kevhow Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 I don't post on here too often, but I have been here for the last year or so, and I respect most of your opinions, so...... I have been dating a girl for 4 months....and I am really falling for her. Last week her 4 year old daughter, whom I haven't met yet, was diagnosed with leukemia. I don't want this to change our relationship, but I'd be kidding myself if I didn't think it was going to.... She has told me a couple times that she wouldn't blame me if I left her, but I don't want to leave, and I know she doesn't want me to leave either.... So basically I'm asking if anyone has been in a similar situation, and what did you do????? This is tough..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkinsForLife260 Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 Sorry man, since I am only 15 I haven't been in your situaton. my opinion is no good. Just Follow your heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afparent Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 if you really have feelings for her, then stick with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Om Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 Simply depends on what you mean by "really falling for her." If you love the girl to the point where you're considering spending the rest of your life with her, then you love ALL of her already ... including the hard parts. Real love isn't conditional. If you don't feel that way about her, or if you're just not sure yet ... this will surely make you face your own feelings. Just whatever you do, be honest, both with her and with yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stone Cold Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 If you love the girl to the point where you're considering spending the rest of your life with her, then you love ALL of her already ... including the hard parts. Real love isn't conditional. couldn't agree with this statement any more. believe me when i say it (coming from a dude that's 28 and has 4 kids, from the same woman that i've been married to for 8 years...after dating for 4 years) it's the hard that makes it what it is...the greatest thing on earth that we humans are allowed to have. you can't love someone in slices...:2cents: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jagsbch Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 Change is inevitable... 4 months and you haven't met her daughter yet? This disturbs me right off the bat. They both need you now more than ever... I know you probably think you are setting yourself up for a guilt trip from hell if you split... But, if you have any reservations, and feel like you are not ready to take on the storm ahead, then you better search them out and get to the bottom of them and how... The last thing these two need is someone who is tossed in the sea of indicision while they are dealing with this storm of adversity. You will just make matters worse if you pull out later, especially if the kid gets attached... The chick is blown away about her kid, now is the best time for you to make a break, while she is occupied with her Kid, you will be trivia in a matter of minutes or days, she has bigger fish to fry... Be honest and let her know your not ready if you don't think you have the nads to pull it off... If you stay base it on the fact that you have decided that she is worth walking on fire for, because that is what she is about to do, and if your with her... 4 months could be an eternity, or a flash in the pan. Are you the guy who is constantly falling for Chicks? Or is this something that you feel is one of those once in a blue moon deals... Is it magical, or practical? Because you can throw practical right out the window now... These two are about to get caught up in a world of ****, the last thing they need is someone who is unstable in the relationship. They need a rock to hang on too, now more than ever, this is their tsunami, and those waves have already started battering. Are you ready? If you are tell her, and let her know as soon as possible. Let her know something one way or the other, so she can focus on her kid, with or without having to add to the pain with the thought of having to wonder what you are thinking. Be dead or be strong... You have to ask yourself a question, and be honest with yourself, the kid deserves that much... Am I just a shallow superficial person looking for a practical relationship? Nothing wrong with admitting it if it's true... Or am I a guy who has fallen for a girl that I am willing to go to the depths of hell with, just so I can be with her? I wish you well in your decision... This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man. Farewell; my blessing season this in thee! -- William Shakespeare Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
panthro Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 kevhow, firstly, you must be honest with yourself. ask yourself these questions: 1) do i feel deeply enough about this woman to be with her through what will probably be the worst time in her life, i.e., am i willing to take a backseat to her daughter and the subsequent pain through these circumstances? 2) am i willing to give, give and then give some more and receive little in return during this time? the mother will need support and a servant's heart more than anything during this time, and she will have little to offer in return. you will be required to serve her with your hands and heart an incredible amount. 3) are you prepared to have the father (and possibly his family) re-enter the picture in a large way during this time? the dad (if he's around) will (and should) become a significant part of the scene. secondly, if you can make it through those questions with answers and the love to want to see this through no matter what, then talk to the woman you love. be honest with her about your feelings for her, your sympathy for the situation and your fears. above all, reassure her that you're willing to be there no matter what. see what her reaction is. she may be so overwhelmed that she can't deal with a relationship in addition to everything else. allow her to make a choice too, and let her know that whatever decision she makes, you will respect. her daughter has been a part of her life a lot longer than 4 months, and you must always respect that relationship more than you respect the one you have with her yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riggins44 Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 When I met my wife, she had two children from a previous marriage. Early on she had me meet them so I could see it was a package deal. Luckily, the kids and I got along very well. I knew when we decided to get married that I was getting two children. I loved her, so I knew these kids were partly my responsiblity. As others have said, a lot has to do with how strong your feelings are for her and her for you. It won't be easy since her daughter has an illness, but if you really love her you can work through anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
COLES80GURL Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 :helmet: I am so sorry to hear this. Being a female I would say she probally needs you now more than ever. Not saying that she didnt need you before this, but her emotions are going a mile a minute and you are comfort to her. As a man you need to act like the rock......support her, let her cry on you, help her stand strong, and be very compasionate and understanding! This will be a big step for the both of you and your relationship. The good thing is doctors have so many things they can do now for Luekemia. Where are you guys at? Close to Johns Hopkins in Maryland....I suffer with Chrons Diesase and I go there for visits.....great place. Keep in touch with us and let us know how things are going! Good luck and stay strong! Thoughts and prayers are with you! :helmet: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
REDKORN Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 If you have feelings for her, and it sounds like you do, give her all the support she needs. Not only as a boyfriend, but as a friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HTTR42 Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 kevhow, Panthro has given you some really good advice, this is a time for you to do some soul searching and really give yourself honest answers to the questions he posed. I had been dating a guy for about 2 months when my 7 year old daughter was diagnosed with non-hodgkins lymphoma, which is very similar to leukemia and actually follows the same protocol. I told him to take a few days and to consider many of the same things Panthro mentioned and that the decision he made had to be firm. Either in or out. Out was OK because as jagsbch said, you really will be lost in her struggle ahead. In meant no turning back, leaving in the midst of things will only be one more thing for these two to deal with. I can tell you a little bit about what you will be dealing with in the months ahead. First, childhood leukemia has over an 80% cure rate and that number is rising every day. Every child is different in their reaction to treatment, but here are some things you can count on. Daily day long trips to the hospital in the beginning for chemo treatment. Keeping up with numerous medications, up to 75-80 pills a day. Chemo injections at home. Days of inpatient stays at the hospital. Every time this child runs a tempature, no matter what time of day or night, you must go straight to the emergency room and a minimum of a 4 day hospital stay. Blood transfusions, spinal taps, breathing treatments. Neutropenia, which is virtually no immune system, is present most of the time. This means no going out in public, no visitors, no fresh fruit. Flushing intraveneous lines at home, administering intraveneous antiobiotics. Dealing with numerous doctors, nurses, social workers and psychologists. Insurance companies, medical bills, and other medical personnel. Is your head spinning yet? My intention is not to scare you off, but to show you REALITY. This whirlwind will probably only last 6 - 9 months and then things do improve and slow down. It is a crazy, crazy time but there are rewards. A closer relationship with this family, special bonds with other families you will meet and the ultimate goal in this whole ordeal: life. If you decide you can't do this, break it off now with no guilt and no regrets. That's life and everyone moves on. If you decide to take this ride, please feel free to contact me anytime for a voice of been there, done that. I truly wish this family and you the best of luck and I will be thinking of all. By the way, my daughter is now almost 12 and beautiful. The fellow I was seeing decided to stick it out and he was our rock. We are no longer together, but for entirely different reasons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevhow Posted December 31, 2004 Author Share Posted December 31, 2004 I just wanted to thank everyone. It's nice to know there are people out here that I can talk with if I need them. Everyday I'm surprised by how great this site is. Anyway, thanks again, and I'll be sure to keep you updated... Oh, and she's a cowboys fan, if that changes anyone's opinion... :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bugs' Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 Originally posted by kevhow I don't post on here too often, but I have been here for the last year or so, and I respect most of your opinions, so...... I have been dating a girl for 4 months....and I am really falling for her. Last week her 4 year old daughter, whom I haven't met yet, was diagnosed with leukemia. I don't want this to change our relationship, but I'd be kidding myself if I didn't think it was going to.... She has told me a couple times that she wouldn't blame me if I left her, but I don't want to leave, and I know she doesn't want me to leave either.... So basically I'm asking if anyone has been in a similar situation, and what did you do????? This is tough..... I believe if you truly love someone then you will do whatever it takes to be with them. Even the best or relationships will have their trials....if you truly love her then you already know the answer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
halter91 Posted January 1, 2005 Share Posted January 1, 2005 I'll give you some simple advice.if you really love, then you do want to be with her. If you have mixed feelings, or you are unsure, then maybe deep down inside you don't care fo as much as you think you do. If i were head over heels for this chick, I would want to be with her no matter what. Unfortunatly it's not an easy choice. Good Luck, and I'll send a prayer for her little girl. Godsped brother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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