The ES Tailgate All Time Knockdown Dragout Brawl

[btfoom]

An oldie but goodie - enjoy:

The Origination of Political Ideology

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic

hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer

and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the

invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented

to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization

and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two

distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals

and

2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the

beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can

were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting

for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.

That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q

[font=Courier New]at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what[/font]

is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned

to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and

doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of

the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The

rest became known as girlie-men or wussies. Some noteworthy liberal

achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group

therapy, group hugs, and the concept of voting to decide how to divide

the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the

largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant.

Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

A few modern liberals like Mexican light beer (with lime added),

but most prefer a chilled glass of Sauvignon Blanc, with passion fruit

and kiwi aromas, or Perrier bottled water. They eat raw

fish but dislike beef. Sushi, tofu, and French food are also standard liberal fare.

Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of the liberals' women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers,

personal injury attorneys, Ivy League professors, journalists, dreamers

in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the

designated-hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also

bat.

Conservatives drink Sam Adams, Harpoon, IPA, or Yuengling Lager.

They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are

big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers,

firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives,

athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively.

Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who

want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the

producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe

Europeans are more enlightened than Americans--that is why most of the

liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America.

Liberals only crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson. It should be noted

that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above

before forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so

convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be

forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just

to tick them off

[herrmag]

AHFB debate.

Doesn't that fall under the "Gheyness" optioin? :paranoid: