Glenn X Posted January 29, 2003 Share Posted January 29, 2003 I disdain the Washington Times, but this column was just too funny to pass up. http://www.washtimes.com/sports/20030129-72959356.htm That's it — no more anything By Tom Knott THE WASHINGTON TIMES In the interest of Sean Penn's acute sensitivities, the nickname Warriors must be purged from the NBA lexicon. Not that Penn has adopted this particular cause just yet. It just happens to go with his world view, such as it is, in the manner of foreign diplomats George Clooney, Jessica Lange and the cholesterol-challenged Michael Moore, to name a few of Saddam Hussein's new best friends. Celebrating violence is not the answer. An eye for an eye, and the world goes blind, except if it is an eye belonging to a paparazzo, whereupon the eye is black because of Penn's pacifist beliefs. The Golden State Warriors are undoubtedly blind to the horror their nickname provokes. By the way, has Alec Baldwin left the country yet, as promised before the last presidential election? Or is he still hanging around, looking for an opportunity to wage a sneak stone attack on Henry Hyde's family? Just asking. Baldwin wants to save the world from the Hyde family, and Kim Basinger, his ex-wife, wants to save several hundred elephants from the circus. You can see why their union did not endure. These are incredibly uncertain times, starting with the sports nicknames that unsettle the masses. Calling Tom Ridge. Can your cabinet quantify this matter with a color-coded warning? The Lincoln (Neb.) Journal Star has decided to join its faint brethren in Portland, Ore., and Minneapolis, among others, in purging the Redskins, the nickname of the local NFL team, from its enlightened pages. It was said to be "out of respect for native people, pure and simple," the purity and simplicity of the decision a long time in the works. Richard Regan, the Maryland-based Lumbee-Cheraw Indian who has the most delicate ears in the nation, is winning the war of the aggrieved, imaginary or otherwise. It is an amusing war. There are no sticks and stones to break anyone's bones, just previously innocent words that somehow squeeze the joy out of our games and paralyze those with vast wells of intellect. Just say no to the Warriors. The Chicago Blackhawks, too. No more animal nicknames as well. The Bison? Forget it. It evokes a bad time in this nation's history. Didn't a lot of Dead White Men nearly exterminate the creature? Members of PETA require smelling salts whenever this period is mentioned in their presence. Of course, they also require smelling salts around planned hunts designed to trim the numbers of the vehicular-obsessed Bambi. Animals have feelings, too, the Terps, the Bengals, the Lions and the like. It is hard to say with the Raptors, a close call, for there are no real Raptors out there. The Colonials have to be dispatched to the dustbin of history, the same with the name of the school. Are you kidding? George Washington is just another overrated dead white man, with bad teeth and a bad wig, no less. Have you studied the back of a one-dollar bill lately? Right there, in clear print, are the words, "In God We Trust," as opposed to "In Allah We Trust." A lot of knees are shaking because of this. Please. Try to be strong. It is so hard sometimes. Why does it have to be so hard? No Cowboys. No blood for oil, either. It is a good thing the Oilers moved to Tennessee. The Padres are a bad idea. Hide the altar boys and preserve the separation of church and state. There is just so much offensive stuff out there, excluding Eminem. He is an artist who speaks for the disenfranchised , so get over it already. Incidentally, how do these artists, specifically Sting, the principal blemish on Super Bowl XXXVII, come up with their names? Why didn't Sting name himself Insufferable? Anyway, nickname by nickname, the sports world is being pressured to look deep inside its soul and come to terms with all the mental harm and suffering it is causing untold millions. This is a lawsuit waiting to happen. You just can't keep insulting the masses and expect the masses to keep buying the team's merchandise. You would never see Regan, the local Lumbee-Cheraw activist, wearing a Brad Johnson Redskins jersey. As it is, the Patriots don't feel right, New England's or George Mason's. However, the Fighting Whites are a national marketing hit, perhaps because the tribal leaders from Northern Colorado are making a statement by T-shirt and burying the awful past of Ozzie and Harriet in the process. The power of a message-carrying T-shirt is staggering. All they are saying is give sensitivity training a chance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyDave Posted January 29, 2003 Share Posted January 29, 2003 I'm envious of the fighting whities T Shirt because a fighting or peaceful homies T shirt would come across negatively. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Henry Posted January 29, 2003 Share Posted January 29, 2003 There is just so much offensive stuff out there, excluding Eminem. He is an artist who speaks for the disenfranchised , so get over it already. In general I think Knott is an idiot, but that line was d@mn funny. :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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