cracka Posted May 17, 2005 Share Posted May 17, 2005 After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quantas' pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. (By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had a fatal accident.) (P= The problem logged by the pilot.) (S= The solution and action taken by mechanics.) P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in ****pit. S: Something tightened in ****pit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on backorder. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what they're for. P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in ****pit. S: Cat installed. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jrockster21 Posted May 17, 2005 Share Posted May 17, 2005 should be in the tailgate, but very funny! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheDane Posted May 17, 2005 Share Posted May 17, 2005 :laugh: Laughing my @ss off over here. That's high humor. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. :laugh: :laugh: P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. :paranoid: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXREDSKINS44 Posted May 17, 2005 Share Posted May 17, 2005 :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Those were great!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dchogs Posted May 17, 2005 Share Posted May 17, 2005 i've seen that before, but i still got a good chuckle out of those... ..."aircraft flies funny..." cracked my ass up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danbee Posted May 18, 2005 Share Posted May 18, 2005 :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: That's great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
js161 Posted May 18, 2005 Share Posted May 18, 2005 too funny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Utah Posted May 18, 2005 Share Posted May 18, 2005 That is priceless stuff. :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
National Defense Posted May 18, 2005 Share Posted May 18, 2005 an oldie but a goodie--i think the quantas thing was added more recently. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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