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Monsters of the Midway?


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Too freakin' funny! More material for you, Bang. :laugh:

Scoring style points

May 28, 2004


Bobby Wade sat back in a plush reclining chair and closed his eyes.

''This is lovely,'' he said.

David Terrell, sitting next to Wade, sighed.

''That's the spot,'' Terrell said. ''Right there. Man, females have the life.''

But as Wade and Terrell were discovering, ''the life'' is not just for females anymore. Perhaps inspired by David Beckham, sports' most famous metrosexual, or by the thought of a relaxing afternoon following a tough morning workout at Halas Hall, the Bears wide receivers and their teammate, linebacker Lance Briggs, had come to be pampered. And pampered they were.


''Lance wants to know if he can get a bikini wax,'' Wade joked when the players arrived at Teddie Kossof Salon Spa & Wellness Center in Northfield.

''I've got to get a facial,'' Briggs said.

''Go ahead, bro, you need it more than I do,'' Terrell said.

With that, Briggs went off to get a facial. (But not before asking if they were ''going to put a cucumber slice'' on his eyes.)

Wade and Terrell, who opted for pedicures, began soaking their feet in soapy, churning water. After several minutes, their pedicurists began scraping and clipping.

''Considering the intense training they do, their feet are not that bad,'' said Terrell's pedicurist as she sanded his calluses with an emery board. Next came a foot massage, prompting Terrell's remark that ''females have the life.'' Wade, sitting next to Terrell, was experiencing his own ''lovely'' foot massage.

While other clients -- mainly women -- listened with amusement, Terrell and Wade argued about who had prettier feet.

''If you closed your eyes and touched my feet, you'd definitely think I was a woman, or a ballet dancer or a foot model,'' Wade said.

''They had to use an electrical buffer on your feet, man,'' Terrell said.

Ignoring Terrell, Wade wondered aloud what color of toenail polish he would choose.

''I think I'll get fuchsia,'' Wade said, before settling on a white matte finish coating which, he said, ''promotes growth and prevents cracks.''

''Pssst! Who are those guys?'' one female customer asked.

Learning they played for the Bears, she said, ''What are their names? My husband will be excited. I'm a football widow.''


Meanwhile, in the salon's Brenda Bendle Day Spa, Briggs laid on a table in a dark room with gook slathered over his face. A woman stood over him, massaging his face, neck and shoulders.

''I'm going to have to marry me someone in the massage business,'' Briggs said in a soft voice, sounding as if he was drifting off to sleep.

Emerging from his exfoliating, firming facial about an hour later, Briggs joined Wade and Terrell, and checked himself out in a mirror.

''You look wonderful Lance,'' Terrell said. ''You look so much brighter.''

''Lance, I'm going to have to take you out on the town tonight,'' Wade said.

Briggs left to get a pedicure, while Terrell and Wade opted for scalp massages, hair cleaning and conditioning treatments.

After Terrell's hair was shampooed and slathered with conditioner, he sat under a steamer. As Wade's braids were being unraveled, he and Terrell talked about their tough morning workout in 85-degree heat. They talked to friends on their cell phones. They talked about movies. They talked about which of them grew up poorer.

''This is beauty parlor talk,'' said Terrell, his head underneath the steamer. ''You get the best gossip in places like this.''

Meanwhile, in the pedicure area, Briggs was having his feet worked on. They were considerably more gnarled than Wade's or Terrell's feet.

''That's because I work harder than them,'' said Briggs, who opted for the same toenail polish Wade had chosen.

The afternoon was edging toward early evening. Wade and Terrell's hair treatments were finished. Both guys admired their clean, shiny hair in the mirror.

''My hair feels so good,'' Terrell said as he rubbed his head.

Wade and Terrell were ready to leave, but Briggs was waiting for his toenail polish to dry. He told them to go ahead without him.

When his toes had dried, Briggs went back to the Day Spa to buy some papaya lotion for his face.

''It's been a great day,'' he said.


The three Bears weren't worried about becoming the punch line of their teammates' jokes. Why would they worry? As Terrell said, ''I'm secure enough in my manhood, so I don't even care what anyone says.'' Besides, more than a few of the Bears enjoy primping and pampering.

''When my dogs are hurting really bad, I'll get a pedicure,'' R.W. McQuarters said at last month's minicamp. ''But I'll just get my nails buffed. No polish.''

Todd McMillon, a former model, is no stranger to good grooming. Manicures, pedicures, facials -- McMillon knows their importance.

''My mom introduced me to grooming in high school,'' McMillon said. ''She said you have to be well-groomed, from your feet to your hands to your face.''

Charles Tillman gets his braids done monthly at a salon. And the idea of getting a pedicure or facial sounded good to him.

This is not to imply that every Bear has joined the metrosexual revolution.

''You mean girly stuff?'' Rex Grossman asked with a laugh. ''Nope, never done that.''


Maybe it's the influence of the ''Queer Eye'' TV show. Or perhaps, as salon owner Teddie Kossof believes, it's the influence of TV's reality dating shows, which feature guys who obviously aren't strangers to the world of beauty. Whatever the reason, Kossof's salon has seen a 30 percent increase in male customers in the last year.

''[Male] CEOs and business professionals are coming in to maintain their looks,'' Alan Kossof, the salon's business manager, said. ''They have to stay competitive, and they want to stay young looking.''

They don't necessarily want to discuss their self-improvement strategies, though. The subject still makes a lot of guys uncomfortable, probably because until recently it was assumed that only women and gay men paid attention to their looks. But times are changing, even in the macho world of pro sports. For many NBA players, salon services are a routine indulgence. And they're not shy about admitting it.

''I always make sure I get a fresh haircut and a manicure,'' the Bulls' Jamal Crawford said in a recent telephone conversation. ''I think if you feel good about yourself, your performance will be better because you feel more confident. The whole thing with Michael Jordan's [TV commercial], 'It must be the shoes,' was when people wore those shoes, they felt better and more confident. That can help.''

It's safe to assume the toes in Jordan's shoes are impeccably groomed. Jordan reportedly receives regular manicures and pedicures. If you want to be like Mike, get to a salon.

The Bulls' Kendall Gill also appreciates a good manicure and pedicure, as well as a favorite skin-care line.

''I use Clinique products, because when African-American men shave with a razor, the hair on our face curls back into the skin and causes razor bumps,'' Gill said. ''I'm a pro, not only on the court, but in the business arena, too. You can't be going places without looking good.''

You might think that baseball players also would be salon aficionados. What better way to kill time on the road? But if the Cubs and White Sox are any indication, that doesn't appear to be the case.

''I had a manicure once when I played [for the Milwaukee Brewers],'' the Sox' Jose Valentin said recently. ''I didn't see any difference in my hands, and it cost a lot of money. I can't see wasting that money on my hands while I'm playing baseball. There's rocks and mud everywhere. You can't keep your hands clean. I don't get facials, either. But I do like to dress pretty good.''

Neal Cotts said he gets a haircut at a salon ''about every six months.''

Willie Harris has no problem with men who enjoy a little pampering. But you won't catch Harris in a salon.

''That's their thing,'' he said. ''That's just not me.''

It is Esteban Loaiza's thing, however. Loaiza has been enjoying manicures and pedicures for a few years now. ''I get them done,'' he said. ''I'm not going to say I don't. It feels good. After a pedicure, you just want to walk barefoot.''

Across town, the concept of professional grooming seemed to elude the Cubs.

''You're talking about metrosexuals!'' LaTroy Hawkins said after a recent game at Wrigley Field. ''I'm as metrosexual as anyone.''

Ah, but the word metrosexual describes a man who spends time and money on his appearance. Hawkins, whose entire beauty routine consists of cocoa butter moisturizer for his skin, doesn't really fit the description.

Nor does Kyle Farnsworth, although he comes closer, if only because he experiments with his hairstyle.

Nor does Mike ''Does going to a chiropractor count?'' Remlinger. Nor does Mark ''I wear sunscreen'' Prior. Nor does Todd ''I don't even cut my hair'' Hollandsworth.

Cutting edge, the Cubs and Sox are not. Poor guys. They don't know what they're missing.

Wade, Terrell and Briggs have realized what they were missing.

''I might have to do this every week,'' said Wade, while admiring his toes.

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Originally posted by redman

You guys make me sick! I thought George Halas would be spinning in his grave over this, and here you are extolling the virtues of spa treatments! George Allen is turning in his grave as well!


This is incredible! MAN how times have changed!

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