There is no such thing as Bad Parenting

[AlexRS]

I have a feeling you started this thread simply to stir the pot, and you don't honestly believe it. I mean, I hope you don't honestly believe it, because its a steaming pile of horse crap. I mean, the premise of this thread is so completely ridiculous its laughable. I can't believe it, but I'm going to side with hokie4redskins on this one; this is the most meaningless thread I've seen on this board...and that is saying a LOT.

Here are the steps again, for those who have forgotten:

1) Think

2) Search

3) Post

:doh: :doh: :doh:

I honestly believe that our children grow up to be like us. That happens no matter what because of Evolution. That process is called Parenting.

Perhaps you did not get the referecnce in the original post, it was to a song... "Cat's in the Cradle by Sandy & Harry Chapin:

My child arrived just the other day' date='

He came to the world in the usual way.

But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay.

He learned to walk while I was away.

And he was talking 'fore I knew it, and as he grew,

He'd say, "I'm gonna be like you, dad.

You know I'm gonna be like you."

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon,

Little boy blue and the man in the moon.

"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when,

But we'll get together then.

You know we'll have a good time then."

My son turned ten just the other day.

He said, "Thanks for the ball, dad, come on let's play.

Can you teach me to throw?" I said, "Not today,

I got a lot to do." He said, "That's ok."

And he walked away, but his smile never dimmmed,

Said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah.

You know I'm gonna be like him."

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon,

Little boy blue and the man in the moon.

"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when,

But we'll get together then.

You know we'll have a good time then."

Well, he came from college just the other day,

So much like a man I just had to say,

"Son, I'm proud of you. Can you sit for a while?"

He shook his head, and he said with a smile,

"What I'd really like, dad, is to borrow the car keys.

See you later. Can I have them please?"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon,

Little boy blue and the man in the moon.

"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when,

But we'll get together then, dad.

You know we'll have a good time then."

I've long since retired and my son's moved away.

I called him up just the other day.

I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind."

He said, "I'd love to, dad, if I could find the time.

You see, my new job's a hassle, and the kid's got the flu,

But it's sure nice talking to you, dad.

It's been sure nice talking to you."

And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me,

He'd grown up just like me.

My boy was just like me.

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon,

Little boy blue and the man in the moon.

"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when,

But we'll get together then, dad.

You know we'll have a good time then."

[/quote']

[AlexRS]

Parenting is not always creating a clone of yourself

Good point and I definitely agree.

I think ultimately the goal is raising your kids to be better than you.

The thing is, we forget that it all comes from us. What does wanting to raise kids that are better than us mean? It alone means that we will be successful at doing so.

And we will get better in the process. You cannot pass on something you do not have. Making your children good is the same as making yourself good. You show them how being good is like, and you cannot fake it.

People like to say "kids are this and that nowadays" - but they forget that kids are reflections of us.

[AlexRS]

Even though I don't agree with any of your points (I got lost when evolution popped out of nowhere), you should be given credit for standing up to everyone. I admire your courage.

:applause:

I appreciate your kind words but I do not deserve any credit here... I was not fighting or defending anything, so courage was not needed.

Courage for trying to clarify a misunderstanding

[Henry]

Kids will have the same moral compass their parents do.

Not if they are bad parents.

You can be a great man with strong morals and be a bad parent. For example John Adams, a purtian, had a son, Thomas, who died an alcoholic at age 30. Adams lavished all his attention on his first son, John Quincy, who eventually became President of the United States.

See, he was a good parent to one of his kids and a bad parent to the other. Same guy. Go figure.

[rictus58]

Not if they are bad parents.

You can be a great man with strong morals and be a bad parent. For example John Adams, a purtian, had a son, Thomas, who died an alcoholic at age 30. Adams lavished all his attention on his first son, John Quincy, who eventually became President of the United States.

See, he was a good parent to one of his kids and a bad parent to the other. Same guy. Go figure.

My mother in law was a raging coke and alcohol addict in the 80s. My wife turned out fine. Never has done drugs of any kind. Her sister is a crack whore (literally). So please Alex, tell me how evolution played a role in this?

[AlexRS]

Thankyou Painkiller,

I don't how many morons out there subscribe to the nature side of the "nature vs. nurture" argument, but what are these idiots thinking about?

I'm sure calling them morons and idiots will help you understand where they are coming from. :laugh:

The "nature vs nurture" thing is different from person to person. This is a long discussion that deserves it's own thread.

To make the long story short, you would be surprised as to how much of our behavior is guided by our nature.

I could even argue that all of it is guided by our nature unless we examine our behavior (and change it if necessary).

For example, can you tell me one good reason to have a negative emotion? Any negative emotion will do.

If you are having problems coming up with one then tell me this. Why do we have them?

[rictus58]

For example, can you tell me one good reason to have a negative emotion? Any negative emotion will do.

If you are having problems coming up with one then tell me this. Why do we have them?

Hate is a negative emotion. we have hate because we have been hurt. we use our hate to avoid being hurt again.

Example: I have a girlfriend. I Love her. She cheats on me. I am hurt, I hate her. Because I hate her, I avoid her. Thereby decreasing the chances that she will hurt me again.

[AlexRS]

Not if they are bad parents.

You can be a great man with strong morals and be a bad parent. For example John Adams, a purtian, had a son, Thomas, who died an alcoholic at age 30. Adams lavished all his attention on his first son, John Quincy, who eventually became President of the United States.

See, he was a good parent to one of his kids and a bad parent to the other. Same guy. Go figure.

That's an excellent point!

I think I kinda focused on the positive side of this... You know, improving from generation to generation, becoming better people each time around.

Can the process go backwards? I am not sure. There had to be something going on with John Adams in order to treat his child like so. What was JA's family like? Was he a first child or no? Do you know what I mean?

[AlexRS]

Hate is a negative emotion. we have hate because we have been hurt. we use our hate to avoid being hurt again.

Example: I have a girlfriend. I Love her. She cheats on me. I am hurt, I hate her. Because I hate her, I avoid her. Thereby decreasing the chances that she will hurt me again.

Do you need hate to protect yourself from hurt? Nope. You can just avoid her. Same thing but more effective and without any negative emotions.

[Guest sith lord]

This is very tricky. Because you can be a good parent and still have kids that turn out bad and you can be a bad parent and have kids that turn out successful. But to the original poster, don't tell me there's no bad or good parenting. I've seen both and usually if you're a bad parent, and there's many ways to be a bad parent, more than likely, your kids are gonna suffer for it in the long run. But if you're a good parent, your kids are more than likely to benefit from it in the long run.

[tizzod]

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon...

"The cat's in the kettle at the Peking Moon...same place I eat every day at noon..."

[AlexRS]

This is very tricky. Because you can be a good parent and still have kids that turn out bad and you can be a bad parent and have kids that turn out successful. But to the original poster, don't tell me there's no bad or good parenting. I've seen both and usually if you're a bad parent, and there's many ways to be a bad parent, more than likely, your kids are gonna suffer for it in the long run. But if you're a good parent, your kids are more than likely to benefit from it in the long run.

How can you be a "good maker of something" if that "something" does not turn out well?

[DeanCollins]

I'm sure calling them morons and idiots will help you understand where they are coming from. :laugh:

The "nature vs nurture" thing is different from person to person. This is a long discussion that deserves it's own thread.

To make the long story short, you would be surprised as to how much of our behavior is guided by our nature.

I could even argue that all of it is guided by our nature unless we examine our behavior (and change it if necessary).

For example, can you tell me one good reason to have a negative emotion? Any negative emotion will do.

If you are having problems coming up with one then tell me this. Why do we have them?

First the derogatory remarks I made were not directed to any that posted in this thread, as Na vs. Nu. wasn't adressed till now.

For the most part I agree with your statement that negative emotions are

a waste of energy. Obviously fear is usefull as it triggers the "fight or flight" mechanism. Grieving is a necesssary process needed to accept losses. Anger would prepare us for a life threatening confrontation although it's debatable how useful it is compared to a disaplined fighter.

You are correct that part of our behaviorial response is influenced by our experiences. We do have the ability to learn, through intospection, and modify our perception of past experiences in order to see the future in a different light, but most can't, don't know how, or won't. For the most part the ego, while funtioning to preserve self, will prevent the understanding, or desire of/for this process by way of denial.

[Guest sith lord]

How can you be a "good maker of something" if that "something" does not turn out well?

You ever heard the saying, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink?" The samething applies here. You can teach and show him/her the way, but that doesn't mean they will follow.

[justin_totti10]

Watch Dr. Phil and youll find out what bad parenting is

[AlexRS]

You ever heard the saying, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink?" The samething applies here. You can teach and show him/her the way, but that doesn't mean they will follow.

Considering horses need water to survive, I am sure they'd start drinking at some point

I guess parents' goal is to teach their children how to walk - not show them where to go.

[AlexRS]

Watch Dr. Phil and youll find out what bad parenting is

Dr. Phil is very funny... he's also pretty good at playing on people's insecurities. Too bad people who actually educate do not get that kind of attention.