China

Naked man found wedged in chimney A naked man found wedged in the chimney of a supermarket in Wigan has been arrested on suspicion of burglary. Police officers discovered him trapped in a chimney breast of a Tesco Express store on Ormskirk Road, Pemberton. Firefighters were called to rescue the man who had become trapped in the chimney as he tried to get out. Police said that because the man was naked he was taken to hospital as a precaution but was treated and discharged before being arrested. A GMP spokeswoman said: "It is believed some of his clothes came off as a result of him struggling to get out of the chimney." A 22-year-old man was arrested on suspicion of burglary and remains in police custody.

Naked Man Arrested At A Vanderburgh County Park VANDERBURGH COUNTY - When Vanderburgh County Sheriff's deputies got a call about a man masturbating in a county park, neither they nor the caller knew what they were about to find. "We didn't know what he was doing, but we knew it's not right to have your pants down in a park," says witness Jeff Niemeier. On scene, deputies found 55-year old Larry Williamson sitting on a picnic table naked, masturbating, with a metal rod protruding from his penis. "Fortunately there weren't any kids or families present. He has since told us he'd gone there in the past to gratify himself," Vanderburgh County Sheriff Eric Williams says. "We saw him two or three times this past week," Niemeier says. "Just sitting at picnic tables watching children." The picnic table where deputies found Williamson naked was only feet away from the playground. Deputies say he's been arrested twice before for public indecency and nudity and he's banned from all city parks. A search of Williamson's car showed deputies the metal rod was just one of many props he'd taken to the park with him. "He had a lot of unusual things in his car that we thought were suspicious in nature," Williams says. Among those: binoculars, sex toys, male enhancement drugs, lotions, a small dog, candy and bags of cotton candy-things often used to lure children. "We're not saying that's what was going on, but it sure does send up some red flags for us," says Williams Click on the link for the full article

Naked suspect dies after stun gun use VANCOUVER, British Columbia, Oct. 1 (UPI) -- A naked man who was a bank robbery suspect near Vancouver, Canada, died after Royal Canadian Mounted Police used a stun gun on him, the RCMP said. The incident happened Tuesday in suburban Langley, British Columbia, after someone witnessed a man fleeing a bank that had just been robbed. He called police and followed the man to a residence. RCMP Cpl. Peter Thiessen said as officers deployed outside, they heard a man and woman arguing loudly then they got a surprise. "At one point, an unknown male fell through, or broke through a living room window from the second floor, landing on the ground below (naked)," Thiessen said. "He had severe cuts, lacerations, severe chest wounds." Despite his injuries, Thiessen said the man wrestled with officers and even ignored a police dog. "So with the interest of public safety, and the interest of the potential victim inside the residence and the interest of officer safety, they utilized their conducted energy weapon (a Taser)," Thiessen said. The man was later pronounced dead in a hospital, and an autopsy was scheduled, the Vancouver Sun reported. The woman in the house was arrested for questioning, police said.

I think I would've gone with the SW Airlines slogan:

Some freakshow pics: Svetlana Pankratova currently holds the Guinness World Record for the woman with the longest legs. She recently met China’s He Pingping. According to the Guinness Book of Records, He Pingping is the world’s shortest man. Look up little man!

Naked Woman Leads KC Police On Chase KANSAS CITY, Mo. -- A woman stripped naked and then led police on a high-speed chase through the streets of Kansas City Thursday night, officers said. The pursuit ended in south Kansas City near Holmes and Red Bridge roads, which was nearly 20 miles south of where she first fled from police. Officers said the woman was seen running naked through her apartment complex at 12th Street and Woodland Avenue. A neighbor told police that the woman was high on drugs. At times, the chase reached speeds of 80 mph. Police said the woman nearly hit an officer, who was putting down stop sticks in the road. The chase ended when the woman's front tire was shredded from running over stop sticks. When police caught up with her, they discovered she had two sons in the back seat, ages 6 and 8. The boys are staying with a family member. Click on the link for the full article

Stop. Hammer Time! Indiana kook busted for lewd act that involved tool, motor oil AUGUST 6--While on patrol Monday evening, an Indiana cop noticed a naked guy standing in the window of a Fort Wayne home. So she approached the man's front door, which was wide open, to investigate further. It was then that Officer S. Hughes and a colleague were treated to the sight of a prone Ronald Miller, 56, engaging in a remarkably lewd act on his living room sofa. For the dirty details, you'll have to read the below [linked] Fort Wayne Police Department report, which notes that Miller is apparently handy with a claw hammer and some motor oil. http://www.thesmokinggun.com/graphics/art4/0806082hammer1.gif

:laugh: More used car ads should be like that.

From another Fark Photoshop contest on alternates for Care Bear:

'Manure-Bomb' Thieves Fall Into Dung, Flee Crime Scene Naked BERLIN, Germany — A woman trying to make "manure bombs" using stockings, slipped into a slurry tank and fled the scene naked, German police said on Friday. ---------------------- Police Arrest Naked Bus Hijacker Maybe he lost his shirt at a casino. Police in Las Vegas say they arrested a naked man who stole a beer and then hijacked a bus several miles northeast of the Strip. A police spokesman says the man fled from a convenience store when an officer arrived to investigate a report of a shoplifter Tuesday. ----------------------- Ship man jailed after naked trip to Sheetz By Dale Heberlig July 8, 2008 A Shippensburg man landed in Cumberland County Prison Tuesday after a naked early-morning excursion. Police in Shippensburg say Brett Tyler Schatte, 21, walked into the Sheetz convenience store wearing no clothing around 2:49 a.m. Schatte reportedly ate a Slim Jim and a bag of chips and downed a bottle of Gatorade, then accosted a female customer. According to police, Schatte approached a 20-year-old woman, pulled up her shirt and tried to pull down her skirt before the woman’s boyfriend intervened and escorted Schatte outside. According to arrest papers, Schatte grabbed a jug of windshield washer fluid outside the store and threw it at the woman’s rescuer, then fled north on North Queen Street. Click on the links for the full articles

It reminds me watching a basketball game in the 1970s with the University of South Carolina, and the cheerleaders bent over and had something like this on: ...and the announcer said he wasn't going to touch that one with a ten foot pole.

Can't show the dildo one, oh well.

Jesus cat doesn't like to get his feet wet. He shoots, he scores!

Convicted forger A. Schiller was serving his time in Sing Sing prison in the late 1800s when guards found him dead in his cell. On his body they found seven regular straight pins whose heads measured the typical 47/1000ths of an inch or 1.17 millimeters in diameter. Under 500 magnification it was found that the tiny etchings seen on the heads of the pins were the words to The Lord's Prayer, which is 65 words and 254 letters long. Of the seven pins, six were silver and one was gold - the gold pin's prayer was flawless and a true masterpiece. Schiller had spent the last 25 years of his life creating the pins, using a tool too small to be seen by the naked eye. It is estimated that it took 1,863 sepatate carving strokes to make it. Schiller went blind because of his artwork.