smashmowf Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 Well...funny if its not your kid... :laugh: A GOOD reason to give a child a whooping! A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you sons of ****es who want off, get the hell off now... cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of ****es who are getting on, get your asses on the train... cause we're going down the tracks. " The horrified mother went into the living room and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train... but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom ! and resumed playing with this train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say..."All passengers, please remember your things, thank you and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She heard her little darling continue..."For those of you just boarding, remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the ***** in the kitchen..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
england Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 most amusing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smashmowf Posted March 8, 2006 Author Share Posted March 8, 2006 Oops sorry about that mods.....didnt realize the "B" word was outlawed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cjcdaman Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 Man, that's a good one. I''l be sure to use it soon. I'll give credit to you though, smashmouf. LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
halter91 Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 Nice, I've seent that before but still funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RabidFan Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 Good stuff, kid jokes are hilarious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smashmowf Posted March 8, 2006 Author Share Posted March 8, 2006 Good stuff, kid jokes are hilarious. Yeah especially about "other" people's kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
28rdsknsfn28 Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Little Billy was bugging his mom so she sent him outside to play. He spent the entire day next door where a new house was being built. When he was called in for dinner his mom asked him what he learned. Billy says "Well Mom, I learned if the darn door don't fit you take the ****** thing down, shave a sliver off the top, a sliver off the bottom, and put the ****** thing back up!!" Billy's mom gasps in horror and sends him to his room. When Billy's dad gets home he hears his wife in the kitchen banging pots and pans. With a sigh he goes into the kitchen to see what's wrong. His wife tells him to go ask his son what he learned today. Billy's dad goes into his room and sits on the edge of the bed. When he asks Billy what he learned Billy resites "Well Dad, I learned if the darn door don't fit you take the ****** thing down, shave a sliver off the top, a sliver off the bottom, and put the ****** thing back up!!" Billy's dad is silent for a moment then says "Billy I want you to go out back to the shed and get me a switch." Billy looks him in the eye and say "**** you Dad, that's the electricians job." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarhog Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Oops sorry about that mods.....didnt realize the "B" word was outlawed As long as you don't circumvent the profanity filters, you're fine. very funny :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarhog Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Little Johnny goes back to school after Summer vacation. The pretty young teacher asks the kids who'd like to tell the class about their time off. Johnny immediately throws his hand in the air and shouts 'ooh ooh ooh, pick me!'. The teacher's already heard about young Johnny though, and picks Suzie. 'We went to the mountains and I went fishing and caught a fish thiiis big' she says. 'Thats wonderful' says the teacher. Billy again waves his hand like crazy, but the teacher picks on Teddy. 'We went to the National Zoo in Washington DC and got to see Panda Bears' says Teddy. 'Thats wonderful!' says the teacher. Finally everyone in the class has had a turn, so the teacher reluctantly says 'okay Johnny, do you want to tell the class what you did on Summer vacation?'. 'Yes maaam!' says Johnny. 'Me and my cousins, we went out to my Grandaddy's farm. He's got a barn and we piled hay up reaaaal high and went up in the loft and took turns jumping out. But my brother, he thought it would be funny to play a joke on my cousin and he hid a pitchfork in the haypile. When my cousin jumped off, that pitchfork went straight up his ass!' 'Johnny!!!' exclaimed the teacher, 'thats rectum!' she shouted. 'Rectum?' Johnny said, 'it damn near killed him!' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rumrunner6900 Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Little Johnny goes back to school after Summer vacation. The pretty young teacher asks the kids who'd like to tell the class about their time off. Johnny immediately throws his hand in the air and shouts 'ooh ooh ooh, pick me!'. The teacher's already heard about young Johnny though, and picks Suzie. 'We went to the mountains and I went fishing and caught a fish thiiis big' she says. 'Thats wonderful' says the teacher. Billy again waves his hand like crazy, but the teacher picks on Teddy. 'We went to the National Zoo in Washington DC and got to see Panda Bears' says Teddy. 'Thats wonderful!' says the teacher. Finally everyone in the class has had a turn, so the teacher reluctantly says 'okay Johnny, do you want to tell the class what you did on Summer vacation?'. 'Yes maaam!' says Johnny. 'Me and my cousins, we went out to my Grandaddy's farm. He's got a barn and we piled hay up reaaaal high and went up in the loft and took turns jumping out. But my brother, he thought it would be funny to play a joke on my cousin and he hid a pitchfork in the haypile. When my cousin jumped off, that pitchfork went straight up his ass!' 'Johnny!!!' exclaimed the teacher, 'thats rectum!' she shouted. 'Rectum?' Johnny said, 'it damn near killed him!' Very much a classic here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.