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A joke about Bush

Joe Sick

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"How many members of the Bush Administration are needed to replace a light bulb? Seven.

"1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be replaced

"2. One to attack and question the patriotism of anyone who has questions about the light bulb,

"3. One to blame the previous administration for the need of a new light bulb,

"4. One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs,

"5. One to get together with Vice President Cheney and figure out how to pay Halliburton one million dollars for a light bulb,

"6. One to arrange a photo-op session showing Bush changing the light bulb while dressed in a flight suit and wrapped in an American flag,

"7. And finally one to explain to Bush the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country."

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Guy walks in to his local "Specialty Meats" store and says, "I'm having a dinner party tonight, and I'd like to serve some brain dip with crackers as one of my appetizers. What would you suggest?"

The store owners says, "Well that depends on how much money you want to spend. I have some very fine monkey brains for $1.98 per pound. Or, you may wish to try some Democratic brains at $100.00 per pound."

"A hundred dollars per pound! Why such a big difference in the price?" he asked.

"Don't you realize how many Democrats it takes to get a pound of brains?" answered the storeowner.

;) Have a nice day!

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Did Bush's silver spoon cause forked tongue?


Even if the latest rumor is true, supporters say, President Bush will not be the first Washington politician to speak with a forked tongue. The state of the president's tongue has provoked wild speculation, with critics saying Bush's snake-like appendage proves he has been deceiving the American people.

After insisting that intelligence fall guy George Tenet resigned for "personal reasons" (yeah, that's it), Bush was tight-lipped on the forked tongue issue. When asked directly, he hissed at speculation that his tongue has split down the middle, either from habitual lying or from years of rubbing against the silver spoon that has been lodged in his mouth since birth.

A source close to the president's piehole said that if Bush is forced to confront the forked-tongue issue, he will claim he injured his tongue last month when he fell off his bike. However, a bipartisan expert in political linguistics said it is more likely the president's condition is caused by the cumulative strain of playing fast and loose with the truth.

"Even the most adept prevaricator cannot expect to escape the severe tongue trauma associated with, say, telling millions of people you knew Saddam Hussein had weapons and even knew where some of them were," said Dr. Chad Lickett, an eye, ear, nose, throat and tongue specialist at Bethesda Naval Hospital.

"Even minor truth-fudging - like telling everyone you look forward to meeting with the 9/11 commission, or pretending you want the truth to come out about who leaked the identity of CIA agent Valerie Plame - can take its toll," he said.

Doctors say the condition will not hinder the president's cold-blooded approach to foreign affairs and may actually enhance his natural ability to claim he supports certain programs and then slash funding. (For more information about the president's unfortunate affliction, see BushLies.net, BushWatch.com, MoveOn.org, CommonDreams.org, Misleader.org, or dozens of other Web sites.)

Linguistic analysts also suggest that President Bush's forked tongue and silver spoon may also account for his bumbling oratorical style. Other notable presidents who have suffered from forked-tongue syndrome include Bill Clinton and Richard Nixon.

David Corn, author of "The Lies of George W. Bush," documents the president's falsehoods on tax cuts, the environment, the war on terror and best of all, his claim to be a candidate who could restore honor and integrity to the post-Clinton White House.

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President nominated for Purple Chin award

President Bush has been nominated for a Purple Chin award for being injured in the line of duty during his May 22 mountain bike tumble. The commander-in-chief reportedly was thinking about ways to fix his bone-headed war without admitting any mistakes when he hit a loose patch of dirt.

Critics dismissed it as a silly attempt to beef up his pathetic military record, first as a flighty National Guard pilot and now as a bumbling war boss foolish enough to don a flightsuit and pose with a bogus "Mission Accomplished" banner.

Bush, who nearly made the ultimate sacrifice after choking on a pretzel in January 2002, also fell off a hi-tech Segway scooter in June 2003, and dropped his pooch Barney on its head last September.

Media analysts differ on what the president might do for his next zany stunt. One suggested he parachute into a U.S. military compound in Iraq carrying a fake turkey for the troops. Another said he should accidentally shoot himself in the foot at an NRA fundraiser to divert attention from his malfeasant handling of the war.


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