GhostofSparta

48 minutes ago, TheDoyler23 said:

DONGS..... Dongs everywhere. 

Is it any wonder that Buck loves the long ball?

3 hours ago, visionary said:

Ha ha ha ha!

 

 

Wait, hold up. Is that a typo, or is Reince celebrating a Touchback?

http://www.cracked.com/article_24558_giraffe-boxing-7-times-nature-went-off-rails.html

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#7. The Fabulous, Cartwheeling Flic-Flac Spider

If spiders terrify you, you're not alone. Most of us agree they are horrifying, unsettling little poisonous things, and if you think differently we have bad news: When spiders can't smell fear in a human, they wait until they're asleep and crawl into their ears and mouth. Anyone not scared of spiders has at least 12 of them living and nesting inside their body at any time.

And while we're sharing fun facts about spiders, one of the most ferocious family of spiders is Sparassidae. They're known as Huntsman spiders and they're not only leaping, agile predators; they're pants-****tingly huge.

Geoffrey Dabb
"Let's make a bet. I can jump onto your face before you can make a fist. Go."

But every family has an embarrassing member and the black sheep of the Sparassidae clan is the flic-flac spider. It was discovered by Professor Dr. Ingo Rechenberg less than 10 years ago during a Moroccan desert jaunt, and it's ****ing stupid. The flic-flac somehow, after generations of hunting desert prey, adapted itself to travel by lunatic cartwheel.

Peter Jager/Ingo Rechenberg
Seriously.

Look at this ridiculous thing go. It's like it spends its whole life falling down the stairs. The flic-flac got its name from the gymnastics move it uses to travel (obviously). It can move up to 4.5 mph this way, which sounds like a brisk walk, but would scale to something like Mach 1 at human size. While other spiders worked out how to build enormous webs and pit traps, flic-flacs were somehow given the ability to always look like they're celebrating.

Peter Jager/Ingo Rechenberg
"She kissed me! She kissed me!!! Wheee!!! Oh god, oh god, I can't stop! Why can't I stop?! AIIIIEEEE!!!"

Oh, and they also build bizarrely unappealing tubes as nests. They construct them using their feelers and a specialized set of bristles and hold them together with spider silk. Think about what that means. It means not only did evolution create a cartwheeling spider, it created mortar tubes to launch those cartwheeling spiders. No, really. Think about what that means. Right now, this very second, you live in a world that naturally creates mortar tubes for launching cartwheeling spiders.

Ingo Rechenberg
Sleep well.

On 1/19/2017 at 2:12 PM, Rey713 said:

Wrapping your arm around a defender's neck should be called, and this play should have resulted in an automatic safety via a holding penalty.

Well if you want to get nit-picky, that hold is happening outside the endzone. Just barely, but it's at about the 1/4 yard line. Therefore it wouldn't be a safety.

6 hours ago, TheItalianStallion said:

I have to admit, their spending spree on D doesn't look so bad now.

Right? I mean, it's not like a massive FA heavy offseason leading to a 1-and-done WC berth has ever come back to bite a team in the ass a couple of years down the road, cap-wise...

Edit: wrong thread.

3 hours ago, Dan T. said:

A final "**** You" from 2016:

 

2016 ending on a Saturday means that January of 2017 is going to have a Friday the 13th.

It truly is the year that keeps on giving.

2 minutes ago, redskins59 said:

I would like to see some sacks.

Packers at Redskins Game Day Thread.

Does that dude have a gyroscope in his abdomen? That's inhuman.

How the ****?

http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-horror-filled-space-experiments-brought-to-you-by-nasa/

In space, no one can hear you shriek in fear like a little girl.

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#4. They Took Spiders Into Space For A Lighthearted Experiment, And They Adapted Disturbingly Well

bella67/Pixabay

If I were Science King, my second order of business would be to punch any subordinate who begins his grant pitch with "Let's take some spiders and ..." squarely in the groin and throw them in the scorpion pit. It wouldn't be a spider pit, because my first order of business would be to nuke all spiders. (Yes, I realize spiders are important to the ecosystem. I wouldn't be a very good Science King.)

That's why it pains me to see that not only are we happily taking spiders to space, but that they'reactually adapting eerily well.

In 2008, NASA figured that they'd get children interested in space by introducing spiders, which is sound logic in the sense that a cool car captures far more attention when you stuff it full of murderous clowns. So they sent a couple of orb-weaving spiders -- the same species as Charlotte from Charlotte's Web -- to the International Space Station and let them do their thing. At first, the spiders were clueless in their new weightless environment, and weaved their webs like drunk frat boys in a confetti factory:

NASA
Ha! Stupid spiders.

And if that would've been the end of it, no one would have batted an eyelid. But after a couple of days' hiatus, the spiders gave it another go. They tore down the original web, set to work again, and somehow leveled the **** up:

NASA
D-did I say "stupid"? I meant "Sir."

Yep, in a matter of days, two spiders figured out a completely alien environment and adjusted accordingly, weaving perfect webs in the weightless abyss of space. The story doesn't tell whether they escaped immediately afterwards by weaving their own fully functional spaceship and flying it to another planet to further advance their newfound space skills, but let's just say it wouldn't surprise me if David Bowie turned out to be a prophet.

http://www.cracked.com/article_24304_6-ways-animals-are-evolving-just-to-screw-us_p2.html

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#1. Spiders Will Be Spiders At You

Ellie Kay / Wiki Commons

You don't believe us. You don't accept that nature hates you. You think we need to live in harmony with the environment. This is you:

Bryce McQuillan / Wiki Commons, Sybe Bakker / iStock
WHY ARE YOU SMILING?!

Huntsman spiders -- which you may recognize as the world's most terrifyingly gigantic ****ing spiders -- have begun their official war-march on civilization. Already, Australians are running straight off the road thanks to surprise Huntsman ambushes while driving.

"Easily countered," you say. "I'll simply don a biohazard suit, grab my flamethrower, and thoroughly inspect the interior of my car before ever setting off anywhere." You think you're so smart. Then, right when you're feeling safe, you flick the headlights on and see the gargantuan, scrambling shadow of this:

damonline / Reddit
Pictured: Your headlight. Not pictured: You, dead of a horror-stroke in the driver's seat.

We don't have any hard statistics as to exactly how many fatal accidents were the direct result of terrier-sized spiders skittering across the dashboard, but we estimate that, within an error range of .57, the number is "too goddamned many."

Megan Roberts / YouTube
Honestly, this guy alone is too goddamned many.

RIP Predicto.

My hero!

Just wait until they start talking about the yellow fringe in the flag.

You know, I grew up watching King of the Hill. It terrifies me more and more each day that Dale Gribble has gone from crazy but amusing cartoon character to being actual people in real life.

Simply put - Europe doesn't know what's best for the UK

 

But England knows whats best for Wales, Scotland (sort of), and Northern Ireland?

1). How many people got killed with a ballot, last year?

 

Directly? Like, murdered by a piece of paper? Probably nobody.

Indirectly/metaphorically? Probably a whole bunch. Mostly foreigners though, so it's fine.

-Though, to be fair, a bet of bunch of them were killed directly by our guns too, so I guess it's a wash?

You'd think with the proliferation of the internet, that the men would at least have a stronger grip.

more penetrating guys. 

"Welcome to the Redskins Steven Daniels" thread.

For those who are somewhat mentally challenged

Calling those who prefer reading to watching videos mentally challenged? I smell a conspiracy to dumb down 'Murica.

Good stuff China. Easy, subtle test to weed out the ES Gold members from the common plebs.

Even 6 inches, point is the same

From the "I'm gonna text in a movie theater and you ****ers can't stop me" thread.

First draft, I made a couple of trades and went heavy on D after this past season.

Your score is: 7660 (GRADE: A) 

Your Picks:
Round 1 Pick 27 (G.B.): Jaylon Smith, OLB/ILB, Notre Dame ( B )
Round 2 Pick 22: Jarran Reed, DT, Alabama (A+)
Round 2 Pick 27 (G.B.): Kevin Dodd, DE, Clemson (A+)
Round 3 Pick 21: Alex Collins, RB, Arkansas (A)
Round 5 Pick 9 (T.B.): Keyarris Garrett, WR, Tulsa (A+)
Round 5 Pick 17 (BUF): Sean Davis, CB/FS, Maryland (B+)
Round 5 Pick 19: Alex Redmond, OG, UCLA (A-)
Round 6 Pick 12: Cyrus Jones, CB, Alabama (A+)
Round 7 Pick 11: D.J. Reader, DT, Clemson (A-)
Round 7 Pick 21: Arjen Colquhoun, CB, Michigan State (B+)

Now to play around a little more and see what I can change.

2nd draft, no trades (once again, D heavy, especially D-line):

Your score is: 8116 (GRADE: A) 

Your Picks:
Round 1 Pick 21: Andrew Billings, DT, Baylor (A+)
Round 2 Pick 22: Jarran Reed, DT, Alabama (A+)
Round 3 Pick 21: Dominique Alexander, ILB, Oklahoma (B-)
Round 4 Pick 22: De'Runnya Wilson, WR, Mississippi State (A+)
Round 5 Pick 19: Deiondre' Hall, CB, Northern Iowa (A)
Round 6 Pick 12: C.J. Prosise, RB, Notre Dame (A+)
Round 7 Pick 11: Mike Hilton, CB, Ole Miss (A+)
Round 7 Pick 21: D.J. Reader, DT, Clemson (A)

Who do the Bills think they are? They haven't been good in 20years. Why fire a proven coach after 2 seasons? Makes no sense

Probably because they haven't been to the playoffs in 17 years. And they may still have hopes of moving to Toronto. If they can pull that off after next year, why not fresh city with a fresh new coach? Not saying I think it's sound (I'd hate to play in the same division as the Pats until Brady retires), but we're all shocked that Fisher is staying while the Rams move so...

Red Ryan....a proven coach? He failed with the jets. How many years has it been since he took a team to the playoffs, 5 years? I've always thought he's overrated.

3 straight AFCCG with Sanchez at QB is nothing to sneeze at. But it's not like the Bills have been relevant since 1999.

I am 29. Does that qualify me?

Yep. Me too. Generally anyone born between 1981-1999.