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Joke of the day

The Wicked Wop

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A middle aged women decides to have a facelift for her birthday. She spends $5000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Berfore leaving she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?

"About 32" is the reply. "I'm exactly 47," the women says happily. a little while later she goes into a McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. She replies, "I guess about 29." The woman repelies "Nope I'm 47."

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her ways down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints ans asks the clerk this burning question. The clerk responds, "Oh I'd say 30." Agains she proudly responds, "I am 47, but thank you."

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man the same question. He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eye sight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a women was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. The I can tell you exactly how old you are." They wait in silence on the empty street until curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the heck, go ahead." He slips both of his hands under her blouse and under her bra and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay,.....how old am I?" He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands and says, "Madam, you are 47."

Stunned and amazed, the women says, "That was incredible, how could you tell?"

The old man replies, "Promise you won't get mad?"

"No", she says.

He relpies, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."

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That was good :)

This one is 18+

A young man walks into a bar.

Sits down and calls the bartender over.

"Give me 6 shots of Jaeger, please."

The bartender is shocked that someone would want 6 shots of Jaeger all for himself, so he inquires about the order.

"Are you celebrating something son?"

"Sure am," replies the young man, "first BJ."

"Nice," says the bartender, "just for that, the seventh one is on the house."

The young man responds, " Sorry man, but if 6 won't get that taste out of my mouth 7 sure won't."

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