redman Posted March 21, 2002 Share Posted March 21, 2002 CHARISMATIC: Only two. One to change it because their hands are already in the air; the second to hand them the new bulb. <br /><br />PENTECOSTAL: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness and sing encouragement. <br /><br />PRESBYTERIANS. None. Lights will go on and off at a predestined time & no intervention is necessary or encouraged. <br /><br />ROMAN CATHOLIC: None. Candles only, and these are changed on an unpublished Latin language periodic schedule witnessed only by a limited number of selected religious. <br /><br />BAPTISTS: At least 15. One to change the light bulb & three committees to discuss and approve the change and decide who brings potato salad and fried chicken. <br /><br />EPISCOPALIANS: Four. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, one to search futilely through the Little Green Book Of Common Instructions, and one to harp on how much better the old ways were. <br /><br />MORMONS: Five. One man to change the bulb and four wives to tell him how to do it. <br /><br />UNITARIANS: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb and your personal experience with it for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions including incandescent, fluorescent, halogen, carbon arc, three-way, long life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence. <br /><br />METHODISTS: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, garlic bulb or tulip bulb. A church-wide lighting service is planned for this coming Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish. <br /><br />NAZARENE: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy and provide micro-managing instructions. <br /><br />LUTHERANS: None. Lutherans don't believe in change; Martin got it right the first time. <br /><br />AMISH: What's a light bulb?<br /> <br />TRANSCENDENTALISTS: A Group of Undetermined Number. They will visualize the ideal and then think it into material being and proper installation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Om Posted March 21, 2002 Share Posted March 21, 2002 Jackpot!<br /><br />My Dad's gonna love this ... his Dad was a Unitarian mininster.<br /><br />My Mom's gonna be bummed ... she's Jewish. Left out again.<br /><br />My brother- and sister-in-law are gonna have something to talk about next Sunday ... they're both Methodist ministers.<br /><br />Me? I'm gonna be getting lots of interesting replies from the lot of them, and more ... <img border="0" title="" alt="[smile]" src="smile.gif" /> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riggo-toni Posted March 21, 2002 Share Posted March 21, 2002 How many guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?<br /><br />100. 1 to change it, and 99 to "I could've done it better than him."<br /><br />How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?<br />None, we have machines to do that nowadays.<br /><br />What do you call a drummer who doesn't have a girlfriend?<br />Homeless.<br /><br />All stupid I know, but hey, I'm a musician.<br /><br />"These go up to 11" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kefka Posted March 21, 2002 Share Posted March 21, 2002 The Amish are a very intresting group of people. If you study their history and their ideology. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skins24 Posted March 21, 2002 Share Posted March 21, 2002 That all depends....<br /><br />To some people they may be as interesting as watching grass grow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riggo-toni Posted March 21, 2002 Share Posted March 21, 2002 I have to drive thru Amish country (Lancaster, PA) to buy wood for my guitars. Nice people, but if yer car is stuck behind one of their carriages in traffic, ehh, it can try your patience a bit. And the crap (I mean that literally) all over the road.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mardi gras skin Posted March 21, 2002 Share Posted March 21, 2002 isn't south central PA a hole, Riggo?<br /><br />Oh wait. I see you're from New Jersey...forget that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riggo-toni Posted March 21, 2002 Share Posted March 21, 2002 Actually Mardi (may I call you Tuesday?), I grew up in Bethesda; hence why I'm a Skins man.<br /><br />Yes, much of Central PA is pretty bleak, as is most of NJ.<br /><br />New Jersey, the only state where Smokey the Bear says, "Ahh f%%k it, go ahead..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Posted March 21, 2002 Share Posted March 21, 2002 Outstanding redman.<br /><br />Riggo-toni, what type of wood(s) do you use? Don't know where in Jersey you are, but I may be able to hook you up with a supplier closer to you home. I have close friends in the wood working industry, and one who also made guitars. Say the word, and I'll see what I can do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mardi gras skin Posted March 22, 2002 Share Posted March 22, 2002 <img border="0" alt="[laugh]" title="" src="graemlins/laugh.gif" /> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redman Posted March 22, 2002 Author Share Posted March 22, 2002 </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by Om:<br /><strong>My Mom's gonna be bummed ... she's Jewish. Left out again.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Ok, for mother:<br /><br />JEWISH: Two. One man to change it, and his mother standing by to complain about how they don't make light bulbs the way they used to, and how the light bulb companies are charging too much, and how he never comes over unless the light bulbs are burned out, and . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Om Posted March 22, 2002 Share Posted March 22, 2002 Oy. She'll be thrilled ... <img border="0" alt="[cool]" title="" src="graemlins/cool.gif" /> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riggo-toni Posted March 22, 2002 Share Posted March 22, 2002 Pete,<br />I live in Central Jersey 20 miles north of Princeton, about halfway between Philly & NY. I use mostly mahogany, black limba, lacewood and maple, but I go down to a particular lumberyard in PA a couple times a year to pick up quilted or flamed maple for my guitar tops.<br /><br />To show I'm an equal opportunity offender, here's another Jewish joke for yous guys (Jerseyspeak for the plural form of you):<br /><br />A Jewish woman becomes the first woman ever elected President of the United States. Her mother is in the crowd on the day of her inauguration. As she approaches the podium to be sworn in, her mother turns to a stranger standing next to her and says, "You see that woman up there, her brother's a doctor!"<br /><br />From a comedian (I can't remember who):<br />"My mother was Jewish, but my father was Catholic, Wasn't a big deal until the Holidays - they kept arguing about whether to celebrate Christmas or Hanukkah. Finally, they compromised. We got a Christmas tree, but right next to it was a Jewish nativity scene - a car accident with 3 lawyers looking over it..."<br /><br /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" /> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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