around, if she sees this, she may think you aren't watching anything in particular

Finally, no matter how bad you have to go to the bathroom, never leave the TV unattended, you are likely to comeback to find the TV on the Food Network or something. Go before and after the draft, suck it up!!

Good luck men!

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This will be the first draft I've missed in a while. I'm flying back to DC for my nephew's wedding. Since he's causing me to miss the draft, I'll tell him my attendance there IS his wedding present. :evil:

What stations in the DC area carry ESPN radio? I'll have my portable with me during the ceremony. :cool:

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I am so depressed. Im going to miss a good chunk of the draft because of an exam. I havent missed a draft in at least 10 years.

When i was in high school i was on a school trip to new york. on draft day a friend and i went from sports bar to sports bar to see which ones would let us stay to watch the draft. Good old Harley Davidson Cafe. So while the rest of my tour group was going through some art gallery and getting culture i got to watch the nfl draft. im a big draft geek and not many people can comprehend it.

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I will simply tell my wife that I am watching it and she needs to get me beers and sandwiches during the day........

she's not reading this is she?

Really though, I volunteered to work this Saturday, so I'll watch it online with her none the wiser.

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