How much did your spouse's family affect your choice to marry him/her?

[redman]

It's a rhetorical question to be sure. It was prompted believe it or not by Fuji's Chinese tantra, which says among other things never to judge a person by their family members.

I was raised by a mother who constantly told me (while often rolling her eyes at her in-laws) that, "when you marry someone you marry their family". I've been married (for the first time) now for over 15 months, and so far I think that she's exactly right.

I thought she was right even before I was married, and even before I met my wife, however, as I often saw red flags in someone's family situation that were indeed indicators of deal-breaking problems with the other person. Conversely, while I fell in love with my wife virtually immediately, I was greatly reassured about her when I spent our first Christmas Eve together with her extended family at their annual get-together, as the way I saw them all interact looked very familiar to me.

I note, however, that both I and my wife come from families who are close knit and who continue to be greatly involved in our lives, even after our marriage and even after we have bought a home across town from both of them, i.e. 20+ miles away. So perhaps my experience is not the norm.

What are everyone else's thoughts and experiences on this?

[Kilmer17]

NONE. In fact, we probably would have never married if I had.

The good news is that I get along with them swimingly now.

[Henry]

I guess it depends on how close you are with your family. If you aren't particularly close with your family and your intended isn't with hers, then I guess it wouldn't matter much.

My wife and I are both very close to our repective families. We live a few miles from my parents, while hers are a 6 hour drive away. So I guess my wife married my family for now. I like hers too, and they would definately be around all the time if they lived nearby. So in our case, it definately mattered.

[gbear]

Hmm, well, I met my fiance through her sister who was my best friend in college. I used to go hang out with her parents when I was in the neiberhood before I started hanging out with my now fiance.

So in that respect, I've always liked her parents. Still, that wasn't a real factor in my deciding to date or marry her. It is however a cool bonus.

It does however create the occassional odd situation. Her sister is getting married in August in Germany. Evidently, they don't have big wedding parties in a German wedding. I was asked to be her sisters whatever the term for a male maid of honor. In any event, my fiance thought it was a little wierd for her boyfirend to be in her sister's wedding and for her not to be.

[skinsfan44]

Yes, it was one of the things I looked for with my wifes family. If you can't get along with the inlaws, then it would make life alot harder for you. I got lucky, my inlaws loved me from the start. I use to go fishing with my father inlaw(now deceased) and her mother would wait on me hand and foot everytime I came over to their house. I got along with her cousins, aunts and uncles.

Yes, it played a big part in when I desided to marry my wife.

We will be married 21 years come this June.

[codeorama]

I am extremely close to my family. My wife was close but nowhere near as close to her family. Her family ended up moving overseas a year or so after we were married.

I liked her family ok, but it was one of those situations where I was not as comfortable like with my family. I did not like spending time with them in the same way. I ended up getting close with her dad before they moved away and now, I wouldn't mind if they lived close again.

Luckily, because my family is so close, my wife is treated like the daugher or granddaughter my mom and grandmother never had.

My brother is a total different case.

His inlaws are nuts and so annoying, I would have never married his wife just because of that. He leaves his house often when they visit.